"Well, I talk about it, talk about it,
talk about it, talk about it."
I’ve tried to explain the work dynamic at the newspaper, and I think the best way to do that is to share some direct quotes.
Note: Since it’s been some time since I put out a quote log, I believe I should reestablish the ground rules. I don’t specifically identify who said what. I’ll leave names in comment if someone said them, but I prefer to leave some things up to the imagination. This also provides the important safety net of deniability later.
I also add context to clarify some out-there comments, though it only helps so much.
Without further ado,
The publisher on contempt charges –
“If you get arrested, I will not bail you out. I will do many things for my reporters, but not that.”
“What if you had a good reason?”
“I don’t like my haircut.”
“Take it back!”
On Lindsay Lohan –
“Can you be that skinny and not die?”
The new reporter tries to carve out a niche for himself -
“I don’t have a beat.”
“We should give him a beat.”
“I’ll give you a beat.” (Clap, clap, clap, clap).
“I have an IQ of 7,000!”
“If you have an IQ of 7,000, then why are you working here, smart guy?”
“You’re going to retire here. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!”
“We should write a story about Arby’s running out of roast beef.”
“Arby’s ran out of roast beef?!”
“That was my reaction, too!”
“I hate fantasies… Magic and unicorns and elves… I hate elves!”
“I’m a fantasy person, and I hate elves.”
On freezing your body cryogenically to come back in the future –
“I don’t like the kids now, and I’m only 10 years older than them.”
Looking at desk calendar altered by co-workers –
“Apparently I missed my ‘Dinner with Satan’ yesterday.”
“Oh yeah. I was supposed to remind you of that.”
“He’s going to be pissed. It’s one thing to stand up the mayor…”
On the approaching Legislative session:
“They’re making a bill that makes it illegal to leave a sheep herd or to aid and assist someone in leaving a herd.”
“So we’re cracking down on deadbeat shepherds?”
After an interesting interview –
“Okay, I’m now confused about the differences in the parties, because he’s a Democrat, but everything that came out of his mouth was something I would have expected a Republican to say.”
“Okay, he’s a Democrat, trying to get elected in Wyoming. Does that help?”
After a bad night technology wise, a change in leadership is pondered -
“Justin, I’m running away. I might come back… Caleb knows what to do.”
“If I’m in charge, I’m reinstating the drinking on the premises policy.”
Mock group cheer: “We vote for Dictator Caleb!”
“He didn’t say he was going to share. Four years from now, you’ll be slaving over a stove making his booze.”
Slightly sadder group cheer: “We made a bad decision!”
said...
Funny quotes! I love them! I'm a quote machine! You should hear me churn out those mothers! Well, just thought I'd tell you I loved the funny quotes post.