WAG - What’s the Word?

The BBC is having an online poll to pick Britain’s “best word.”

We Yanks may technically be on the wrong side of the pond to vote in such an event, but I figure if world leaders are doing their best to influence U.S. political policy, a few of us former colonists can vote in a simple internet survey.

Here are the top ten finalists:

Circumbendibus. It's a roundabout way of saying that someone has a roundabout way of saying something.

Dad. It feels like a golden jewel encrusted crown and I'm wearing it.

Discombobulated. I am sure I feel it but never know if I am just confused.

Flibbertigibbet. For when standard cursing just won't do.

Home. It's a place of complete belonging and happiness. The most carefree place in the world.

Kerfuffle. Just has that local news, not that serious really, British vibe.

Love. It's so incredibly complex that you don't understand it until you are in it.

Mummy. Although there are a lot of us out there this one is only for me.

Serendipity. It reminds of the sixties when I fortunately discovered it.

Smithereens. It means tiny little bits but could also be a family of little people .- the Smithereens.

I don’t get their rationale for “Dad,” and I wouldn’t quite deem “Home” a carefree place, but most of them seem pretty good.

Due to my constant exposure to the word, thanks to my sister’s constant use of it, I would prefer to go with “Discombobulated” though the definition for “Smithereens” temps me as well.

Currently, “Kerfuffle” is in the lead, but that is because the online version of the Wall Street Journal Opinion page posted a link to the site with the suggestion that readers vote for the word.

It’s funny seeing an American paper help determine the best British word, but I still encourage others to weigh in.

Will “Circumbendibus” get around to winning, or will “Mummy” stop it in its tracks. Or who is to say “Serendipity” may surprisingly take the cake?

We’ll see. Cast your vote and find out (or if these words don’t fit your test, list your own selection in our comments box, located conveniently below).

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WAG - (Yes, I seemed to update this site more when I was in a different time zone than when I was in Missouri over Spring Break. I was relaxing. Give me a break. … Okay, I was lazy when I got back to Columbia to! Are you happy? Geez… Anyway, I’m in one piece and posting again…

Headline Hunt

I started a major project the week before I left from break (I hinted about it in the early morning post on March 17.

After a nothing round of work today, all that was left this evening was to title it, and since it comes out on Wednesday, I had little time to waste.

Here are some of my sample headlines.

I was April’s Fool

Confessions of an April’s Fool

My Own Worst Enemy

It was a Truck, Dang it!

Hit and Running with It

Amnesia: Chapter One ___________.

My Month Long Relationship with Vertigo

Kissing the Asphalt

Yes, I would believe some mothers eat their young

He who lives to walk away, lives to laugh another day

King of the Road Rash

and last…

Rocketed Man

Of course, all my suggestions were turned down, but I had fun making them anyway.

For those of you still in the dark, you’ll have to wait until Wednesday to find out what’s up (or, if you know what I’m hinting at, how it came up again).

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WAG - Tempè Trip Quotes

AKA The Longest Post Ever
This will be a long one, but for those of you not fortunate enough to make it on the trip, this should give you a fairly good idea how it all went down. Enjoy.

In the parking lot –

“Look! Another white t-shirt with the Missouri logo on it. Just what I need.”

On the bus’s late start for the airport:
“And we’re only four minutes behind schedule.”
“I think that’s pretty good.”

On airport security –

On Post-9/11 security measures:
“You know, I’d rather have they err on too much security rather than too little, but you still don’t want to go through it yourself. We’re selfish. We want everybody to go through the serious stuff, but us.”

Voicing the rationale people secretly have for wanting to shirk security:
“I mean, I know I’m cool. I know I’d say something if I wasn’t.

Our chaperone caution us:
“We’re going through security as usual so, keep the noise down… I’m not talking inside voices… Act like adults.”
“Don’t act like us.”
“Only for a while… At 1:30 today [the time when we were supposed to land in Phoenix], you can be yourselves again.”

“I hope everyone has brought your I.D. We didn’t remind you to… Preferably your real one.

A security matron cautions the band not to crowd to close:
“Step back!”
“Okay…”
Whispered: “Okay. I say we rush the plane on three. One… two…”

Stephanie recounts having trouble taking her crutches and air brace past the wand waving ladies:
“She’s going, you need to lift your leg. It’s beeping. And I said, ‘That’s not gonna happen.’”

Waiting to board –

“They really searched me.”
“The really searched you?”

“Our pilot just tripped [going up the stairs to the plane].”
“That’s a good sign”
Talking in a slurred tone: “Oh man. That was a crazy night last night. Walking it off, walking it off.”

On the plane –

“I’ve never been anywhere where it’s a ‘dry heat.’”

“I can’t wait to get out of Missouri and away from my allergies.”
“I just can’t wait to get out of Missouri.”

To Stephanie who was stuck with crutches:
“Hey! Handicaped people sit in the front!”

“Rachel, you’re going to knock over the cripple and then they’re going to laugh.”
“And the fun has begun.”

On our per diem –

“One hundred dollar per diem and we get this free letter that says ‘Athletics’ on it.”

“That’s more than I have in my checking account.”

At the drum major: “Josh! Take off your shirt! I’ve got per diem money. ”

Often repeated phrase:
“I said let’s go Tigers!”

Calming and/or feeding flying fears –

“Don’t worry. Our plane has a sunbolt [painted] on the end. I’m sure we’ll be fine.

In an official sounding, flight attendant voice:
“In case of a water landing…”
“SHUT UP!”
And Rachel physically wails on Matt for a while.

“What happens if you don’t turn off your phones?’
“The plane explodes.”

“In case of an explosive decompression, we’d be the first ones sucked out of the plane.”
Person who is calling her father tries to ignore the comments
“In case of a water landing, between here and Arizona…”
“Hey, I’ve got some ocean front property in Arizona!”
“Sorry Dad.”

Yep, still on the ground –

Upon encountering the pre-packaged lunches:
“There’s more per diem in the box!”

“Man, this is better than the food I have at home. Is that sad or what?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah that’s sad.”

“There’s no mint in my mint [wrapper]!”
“Stop the plane!”
“It is stopped.”

“I would have rather taken a bus than a plane so we could watch movies. We would have been entertained for those two days, darn it.

After collecting 10 plastic containers of pasta salad from the box lunches:
“Guess what my room’s eating?”

Bad punchlines –

“One was a-salted.”

“And that was just the priest.”

“Please disregard any fraudulent email you may have received.”

“Shut up, Cinder Block.”

Oft-repeated phase after the end of a joke:
One person starts: “Ba ba bop ba bap ba…”
Group finishes: “Ba!”

Considering delayed lectures and consequences –

“Of course, we just got chewed out for Shreveport [football bowl trip] yesterday.”
“It’ll be next year when they say, we know what you did on the NCAA tournament trip.”
“And we’ll be like, ‘I don’t remember the trip…’”
“And if you try anything at the TWA Dome…”

“Notice how the upperclassmen are all crazy and the underclassmen are the quiet ones, worrying that they can’t do anything?”
“They just need to learn there’s no consequences.”
“There’s screaming, with no follow-ups.”

Quandary: What to do with our trip money –

The origin of the band t-shirts:
“We all need nicknames.”
“Like ‘Chicken of the C-sharp.’”

“We should get tattoos on the trip – per diem tattoos.”

“Las Vegas is so close… Let’s go!”
“I mean, Arizona is right there and Nevada is right next to it. How far could it be?”

Still on the plane, still on the ground –

“This is the best trip ever!”
“And we’re not even off the ground yet.”

After busting off the overhead air nozzle:
“Taylor, you’re breaking stuff and we haven’t even left Columbia yet.”
“That’s coming out of your per diem.”

Pondering those fast food lawsuits:
“It’s not like McDonald’s was cramming it down their throats.”
“Yeah, imagine Ronald shoving you full of burgers. Grimace is behind you going wham, wham, wham in your kidneys saying, ‘Eat!’”

“It’s 10:40. The team’s not getting through security that fast.”
“Maybe they brought a bunch of pocketknives.”
And we all crack up.

“And we’re now officially behind schedule.”
“And that surprises you?”

The women’s team arrives –

“The team is here.”
“Bet they all have razor blades in their book bags.”

Watching the team approach the plane:
“I guess Evan Unrau always does everything last… including boarding the plane.”

Addressed to the team in a little girl voice:
“You’re so cool. Thanks for making Spring Break fun.”
“It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.”

Contemplating kazoos –

“I got the two packs for two dollars. That’s 12.5 cents per kazoo.”

“They have directions on them, ‘HUM INTO THIS END.’”

The box had even more specific directions:
“Hum into the big end.”

When Rachel is having trouble humming:
“You can’t play the kazoo?”
“It’s very deep. Well, I mean…”

Explaining the kazoos to the drum major:
“Oh, we have them because we’re going to play 4 [the cue for the song “Fight Tigers”] when the team gets on the plane.”
- Pause -
“Long or short version?”
“You know, you’re the drum major. It’s your call.”
“Crazy in Love!” [An often requested, but never played tune]

After a long, technical explanation of how a kazoo functions:
“That’s Rachel on the mechanics of kazoo playing.”
“I’m teaching Kazoo 101 in the fall. Lesson One: Humming.”

Getting ready to play:
“Okay. T-minus one minute.”
“Stand by for obnoxious-ness.”

“Does everyone have their kazoos?”
“Remember where to hum?”
“We should make shirts that say that.”

Our drum major suggests nixing the idea:
"Com’on Josh! We didn’t spend two dollars for nothing.”

A member of the pep squad makes jokes about our new instruments:
“Kazoos? I didn’t know they were in Mini Mizzou.”
Pause as he walks away.
“Was that a male cheerleader?”
“Yeah.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha…”

Rationale that playing the kazoos will inspire the team at the game:
“Remember when they played the kazoos for us?”
“We gotta win it for the band!”

Coach Cindy Stein comes to the back of the plane to talk to the band:
“Just here to get you all fired up.”
“Okay, we’ve got to do it.”
Coach Stein looks puzzled as the kazoos are played out and we play Fight Tigers.

As she returns to the front of the plane, we imagine what she’s telling the team:
“Don’t talk to the band.”
“Stay away from them.”
“You’ll only encourage them.”

“Midway through the flight we should play, ‘Hey Baby!’”

Marika informs the band of her sister’s nickname for us:
“We should be called ‘The Kazoo Mizzou Crew.’”

More comments to soothe and provoke –

To the flight attendant:
“She’s never flown before.”
“Get her some wings.”

“Imagine them leaving the cargo door open?”
“Tubas flying out from 35,000 feet?”
Makes a falling whistle sound.
“No, it’d be deeper.”
Makes an octave lower, “ooohhh” sound.

“If you see the wings shaking, scream.”

“If you see a monster on the wing tearing out the electronics…”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re experiencing some Godzilla-related turbulence. Don’t worry. He usually let’s go around 30,000 feet. ROAR!”

“Kyle? Do you have a wing on your side of the plane? I don’t.”
And Rachel looks as the rest of us crack up again.

On the safety pamphlet:
“I like how happy the crashing people are.”
“So calm, collected, not freaking out…”

“Taking off is the best part.”
“Landing is nice too.”
“Shut up.”

“Look at the people on the ground. They look like ants.”
“They are ants.”

“Hey Kyle. Do you see any brown liquid pouring of out the side of the plane?”
“Just fuel.”
“As long as it’s not oil. We need that.”

Imagining a tragic news update, using a news anchor voice:
“A fireball filled the sky shortly after take off…”
“As Marching Mizzou proved once and for all, they’re smoking hot.”

Take off and beyond –

While accelerating, Matt asked in a confused voice:
“We not supposed to be going backward.”
And Rachel cringes.

As we leave the ground, (trombone) Josh says in a little kid’s voice:
“I miss Earth.”

After our first bump of turbulence:
“There goes a tuba.”

“My goal for the next few hours is not taking any of those through-the-window-wing-in the-frame shots. It’s always like, ‘This is the wing of our plane. We had another one.’”

“You wanna know what time it is? It’s pasta salad time!”

“Can you feel that?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Rachel, it’d be bumpier if we were on the road.”

A plastic single-serving container of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is swelling up:
“It’s due to the air pressure.”
Pause
“So we have a Cinnamon Toast Crunch barometer?”
“Yeah…”
“Mr. Wizard screwed me up…”

Overlooking and reaching Phoenix –

“There’s a school bus farm.”

“Are those really palm trees?

“I feel so rebellious. I have eleven tubs of pasta salad… I went to Catholic school.”

On the plethora of pasta salad:
“I’m going to share.”
“You can try to share, but we don’t want it.”
“There’s a reason why you have them all.”

Collecting extra food from the extra lunches:
“We’re like foraging gypsies.”

“Free water!”
“We are in the desert, you know.”

A male cheerleader gives us a reminder while exiting the plane:
“Remember, you’re not just representing yourself; you’re representing the university.”
The male cheeleader behind him:
“Shut up!”

On the bus, enjoying air conditioning for the first time in months –

“I felt weird walking past Mike Alden [the MU Sports Director] with all that food.”

“There’s a lot of pasta salad on that plane.”
“No, there’s a lot of pasta salad in Marika’s bag.”

On seeing the athletic officials load our luggage:
“Look Frank’s working!”
“Take a picture!”
“Mike Alden’s grabbing a bag!”
“Wow…”

Passing a school bus with a “For Sale” sign:
“Hey, let’s buy that bus and drive to Mexico.”
“Per diem money!”
“We have pasta salad; we don’t need more food.”

Passing by a sign advertising $2.05 per gallon of gas:
“I guess we don’t want to buy gas.”

“This is ridiculous. No freakin’ grass, and cacti and palm trees everywhere… Wait, there’s some grass.”

On passing a Southwestern style apartment complex:
“It looks just like the Alamo.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“It doesn’t anything like this.”
“Well… I’ve never seen the Alamo.”
“Just because it has Spanish tiles on the top…”

After interrupting a joke and telling the punchline:
“I like to ruin jokes when people tell them. I want to be the funny one.”

After getting confused while telling an old band story:
“I’m getting Marching Mizzou Alzheimer’s.”

Crashing at the end of day one:
“Isn’t it amazing how sitting motionless for several hours will drain you?”

Making good use of our free day –

Oft-repeated phrase:
Party in Tempè.

On a tribal glyph crafted out of gravel beside the highway:
“It’s just like a crop circle. Only with no crops.”

After spotting a building representing the online University of Phoenix:
“A University of Phoenix!”
“They do exist.”

After Frank gives orders on where to go and leaves:
Bus driver: “Is he going with us?”
“He’s not riding with us.”
“So where do you want to go?”

“It’s five already? Wow…”
“The day goes by so much quicker when you get up at two.”

At the Rainforest Café, our group begins to hate the animatronic elephant, which would trumpet every 10 minutes:
“Shut up!”
“It’s a good thing they’re endangered.”
Pointing at the elephant: “You, drink.”
“I don’t remember hating elephants before, but part of me isn’t upset those bags of ivory are endangered.”

Oft-repeated phase, usually proceeded by Rachel’s "Funky Town" ring tone:
“I feel like dancing.”
Sometime followed by: “Rings of Fun.”

Quest for T-shirts –

After the bus driver drops us off at Target to purchase supplies, we now are facing a two-mile walk back to the hotel, with many detours:
“We’re busy people. We only have 24 more hours of doing nothing.”

Favorite signs posted a toy store we visited after picking up t-shirts from Target:
Boy Toys, Boy’s Action [Figures], 40% off.

Searching for the Stanford Pep Band:
“We’ll check every Marriott in the city.”
“Or at least all the ones on the way back to our hotel.”

A Night Out on the Town -

After a man drove up to off and offered to take us anywhere for $15:
“We just go propositioned by an old man in an unmarked van.”

After telling numerous waiters that it was our drum major’s birthday:
“So when’s my birthday?”
“Today…”
“And probably tomorrow…”
“The longer per diem holds out, the longer your birthday will last.”

Upon seeing the old star MU player, and now current basketball staff member in the restaurant:
Group: “K-E-R-E-N-S-A, K-E-R-E-N-S-A, Kerensa, Kerensa, Kerensa Barr!” [Her old cheer]

The drum major questioned the coaching staff’s patrying after midnight:
“Shouldn’t you be back at the hotel preparing for tomorrow’s game?”
“No!”

On how the bear outfit [our unofficial band mascot] ended up at the NCAA tournament:
“So I said, ‘The bear needs to go to the Big Dance.’”

The drum major has been talked into wearing the bear, but is trying to maintain what is left of his dignity:
“I may be wearing the bear suit, but I am not drunk.”

On the origin of the bomb threat called in for the Wells Fargo Arena:
“Bet you it was Stanford’s band.”

An unwise plan we, fortunately, never carried out:
“We should call the band cell!”
“Party in Tempè!”
“We need more per diem!”
“This isn’t Three-Point.”

Our bus driver:
“You know, I really don’t feel like going all the way around the block.”
After making a U-turn across six lanes of traffic:
“This isn’t a first for me.”

After encountering and flocking around a basketball player at the mall:
“Did you notice how she immediately went into the nearest store without looking at us?”

Making the t-shirts –

“I just can’t believe we are so efficient.”
“Yeah, it’s like we’re a Russian collective farm.”

“Make-out. Is that hyphenated?”

Kyle Tabor’s caller ID brings up a confusing name:
“Who the hell is Tabor?”
Pause before the room cracks up.
“Why are you calling yourself?”
More laughter…
“Oh… It’s my grandparents.”

“Quick! Spell squeak.”
Group: “S-Q-U-E-A-K.”
“Com’on. We’re college students.”
“That’s my point exactly.”

After a brief distraction:
“I just spelled squeker!”

“We could draw a long e symbol.”
“Sure, they’ll be like, ‘What does the line mean Squeker?’”

“Who can spell leprechaun?”
Three hands go up
“It’s like Lep-re-chaun.”

On imagining the Stanford’s band’s reaction to our party shirts:
“Our Twister [rally band] uniforms pale in comparison.”

“We spent a lot of time in a small room with maker fumes.”
“Yeah…”
“Hey, we’re sleeping here tonight. We’re going to have a good time tonight.”

Oft-repeated drum major comment:
“What’d you do now?”

Tourney Time –

“It’s game day!”

Looking at the cheerleaders’ reaction after the band has broken out into song, again:
“The Golden Girls are freaked!”
“Only on a band trip.”

After the bomb threat:
“Look, the arena’s still here!”

Our chaperone, once again, cautions us:
“From here on, be on your best behavior.”
The band spontaneously begins to sing the "Smurfs" theme, a song we sing to mock short players.

During a lull in the match before our game, the band led some of our favorite cheers:
“Unrau is unreal”
“Tracy Lozier!” Clap, clap, clap, clap. “Tracy Lozier!”

Then the team started:
“M-I-Z!”
“Z-O-U!”

The basketball was knocked out of bounds and into our section:
“Tiger ball!”
[Throws in football cheers for good measure]
“Ahh…”
“First down!”

“That blond spiky haired girl looks like Lil’ Bow Wow.”
“You mean a white Lil’ Bow Wow?”
“To me, she looks like a female Aaron Carter.”
“So you mean Aaron Carter?”
“Aaron Carter!” Clap, clap, clap, clap. “Aaron Carter!”

The other pep band finally arrives:
“There’s the Stanford Band.”
“Yep, that’s them.”
Gestures at a tuba with an unexpected paint job:
“I like the Grateful Dead Teddy.”

“Hey Josh!” Points at Stanford: “Party band…” Points at Mizzou: “Not a party band…”
Drum major scowls and shakes his head.

The Stanford Band’s Palm Tree mascot is initially barred entry to the arena having forgotten to bring photo identification:
Security: “I mean you’re obviously a mascot…”

“The Stanford Tree is stuck in security! He forgot his ID! I vouched for him, though.”

Security lets the palm in, and the sight of his solo walk toward the band, with dropping leaves, is a hilarious sight:
“He looks so sad.”
“Ha! The walk of shame!”

Oft-repeated phrase:
“Aw…. Snap!”

Game on –

“I just realized I haven’t played my instrument since Thursday.”

After the Stanford Band’s “quirky” rendition of Wild Wild West:
“It’s bad when you have to wait for the chorus to recognize the song.”

After a slummy trombone spotlight:
“That’s a Bud solo.” [Referring to an infamous 3-Point player.]

My notebook falls over the side of the bleachers and I have to shimmy behind them to retrieve it. As I reappear, I hear:
“You know what his nickname is…? Monkey.”

To a ruckus-wracking player making a loud noise stamping his feet:
“Caleb, you need to calm down.”
“Find your happy place.”
“I bounced my water bottle over the edge.”

Some Stanford Band members come bearing gifts:
“It’s a tradition with our band to bring Trombone Nachos.”

“Could you stop stamping your feet for a moment? I can’t drink my water.”

After reviewing that night’s quotes:
“We should have called you Scribbler.”
“Or after tonight, Thumper.”

On the bus ride back, we wonder if our return plans are made:
“Considering how long it took to charter the first plane…” [Four days]

“All I know is that I’ll be on a plane tomorrow…”

Oft-repeated phrase:
“Wait for it…”
Group: “Eh!”

The game is over, but we’re still in Arizona –

Concerning the hotel facing the parking garage:
“It’s really weird to look out the window and see cars… especially on the fifth floor.”

A person walks in at the end of a conversation on band department politics:
“Boy, this room is really depressing.”

A phone call to a Mini Mizzou member confirms the obvious:
“Souza says you guys have officially had a better time in Tempè than we did in Dallas.” [At the Big 12 Tournament]

On being stranded in the Southwest:
“When it rains, it pours…”
“Especially in the desert.”

Frank fills us in on the “leaving situation”:
“It could be three hours; it could be tomorrow morning.”

Upon learning there will be no more additional per diem money:
"So those of us who spent like there was no tomorrow are screwed?"
"Yeah."
"Looks like we'll be spotting lots of people money."

Weighing afternoon destinations, since we’re still here:
“If we went to Albuquerque, we could have Albuquerque turkey sandwiches!”

Our athletics chaperone wants a more precise request after repeated calls for “Downtown Phoenix”:
“Who has a specific place you’d like to go?”
“Downtown Phoenix.”
“That’s all we know…”
Pause.
“Las Vegas!”
“Mexico!”

Spotting a bizarre business while crossing town:
“What is a boat salesman doing in Phoenix?”

At the Arizona Aloha Festival:
“This makes sense. After all, the Southwest has always had a strong Polynesian influence.”

On the music education major playing with a flying dinosaur toy:
“Kaw! Com’on kids. Let’s make Pterodactyl noises.”
“You don’t plan on teaching high school, do you?”
“Kaw!”

Warning sign in our taxi:
“DO NOT DRIVE AND LOOK AT FARE”

At the mall:
“I want to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap!”
“No! On behalf of the Easter Bunny, no!”

“Hey, let’s all get caricatures of each other!”
“No. I hate my face. Why would I want to be reminded of it with all the defects and idiosyncrasies grossly exaggerated?”

On getting a snow cone:
“It’s ice-tastic!”

Comments while watching the "Dawn of the Dead" remake:
After seated next to a 5-year old: “This kid does not belong here.”
After the Universal Logo: “Look, it’s the dawn.”
After a gruesome death: “Twenty minutes until the band pool party!”
After the dark credits finish: “I love a happy ending!”

At the band pool party, discussing Mizzou’s “Oklahoma bites the big one” song with one of the Stanford band members:
“Yeah… We’re already trying to learn that song for tomorrow.”
Upon reaching the “Beat that dog” section:
“That’s my favorite part.”

Upon hearing we’d be getting more per diem:
“Now I can afford to eat.”
"I can afford to pay you back.”

Oft-repeated phrase:
“I spent all of Frank’s money.”

Our Final Day –

The conversation after our unplanned 8:32 wakeup call:
“What? Holy hell… Okay.”

An 8:52 Conversation with a confused Mexican cleaning maid:
“Check out?”
“No, not yet.”
“Check out?”
“I just heard about it. We’re working on it.”
She holds up a clipboard with all the band room highlighted in orange:
“Check out?”
“Yes, just give us an hour…”

The chaperones laugh about the groups’ slow reactions:
“What I like is, fumble, fumble, fumble, ‘Hello?’”

About the group being split across 3 planes:
“We were lucky to find these spots to begin with.”

Oft-repeated phrase, last said at 12:26 p.m. before leaving the hotel:
“So the Stanford guy is still in my room.”

Heading Home –

With one last pit stop:
“We’re going to the mall? I could have bought a new suitcase instead of duct taping and stapling mine.”

“Can I put that bag in that bag? Huh huh huh. Redundancy department.”

On stowing the pocketknives and scissors taken through the chartered plane security:
“Remember, we’re going through real security this time.”

On the “festive” clothes purchased and worn by others:
“If they’re going to wear their crazy hats, I’m going to wear my ‘Hi Mom!’ hat.”

“Trip of Fun!”

On White Chocolate, with his hat cocked sideways:
“You look like a British rapper.”
“I don’t want to look like a British rapper.”

“Whoa, I just realized how few upperclassmen there are left.”
“Holy Freshmen!”

On the amount of food that was gorged:
“After this trip, I’m never eating again.”

“Is it sad that I already miss the Stanford Band?”
“Yes.”
“Of course, they weren’t sleeping in my room.”

The Bear’s Final Seduction –

“I’m going to beg Frank to wear the bear suit.”
“What!?”

Imagined conversation with Frank:
“Yeah, we know you’ve worked hard, and we want to make you an official member of the band.”

“Frank really has the crappiest job.”
“Especially now that it’s just him.” [the other chaperones departed on the earlier plane]
“Yeah, he’s like the last nanny in the asylum.”

“The bear is the band mascot!”

“We could pay him $5 apiece.”
“Can you imagine him explaining to athletics how he unexpectedly saved $48 dollars?”
“Well, there are some good quotas on the internet.”

“Asking Frank to wear the bear is like asking Mother Teresa to sign your bra. I don’t see that happening.”

After Frank DOES have his picture taken holding the bear:
“I swear, we are the most corruptive force known to man.”

Oft-repeated phrase:
“You’ve been had by Marching Mizzou.”

On a hasty exit after a call informed us the bus was ready to go:
“Quick! Run!”
“Because running doesn’t attract attention in the mall.”
“Never.”
“I’m looking forward to talking with security.”

Upon reaching the bus, explaining the timing to a less than amused Frank:
“For the record, according to my watch, we still have 30 seconds.”

As the bus turns around to be better positioned to leave, Sara exits the mall:
“She’s freaking out.”
“Wow, she can run fast.”

At the Barry Goldwater Airport Terminal –

“Oh! Puppy dog… that sniffs for drugs…”

“I still have my key.”
“My key is in my back pocket.”
“Mine too.”
“It’ll take a spot next to my Westin key and my Shoney’s Inn key.” [hotels frequented by the band in previous trips]

After learning names were switched and tickets almost came up short:
“You good?”
“I’m good.”
“We’d like to take you home with us, you know.”

Recounting trouble at our last security checkpoint:
“The Security guard said, ‘You’re wearing too much. Take off some more. Start with your belt.’ I felt violated”

On taking more group photos:
“We probably looked like tourists.”
“At least we aren’t as white as when we started.”

“I love Three Point. As much as I love it before, I love it three times as much now.”

Another crowding of the basketball players freaks them out:
“You know what just went through their minds?”
“I hope we’re not by the band.”
“Oh my God. The headphones aren’t drowning them out.”

We want one last group photo:
“Okay it will be one, two, three; not one, two, three, click.”
“Just take the picture.”

The clicking sound signals the end of a roll of film:
“You know what that means? The end of pictures of fun in Tempè.”

“You rock my socks off; if I had socks on.”

“Are we the only ones who had their pictures taken with basketball players?”
“Yes.”
The two freshmen exchange high fives.

“Megan Roney says that she wants a cheer for next season.”
To the tune of "Row, Row, Row your boat:
“Row, Row, Roney, Mo.”
“No…”
“It’s a good thing we have all summer.”

Oft-repeated phrase on the plane:
“How you doing, Rachel?”

In St. Louis –

After landing, some basketball parents a still slightly paranoid:
“We’re closer.”
“If we landed in the right place. We could be in Chicago for all we know.”
“You must excuse us. The team has been on quite a trip. We’re taking nothing for granted until we see our homes tonight.”

Comparing seating arrangements:
“We had better seats than Frank, and were three seats behind Mike Alden.”

“Of course, Frank had to sit next to D.J.”
He glowers.
“Of course, he may not find that as funny as us.”
D.J. explains:
“I asked if I could sit by the window and he said, ‘No!’”

“There was no party in Tempè. There was no party in Tempè.”
“Huh?”
“What trip were you on?”
“I’m just saying that so Frank will hear.”

“Look! It’s Hi Mom’s Mom!”
“Hi Mom!”
“Hi kids!”

Comparing plans at the luggage carousel:
“So are you going straight to St. Louis?”
“Well… I’m already in St. Louis.”
“I mean…”

When collecting their bags and seeing who will get the bag last:
“I win!”

The basketball team has a question for us for a change:
“Is it hard playing an instrument?”
“Well…”
“That’s not an easy question to answer.”
“You really don’t think about it.”
“It’s like asking you if it’s hard to play basketball.”
“I mean you practice and you put your time in…”
“At this point, the major thing is that it’s a lot of fun.”
Pause.
“I think that’s the deepest conversation we’ve had all trip.”

The final bus ride –

“This is the party bus.”
“It’s like we brought a piece of Tempè with us.”

On spotting another University of Phoenix:
“We didn’t go anywhere!”
“Do you pay out of state tuition for the University of Phoenix, because you’re not going anywhere.”

Watching the "Zoolander" gasoline fight scene on the bus:
“All his friends die?”
“It’s a comedy.”
“That’s depressing!”

Our bus bypasses Columbia and stops at the regional airport so some people can collect their cars:
“Ah… Frank? Is the airport still open, because they’re holding our stuff.”
“Um… We’ll see…”
“Because I want my scissors.”

The lure of certain last names:
“If I was dating a guy named Pickles, I’d make sure to God I married him.”

“We just passed KOMU, again.”

While the disco Star Wars theme plays on the laptop:
“Somewhere, I think John Williams is…”
“Rolling in his grave?”
“No. I think he’s still alive, but this is the type of thing that will put him there.”

“You guys are so cool. We need to hang out more often.”

“We need to go to bed. I’ve had too much Three Point.”

Upon reaching the parking grage:
“There’s a lot of cars here on a Monday night… at midnight… during Spring Break.”
“Whose cars are these?”

“That’s the thing. With the extended dates, I feel like I’ve been on vacation all week."

“It’s a good thing classes aren’t tomorrow, because I probably wouldn’t go.”

2004 Tempè Trip Nicknames –

Adam – White Chocolate
Amy the chaperone – Where’s the band?
Anna – It’s Always the Quiet One
April – Smurfette
Brian – Hi Mom
Caleb – Monkey
Chris – Muffin
D.J. – Italian Stallion
Erika – Squêker
Josh E. – Boy Toy
Josh J. – Dirty Drummer
Josh W. – Chunky Band Camp
Justin – Lord of the Ladies
Kristen – I really was Sick
Kyle – El Douche-O
Marika – In-N-Out Girl
Matt – Taxicab
Michelle – Tequila
Rachel C. – Make-out Band-it
Rachel N. – Tuna Box
Ryan G. – Anal Pop
Ryan S. – Skip
Sally – Leprechaun
Sam – Dr. Feel Good
Sara B. – Knock-Kneed Lobster
Sara T. – The Professor (Drunk Dialing Ph.D.)
Stephanie – Dry Bar
Tara – Gandhi Walked
Taylor – I’m Not Even in 3 Point
Zach – Pocket Knife

“And remember, Three Point and I love you.”

'You_made_it_this_far_Congrats'

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WAG - Home, Land Ho!!

Ahoy!

I feel a kinship with a sailor who, after spending many exotic days abroad, has finally set foot upon familiar ground.

Once again, safe harbor has been sought and found in Sullivan. I crashed in Cramer Hall shortly after midnight Monday night and headed for Sullivan the next morning. After a couple of pit stops at several antique shops, to pick up important supplies such as books and canoe making tools (my Dad’s new hobby/project is working on carving out a wooden canoe, a la’ Lewis and Clark), I reached familiar terra firma.

Wrapped up in an old worn mattress stretched out on a well-known couch, I’m tapping away on my mother’s dicey laptop. I’ve had a home cooked meal, spent some quality time with the cat, taken a nap, finished a novel, perused a couple magazines, and watched some episodes of "Jim Henson’s The Storyteller," and am currently watching Alec Baldwin try to help Sean Connery defect in "The Hunt for the Red October."

Note: It’s tough writing while this movie is going. I occasionally have to turn to read all the Russian parts. Granted, these Soviets speak a lot of English, but those subtitles and scrolling scene cues make it harder to multi-task.

Considering the drastic change in pace and daily activities compared to the first part of the week, I feel like I’m starting my second Spring Break.

I’ll have some interesting sorting out to do. I have dozens of pages of quotes from the trip to organize. I also have a smattering of homework assignments to worry about along with chores and, most importantly, general relaxation duties to attend to.

Since my summer vacation looks to be swallowed up by summer classes, I need to enjoy my time at home, for I will only be able to enjoy it for so long.

I growing up, whether I like it or not. This is all part of the maturing. While others may try to selfishly prolong their childhood, it is something that must be given up at one point or another. Fighting the inevitable, though a popular decision, is not an option I choose to make (at least not in this case).

Nevertheless, in recognizing this, I believe it is not childish in to seize one of my last few chances to savor what remains of my youth.

At least that's the idea before I put out to "sea" again.

'Enjoying_limited_Shore_Leave'

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WAG - Aloha Arizona

After attending the Arizona Hawaiian festival yesterday (which, as was noted, is, "A festival which makes sense, because the Southwest has always had a stong Polynesian influence"), I thought I'd seen every possible twist expected on this trip.

At the 3-Point Play pool party last night, it was annouced we'd have another round of per diem ("Hooray!" "Now I can afford to eat!" "Now I can afford to pay you back!" etc...), and that we'd be flying out as a group Monday night. All we had to do was pick up our $25 around 11 a.m., and things would be good.

Then came a 8:32 a.m. phone call.

Another twist: A plane couldn't be chartered and the group was to fly out commerically to St. Louis before being bused back to Columbia.

Oh, and due to limited seating, the band was split up between three different planes.

Guess who ended up on the last plane out of here?

...

Yep, I'm on American West Flight 154 departing at 4:09 this afternoon for St. Louis, Missouri.

This trip has been a blast and has had more twists than a Hitchcock film.

Anyway, I've had fun, but I'm ready to go back to Missouri.

Adios Arizona!

'Eastward_ho'

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WAG - Stranded in the Desert

Or why my bags are packed and I'm going nowhere fast

Okay, this is funny...

It was unexpected, but in retrospect it makes sense, and for those of you who have had any intereaction with the soon to be mentioned group, it will all make sense in a moment.

Athletics screwed up again.

Okay, cutting to the chase: Before we left Missouri, we were told if we lost to Stanford Saturday night, we'd head home the next day.

While loading the bus after the game, pondered our departure time (or more specifically, what was the latest we could sleep in), for no specific time had been given. We figured the logistics had already been planned, but not announced to make it look like they were confident about the team's chances.

As we were pulling out of the Wells Fargo Arena parking lot, we were told that the details had not been worked out with the charter company and that we'd be told specifics in the morning.

Okay... We've had how long to plan this trip?

Anyway, still believing it was to be our last day in Tempe, most of the band acted accordingly. Imagine what shenanigans you will.

After getting up this morning, a friend and I checked in with the band staff chaperones to see when we were leaving.

I was told that we'd leave tonight at 8 p.m. or Monday morning, and they were leaning toward tomorrow, and that there'd be no more additional per diem money.

"So those of us who spent like there was no tomorrow are screwed?" I asked.

"Yeah."

I looked at my friend and said, "Looks like we'll be spotting lots of people money."

Another unexpected day in the Southwest.

Once again, athletics has proven the incompetency we so often joke about. You have made posting easier today and you will probably force me to eat food purchased at a gas station to save money.

Thanks.

This won't soon be forgotten.

'Which_is_a_good_and_a_bad_thing'

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WAG - So many stories

I think it's a sign you're having a good trip when you had so much happen to you in one day that you had to check your notes to make sure you didn't miss anything (or at least the major points).

I was woken up by contractors renovating the hotel, trekked several miles down the strip to buy t-shirts from Target, crashed the Standford's band barbeque (after we hit mulitple hotels looking for them), watched their band stage an impromptu rally in our hotel parking lot, been in a group that was propositioned by an old man in a white, unmarked van (who offered to take us anywhere for $15), found out a bomb threat had been called in to the Wells Fargo Arena where the basketball games would be played, and kept celebrating the drum major's "birthday" wherever we went.

"When is my birthday?"

"Today."

"And probably tomorrow."

"The longer our per diem money holds out, the longer your birthday will last."

I've been one of seven people in a cab, been on an ill-fated quest for a nightclub that prompted us to lap downtown, and seen band members running around in a bear outfit.

Yes, this is a cooler trip than the bowl game.

Here's hoping I make it through the rest of it.

'Ghandi_walked_Screw_Ghandi'

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WAG - Still alive

Dear All,

I'm still alive. I survived the plane ride, a sojourn through downtown Tempe and the hotel pool.

I had a steak dinner in the oldest surviving hosue in the city, taken lots of killer quotes from friends, and lost my watch.

I'm having a lot of fun, and now that I'm over my altitude headache (I'd like to thank the manufacturers of Bayer), I'm looking forward to an even better day.

For those of still at MU, enjoy your last day of classes.

I know I'm enjoying mine.

Also, if anyone wants a postcard - a tacky, yet strangely satisfying form of mail, let me know your address and I'll be happy to ablige.

Take care.

'Snail_mailings_by_rest'

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WAG - In defense of women’s athletics

Those who play them can easily stand up for themselves, but due to recent comments left on this page, I felt a public response would be best.

After my entry about the women’s basketball team going to Arizona, a KU fan left a post in response. He asked questions I thought I had answered, but I did my best to respond to him. He also implied I was crushed by the men’s team’s NIT placement, and I replied I was more interested in how the women’s team did.

When the men lost in the first round last night, I figured the poster would come back around again… and I was right.

I don’t mind. I asked for comments and got what was requested.

For those of you who don’t have javascript, or whose webpage is finicky about the comments box, here is the most recent KU response:

Mr. Chickenhead said on Mar 17th 2004, 1:00PM:

Tsk, tsk. Ignore it and it shall go away. It's a shame that you have invested so much of your obviously worthless time on women's basketball. How pedestrian. It's nearly as interesting as watching paint dry, I hear. Anyway, Arthur Johnson and the rest of the felons saved your precious time, since they went and lost in the first round of the Not Invited Tournament. Sad, really. But that doesn't affect you, being that you're such a cool band person.

Later, pussycat!

This is my response to him, and other people who lash out against, belittle, or ignore women’s sports.

Wow, they can be taught!

I knew he'd come around - though I didn't expect him to pickup the name I gave him (or misspell it to boot).

After the earlier stumblings and misunderstandings, he has at least grasped the fact that it’s not only the games and the players, but also what the fans invest in them.

Since I came to MU three years ago, I've watched the women's team steadily improve.
Saturday, five seniors, along with many other deserving players, are getting the chance to fulfill a dream participate in the NCAA tournament.

It is an honor they deserve and have worked hard for. It 's a shame many people write off women's sports - like this self-proclaimed Kansas "fan." It can be hard maintaining faith in a team that's having a rough patch (the KU women's team had a 9-19 overall record), for MU has had similar stretches, but one still must persevere.

I'm ecstatic that the MU women's team is getting the chance to star in the spotlight. They won their last game at the Hearnes Center and that was largely overshadowed by the men's team loss, yes Mr. Rock Chalker, to KU. Then, in the tournament announcements, the NIT developments hogged much of the headlines (and being a journalism student, I know those headlines).

Many sports sites don’t include the depth of detail on women’s sports as they do in men’s, if they include any at all. Title IX (Title Nine for you roman numeral impaired) brought about a great change across the country when it was passed in 1972. It may not have leveled the playing field completely when it comes to funding and support, but it certainly provided opportunities for many women athletes.

Though they are often maligned, forgotten, or ignored, as they press on game after game. There are no fair weather fans at the MU women’s basketball games, because we have no major legacy. Each night, the players are actively building the foundation of the program people will later look back to admire. It’s easier to continue a dynasty once it’s started, but I think those who work to get them off the ground in the first place deserve more credit.

I value my time greatly. Between church, a girlfriend, student staff, and two dual majors, I don’t have much to waste, but spending time with the dedicated fans, band mates, and players is something I look forward to.

“Pedestrian” is defined as ordinary or unexciting. I’ve never seen the game like that. It’s easy to bash something you don’t understand or haven’t experienced. I would guess the KU writer has never watched an entire women’s game. I could be wrong, but the lack of anecdotal evidence, and the reliance on general, clichéd comments, make me feel pretty confident with my supposition.

If you want to bash women’s players, you have the right to, sir. The First Amendment gives you the right of freedom of speech.

However, one is not specifically granted the right to be heard, and I chose not to pay attention any more.

You see my time spent in band as wasted and worthless.

The team may lose in the first round, but I don’t mind. There’s lots of fun to be had.

Regardless of the final score, I’ll have good memories of a free trip to Arizona for my Spring Break.

Think about that, wherever you may be.

And be sure to have a nice day.

'Fair_thee_well_feather_head'

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WAG - Adios

I'm border bound, or at least fairly close to it.

I only have a couple hours to go, and for the third day in a row, I find myself up early in the morning with a long list of things to do.

The major thing today is a shorter time span due to my early morning departure.

Here's all the itinerary I have (you'll notice the returning details are a bit skimpy - considering the plane was only chartered today I guess we'll figure out the other details down the line):

Here is your itinerary. It starts earlier than expected:

8:30am Load bus (instruments/luggage/books/stands) on Southwest side of stadium, just off Providence Rd. at the pedestrian bridge. If you are parking your car in that lot, be sure to place your tag number on the list to avoid getting ticketed. Frank Cuervo is your contact for that information.

9:00am Bus leaves for Columbia Airport.

Everyone will be required to go through security.

10:45am Plane leaves for Tempe, AZ.

* When you arrive tomorrow morning at the bus, there will be an official itinerary for each of you that will include: hotel information, daily schedule, etc.

* Since both games are evening games, your departure would be the following day (Sunday or Tuesday).


The official schedule is that we'll get an official schedule soon enough. Nice.

Wish me luck and pray I get up on time, or if I stay up all night, that I'll be conscious enough to get to the football stadium.

If only I could remember what it looked like. Hm...

Happy Spring Break, all!

'Looking_for_a_big_hole_in_the_ground'

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WAG - Finished!

I'm not positive, but I think I just put the finishing touches on a secret special project.

Well, by "secret" I mean some of you know, but most of you don't and I'll address that soon enough.

More details to come later. Sleep, for now.

'How_do_you_keep_a_person_in_suspense'

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WAG - Making a left turn at Albuquerque

This is really going to be a short post, because I have to get back to editing my profile project, but I really have to make some noise about the Mizzou Women’s Basketball Team making it into the NCAA Tournament!

Note: I love the picture that came with the previously linked article.

I’m especially psyched since I was asked to be on the traveling team in case the team realized the “possibility” that it reached the tournament.

So, a clinched tournament birth + me being a dedicated 3-Point Play = a Southwestern retreat over Spring Break. Now that’s a math problem I can understand and appreciate.

I found out when I was visiting my sister at Truman in Kirksville. I’d gotten to meet several of her friends and watch them engage in various modes of wackiness from arguing a Shakespeare reference to playing with finger cymbals to hanging stereo speakers (unsuccessfully). Anyway, Hannah and I were just returning to her room when the brackets for the NCAA Division 1 Women’s Basketball Tournament were being announced. Seconds after walking in, Mizzou’s name popped up.

Even though I was in a strange, unknown dorm, I felt the urge to do a mini-victory lap. So, after excusing myself, I gave a loud whoop and sprinted halfway down the hall and back. Then, after reentering the room, I gave my sister (who was, unfortunately for her, the closest person) a big hug.

Next up, I was curious to see where we were playing. After all, venues ranged from Santa Barbra, California to Ames, Iowa.

Note: Ames is a nice place. I have great relatives who make a good living there. Of course, if one has a choice between an exotic locale and a familiar place… the answer is usually easy to make… especially when Ames is the other option.

That though quickly became moot when I saw that the team, the pep squads, AND THE BAND, were all headed to Tempe, Arizona.

Note: I just had to pause writing because a source for my profile called me back to say he’d finished putting together a file for me and I could pick it up sometime after 10:30 a.m. With the first draft being due at 9:00 a.m., I am ever tickled by the ironic timing I’ve had when trying to collect information for this story.

Anyway, it looks like I’m destined to have a warmer Spring Break than I originally expected. I don’t know any of the travel arrangements yet. The NCAA won’t release the timing of the game and their “television status” (station they will air on) until tomorrow.

All I know is that # 11 seed Mizzou is set to play our first round game on March 20 against #6 seed Stanford.

I guess I also know that if we win that round, we’ll play the second round on March 22 against the winner of the #3 Oklahoma and #14 Marist game.

Also, I guess I know that if we get past that, the Midwest regional finals, on March 28 and 30, are anybody’s guess.

I know that if I am hard pressed, I can recall that the last time the Women’s team made the NCAA tournament, in 2001, they went farther than the Men’s team did (a second round finish versus a first round defeat. I guess the women have already topped them in this category.

I’d care, but I’m going to Arizona.

Final Note: For those of you who did not get the title reference, Bugs Bunny is well known for often repeating the lament, “I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

At least that’s something I know I don’t need to worry about (since Tempe is about 300 miles to the left of the place where the towels are oh so fluffy: Albuquerque).

'Wacka_wacka_doo_doo_yeah'

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WAG - Many Lines to Go Before I Sleep

The one thing about spending all your spare hours over the weekend working on a first draft of a profile is that you still have other things to worry about once the project is turned in.

Now, my teacher loved my story and its format – or at least the first page she scanned – but I immediately had to go to work getting other things done.

I have a few hundred pages in reading assignments left. I have some staff stuff. I also have to plan some stuff for the band trip since I found out late this afternoon athletics is flying Three Point Play to Arizona. The unexpected thing is that we’re leaving on Thursday (instead of later in the week like I first surmised).

Note: Sorry, Steph. Looks like I’ll miss your party, but I promise to bring back something Southwestern.

I don’t have times yet, but it means I have a bit of things to do during a shorter amount of time than expected.

Oh well…

Back to the books… First up, Robert Frost.

'He_will_not_see_me_stopping_here'

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WAG - The Second makes Third!

Hey all you Vatican trivia lovers out there, there’s a new stat about to hit the books tomorrow!

On Sunday, Pope John Paul the Second will celebrate his 9,281st day in office. John Paul II (I am resisting the urge to make a Junior joke), started his tenure on October 16, 1978. After 25 years and 5 months, he will crack the top three of the all-time longest-lasting pope category.

J.P.2 still has about 7 more years to go if he is going to climb any higher.

Second on the all-time list is Pius IX, who severed 31 years, seven months, and 17 days from June 1846 and February 1878. With the current pope nearly reaching the age of 84, the pontiff’s birthday is on May 18, many expect the pope to step down before much longer. Of course, such rumors have been going around for a few years. Should the pope keep on trucking, and his health has improved since the rigorous series of 25th anniversary events conducted back in October, he will have to go an additional nine to twelve years to best the all-time unsurpassed champion.

At the top of the list since the position was formed is St. Peter, Simon Peter to his friends, who was the first pope. Tradition says he severed from A.D. 30 to A.D. 64 or 67 - a tenure of 34 or 37 years. Funny thing, when the Christians were experiencing a lot of persecution, it seems they didn’t worry as much about maintaining a proper paper trail. Go figure.

Though there is talk of imposing a mandatory age cap after John vacates the position, bishops – for example – must retire at age 75, it seems that the guy is going to keep on trucking. The pope has made over 102 foreign trips and has more trips planned in the spring. For as long as he is around, I seems he is going to be a papal the energizer bunny.

Note: State law mandates that at least one joke is made about the Pope and his transportation (i.e. the Pope-Mobile). This rule was a rider placed on last summer’s soybean protection bill. Anyway, not wanting to directly taint the site with such questionable remarks, I found a loophole that will allow me to link to a joke about the Pope and his chauffeur and still remain in compliance.

All joking aside, I do wish to extend our condolences go out to fans of Pope Leo XIII who have seen their hero drop to Number 4 on the list. He is the unspoken victim of the day.

So tomorrow be sure to celebrate Johnny’s triumph and resilience, but do remember to lift a glass in Leo’s honor as well.

Remember, fourth isn’t that bad – especially in a contest where it won’t be decades until another competitor gets the chance to challenge you.

'Salud_Popes'

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WAG - Do-It-Yourself Home Mental Disorder Test

Today, after a series of ups and downs (pressure about my profile, the university archives shipping the wrong file, finding the number of the daughter of my subject – and her being willing to call me back long-distance from Virginia), I feel I should perform some type of mental heath examination on myself.

Thinking of what test would suffice, I thought back to a few days earlier when I was skimming old entries on this site. I ran across a February 22 entry where I did a 5-word free association exercise.

Thus, I was inspired to update the test, expand it a tad, and put it to my personal use.

The sections will be prompted by words randomly selected from the Webster’s New World College Dictionary: Fourth Edition.

Note: I had to buy it for editing class. Actually, I put off purchasing it for several weeks before there was a quiz specifically covering information included in the book (and all the University Book Store’s copies came plastic wrapped where one didn’t have the luxury of perusing it for free). After all that, I figure I might as well go a bit out of my way to get a bit more use out of it (at least until I need a new door stop).

Anyway, without any other interruption, may we introduce…

The 7-Word Psycho-Self-Analysis Test
-----------------patent pending

Ear – Head Phones – Music – Muzak – Elevator – Shaft – “Can you Dig it?” – Shovel
- Personal Diagnosis: Other than displaying a predilection or preference for song cues, things look good.

Petal - Flower – Skunk – Bambi – Bambi’s Mom – Shot Gun - Jr. Walker and The All Stars
- Personal Diagnosis: Okay. Once again, I find myself musing about the lyrics of a golden oldie, I took a potentially tragic cue and turned it into something peppy and upbeat.

Latin - Greek – Oedipus – Eyes – Blind – Ray Charles – Diet Pepsi
- Personal Diagnosis: Once again, perky music trumps a depressing motif. You got the right one, baby, uh huh.

Karl Marx - Russia – U.S.S.R. – Cold War – Nuclear Winter – Sledding – Frosty
- Personal Diagnosis: Bucking the potential Beatles cue, though it was a close second, I found the bright, happy points in a thermonuclear end to the world. Hey kids! Snow days are permanent now!

Deputy - Sheriff – Badge – Six-shooter – Wyatt Earp – Tombstone – Pizza
- Personal Diagnosis: Not much to say hear other than I realized I was hungry at the end.

Vertebra - Spine – Stegosaurus – T-Rex – Jurassic Park – Tourist Trap – Hayley Mills
- Personal Diagnosis: Okay this is going to take some ‘splaining. My mind stalled out for a wild around “Tourist Trap” before kicking out Hayley Mills who stared in the original 1961 classic Parent Trap which, for those of you who, like my sister, take close score of these things, should not be confused with the 1998 remake which starred Lindsay Lohan in the ultimate double billing.

Everglades - Gators – Powerade – Track – Laps – Dog – Tired
- Personal Diagnosis: Old track memories (conjuring up the smell of dirt, sweat, and Gatorade) die-hard.

Narcotics - Crack Cocaine – Columbia – MU – Truman – “Buck Stops Here” - Hunting
- Personal Diagnosis: Okay, the whole thing took a dark turn toward the end, but I know a number of hunters who have evoked Harry’s famous motto as their own.

Receptionist - Phone – Telemarketer – Evil – Bad – Satan – Beelzebub
- Personal Diagnosis: This would be a sign I was turning for the worst if the “t-word” context didn’t justify the outburst. I’m putting this one down as a fluke.

Lyre - Liar – “Pants on Fire” – Fire Department – Trucks – Lights – Roller Disco
- Personal Diagnosis: Flashing lights prompt memories of 70’s songs being played at the skating rink (though at that early age, I didn’t realize the significance of the songs played until later).

Oregon Trail – Trail Blazing – Pioneers – Covered Wagons – Circling – Blazing Saddles – canned Klu Klux Klan
- Personal Diagnosis: While thinking of the brave settlers headed out West, I soon thought of the caravan in the movie Blazing Saddles where Cleavon Little’s family forms a one-wagon circle.

That immediately evoked my favorite scene in the movie where Cleavon and Gene Wilder lure two white-robbed idiot bigots into an ambush thrashing with the immortal line, “Hey, where are the white women at?”

Test results indicate: It looks like I’m more pop culture obsessed than depressed, which has pros and cons in and of itself.

Final Conclusion: I'm doing fine, which is the same, which is fine.

'Didnt_need_no_ten_buck_co_pay_either'

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WAG - It's About Time!

Being a journalism student, I spend a bit of time reading the news.

Note: And by "a bit," I mean for the phrase to be applied in the same manner as, "I breathe a bit as well."

Anyway, along with practicing my writing and speling in basic classes, I'm now working my way through editing classes. Now, I'm looking more at formats and how stories are presented and what headlines are used.

Thus, I am tickled by accidentally ambiguous headline: U.S. to Take Charge of Haiti Force - France.

After reading that headline, all I can think is: I’m surprised we didn’t invade the country earlier for all its bickering and backbiting.

Countless bad jokes flitter through my head. What was the size of the invading force it took to compel the French to surrender?

Answer: It took a single company of 16 members (counting the platoon cook and the Dalmation mascot, Lil’ Sparky).

Imagine them storming EuroDisney to liberate it, much to the resounding joy of the lone remaining tourist in the park.

I have visions of the Eiffel Tower being painted red, white, and blue with a McDonalds installed at the top (and all of the Happy Meals come with little G.I. paratroopers which the children can then throw over the side to pelt the locals below and provide a steady reminder of who is in charge.)

My most perverse pleasure come from the imagined organized readjustment of the culture and the steady indoctrination of American values:

Let's take a peak at such an "education" session:

American solider: Say it.

Beret wearing local: No.

American solider: Say it!

Berated Local: I can’t.

American solider: SAY IT!

Tearing up local: Okay! And I'll have a side order of, sniff, Freedom fries…

American solider: That’s better

Broken Freedom-man: (Collapses in a heap and starts to weep into his silly looking hat).

None of this is close to the reality of the French official saying that the U.S. was taking over, but it certainly made me chuckle.

And for anyone who wishes to denounce this attempt at humor, I only have this as a response.

'Bonjour'

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WAG - A Mountain High Enough

Sorry Ms. Ross.

Look's like Diana is headed back to jail.

After getting a DUI back in Arizonaon December 30, 2002, she was sentenced to spend 48 hours in jail. She got the timing pushed back and eventually got permission to serve her term in Connecticut, near her home.

During the time when she was suppossed to be spending her time, and don't you wish the justice system was so patient with us non-celebrities, Ross took two extended "breaks" from jail - including one 12 hour sojourn - over the course of three days.

The Arizona judge, upon learning that she never even spent consecutive 24 hours in the lockup, said her personalized form of incarceration didn't meet state requirements, and ordered her to return to the arid state to serve her 48-hours all in a row.

Score one for the justice system, but I do feel sorry for that one special person that Diana has been singing to.

It looks like this may keep her from getting to you, babe.

'Valley_low_enough_for_you'

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WAG - ”One more down...”

As I walked out of the English building massaging my right hand gingerly to coax blood back into it after spending one hour and 17 minutes on the test, I quietly said to myself, “One more down, two more to go…”

Of course, that’s just the start of it. In addition to the two midterms, of which my toughest one (J-110: Editing) is tomorrow, I have a profile I need to write for Monday, a revision due (Is it a bad thing when your major source says he’s so busy that I need to check back with him AFTER Spring Break?), and a 10 month anniversary to plan (granted that last one mainly involves deciding what to do for lunch and what DVD to watch, but a person still worries about such things).

I also just realized (after that last paragraph) that I am developing a major dependency on parenthesises (()).

My goal is to make it to 9:05 a.m. next Monday with my sanity intact.

Sounds like a long shot, doesn’t it?

To help, today I decided to treat myself at the University Bookstore: I bought a pen. Nothing fancy, especially since it looks like I need to start saving my money, but every little bit helps.

I was thinking of getting a copy of Pygmalion along with the book, showing how big of a literary nerd I am, but I figured that would be too much for a mid-point celebration.

Note: For those of you who don’t know, Pygmalion is My Fair Lady, just without the singing or Rex Harrison.

Maybe I’ll pick that up Monday afternoon…

Until then, it’s back to the other books…

'Ah_The_wonderful_world_of_grammar'

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WAG - The Shiniest Midterm Ever

I’m on the verge of March-Midterm-Madness.

I have four midterms due this week, a story revision due as soon as possible (AKA, when I get around to it), and another story due next Monday. The week before Spring Break will be a breeze, but the forecast of the weather I’ll have to traverse first will be very “interesting.”

My first midterm is today, but I’m not worried about it because I already finished it. Yes, the take home midterm (only my second one in my college career [Thank you Professor Bondeson for Humanities 103]) that was one of the highlights of last week.

After working on it a pinch at a time over the course of the weekend, I finally answered the last question this afternoon. It was supposed to be typed up, and after the last SpelChek, I hit print.

As I started to skim through a music folder for appropriate “happy dance music” (in the key of I’m glad I have one-of-four now done), I did a double take when seeing sparks come from the printer.

Wait… Not sparks, sparkles!

Before the weekend, I’d made certificates for Stakeholder and Faculty Appreciation Week for the Journalism and Mass Communications (JMC) community. Apparently, I’d left the shiny paper in the printer.

I quickly swapped the paper out, but it was too late to salvage the first page. It was irrevocably dazzling.

I decided not to reprint the page because I wanted to conserve paper, I didn’t want to trash the luminous sheet, and I figured my Internet Law professor would appreciate the effort. I wrote a brief note to my professor, and a scrap piece of neon green paper, explaining the brilliantly flashing front page and stapled the whole pile together.

So, in 20 minutes when I turn in the midterm, I bet I’ll have the most radiant midterm of the whole class.

Wonder if that’s worth any extra credit.

'If_that_doesnt_make_me_look_bright_I_dont_know_what_will'

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WAG - Bonus Question: How long does it take to cook a 3-minute egg?

And we thought the Ricky Clemons thing was pathetic.

Thursday night, during the course of my usual weekly phone call with my parents, I first heard about the latest basketball scandal.

Yes, I know it may seem like they’re a quarter a dozen (you know how inflation is slightly up) these days, but this is a doozy.

A standard charge is leveled across basketball teams across the nation (from levels ranging from middle school to college) that coaches go out of their way to give their players an education free ride. Rumors of tutors, designated test takers, exam answer banks, and other accessories are often alluded to. Though admittedly not true for all athletes, it is “common knowledge” that many have had a little extra grease put on their wheels (and it usually comes from somebody else’s elbows).

The end all, save all myth, however, is the slack off course specifically tailored for those who possess sports scholarships. The legend of easy classes often referred to with suspicion, (such as MU’s geology class known as “Rocks for Jocks”), but rarely is there solid proof of such scholastic shenanigans.

Of course, and the former assistant basketball coach at the University of Georgia Jim Harrick Jr. can attest to this, there are always exceptions to the rules.

In the fall of 2001, Harrick taught PEDS 3912, or Coaching Methods for Basketball.
The 39-member class was predominately populated by basketball players.

The syllabus says the course will teach skills such as “ various techniques and styles of dribbling” and cover topics including
“coaching boys and differences from coaching girls”. The last item of the syllabus was about dealing with the post-game media, which has become very important to the former pupils who are now being prodded by the press.

Questions about Georgia’s basketball program and the conduct of the coaching staff has been swirling since 2002. The head coach, Jim Harrick Senior (Jimmy’s daddy) resigned and his son’s contract was not renewed. The NCAA started an investigation into “academic fraud” and “improper benefits” and the team was kept out of the SEC (Southeastern) and NCAA tournaments.

Think the charges are pretty bad? Let’s look at the evidence.

Over 1,500 papers were released by the university in response to the NCAA’s request for more information about the violations. The document being most cited in the media is a copy of the final for PEDS 3912. It is the ultimate nail in the coffin for the allegations.

You can view the test in the link previously given, or you can peruse this adapted version below. In order to help people who may not be familiar with the Georgia basketball program, I altered the questions as if the test was being given by a Missouri Tiger’s coach. Granted, that won’t help you if you’re from out of state, but what can you do?

For clarity sake, clarification items added by me are in (parenthesises) and any questions that were edited appear in bold. Only the Georgia answers have been deleted and the original alternatives were retained (except for #12 where the MU’s correct answer was already listed, and “Blue” was added in).

Imagine that you are a basketball player and you were given this test.

Ready? Begin.


PEDS 3912 Final Exam Name:

1. How many goals are on a basketball court?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

2. How many players are allowed to play at one time on any one team in a regulation game?
a. 2
b. 3
c. 4
d. 5



3. In what league to (sic) the Missouri Tigers compete?
a. ACC (Atlantic Coast Conference)
b. Big Ten
c. Big XII
d. Pac 10 (Pacific Ten)


4. What is the name of the arena where the Missouri Tigers play?
a. Cameron Indoor Arena (Duke University)
b. Hearnes Center
c. Carrier Dome (Syracuse University)
d. Pauley Pavilion (UCLA)

5. How many halves are in a college basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2 (Hint – Check the answer to #1)
c. 3
d. 4

6. How many quarters are in a high school basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

7. How many points does one field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

8. How many points does a 3-point field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

9. How many officials referee a college basketball game?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 6
d. 3

10. How many teams are in the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Tournament?
a. 48
b. 64
c. 65
d. 32

11. What is the name of the exam which all high school seniors in the State of Georgia must pass?
a. Eye Exam
b. How Do The Grits Taste Test
c. Bug Control Exam
d. Missouri Assessment Program

12. What basic color are the uniforms the Missouri Tigers wear in home games?
a. Blue
b. Red
c. White
d. Silver

13. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in away games?
a. Pink
b. Blue
c. Orange
d. Black

14. How many minutes are played in a college basketball contest?
a. 20
b. 40
c. 60
d. 90

15. How many minutes are played in a high school basketball game?
a. 15
b. 30
c. 32
d. 45

16. Diagram the 3-point line.

17. Diagram the half-court line.

18. How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one Basketball game before fouling out in that game? (Hint – it’s the “Bad number”)
a. 3
b. 5
c. 7
d. 0

19. If you go on to become a huge coaching success, to whom will you tribute (sic) the credit?
a. Mike Krzyzewski (Duke University)
b. Bobby Knight (Texas Tech)
c. John Wooden (UCLA)
d. Quin Snyder

20. In your opinion, who is the best Division I assistant coach in the country?
a. Ron Jursa (sic) (Marshall Universtity [Ron Jirsa - former coach at Georgia 1997-99])
b. John Pelphrey (University of South Alabama)
c. Quin Snyder
d. Steve Wojciechowski (Duke University)

Personally, question 11 is my favorite, though the last question took some gall to ask.


Not only is the test insultingly easy, even for people who have never played the game on a regular basis, but there are some indications you didn’t even have to do that much. Sports Illustrated quoted a person who said on exam day, when some people didn’t show up, those present were encouraged to tell their missing classmates to drop by the coaches office, but also that it was “no big deal.” Further evidence turned in indicates that the tests weren’t even graded; though I’d wager the last two questions were skimmed.

The Red and Black, the university’s independent student paper, had their feature story on the recent document dump. In it, they quote a university official’s discontent with the media’s coverage of the situation:

“I wish the media were not so quick to use this exam to 'har de har' at the University of Georgia," he said. "They took one page out of a 1,500-page report and pulled it completely out of context."

Do you recall how many points is a 3-point point goal worth?

I think this situation has context enough.

The final page of the exam wished the students a “Great Christmas Break!!!”

At the time, I bet he wasn’t expecting the team to go on an extended “vacation” or for him to have a permanent “time out” from his job. I can feel for the university students that are branded for their association with the school. Times are going to be rough. Archrivals will do what they can to keep such memories fresh, tournament berths will be bitterly missed, and your self-respect will take a hit.

Life will go on, however. The tainted badge of “corrupt basketball” will come to pass. Somewhere else across this great nation of ours, another athletic scandal is brewing. Testimony is being given, document requests written up, and public relation officials are sweating.

And someday, you’ll be able to thank some bozo idiot coach at some other school by drawing the attention away from your sorry campus, in the same way I’m expressing my gratitude.

Thanks Bulldogs.

'Who_is_buried_in_Grants_tomb'

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WAG - ”Is there something in the water?"

This is the question I asked while I stood in the doorway and looked at the girls who were trying to “sail” their cardboard “boat” down the stairs at the end of the hallway.

At the time, I asked if the “captain” wanted to borrow my bike helmet. The politely refused my help and returned to their room. A few minutes later when they reemerged from “port” with additional supplies (several lengths of bubble wrap placed in key areas they wanted padded), it reaffirmed for the second time in 20 minutes that I love college.

The ruckus that first jolted me from my room can only be described with one word: Hulkamania.

I heard a group come enter the floor yelling loudly and banging on doors. “You can’t stop it! Nothing can stop it!” was the only phrase I could make out. The voice become more distinct as the rumbling came closer. I finally placed the person as a first floor person who frequented the ground floor (as many cool people do), as he pounded on my door saying “Not even you can stop it, Caleb!”

Okay, now I was involved – and very curious.

Opening my door, I saw a crowd of people moving down the hall. Moving closer, I first spotted a guy with a crop of blond hair circling a bald spot, wearing red underwear on the outside of his yellow sweat pants, and topped by a yellow sweatshirt with Hulkamania written in red.

He was being cheered on by the crowd, but mainly by a tall guy in a tacky plaid sports jacket, stripped paints, and sporting black shades indoors…at night. He was calling out things like, “That’s my boy!’ and “Come on! I taught you better than that!” There was also a person filming them, but he certainly wasn’t the highlight.

Apparently, the person playing Mr. Hulkamania was planning on shaving his reddish blond hair. Deciding to have some fun before it totally did away with his old hairdo, he dyed it blond and shaved the top, making him look eerily like classic Hulk Hogan (not the modern, darker “Hollywood Hulk Hogan”).

He was being assisted by another friend, who is also the ground floor governor, who played the role of his energetic, overly ambitious agent.

The two made for quite a combination.

Cramer was only the halfway point for the evening fun. Earlier, the duo had crashed “Comedy Wars,” the campus improv show, at the Memorial Union. Before leaving the hall, they picked a fight with the burliest guy on the floor (who trounced both of them at the same time [even as Hulkamania kept calling him “Andre the Giant”]) and then played a WWF Playstation game. “Hulkamania needs to practice,” he said before challenging and beating the electronic version of Andre. This was all done while mugging for the video camera.

The last scheduled stop was the Student Rec(reation) Center, where they were going to go lift weights. The agent was going to change into shorts and retain his jacket and sunglasses, while Hulkamania said he had no reason to change anything.

I hope to see the video highlights when this is all done.

While writing all this, in the distance, I could hear the soft sound of popping bubble wrap. It’s days like this when I appreciate living in the residence halls surrounded by vibrant and creative people.

This is also the day where I my sister interrupted a shower with a phone call asking for tips for drinking a gallon of milk (for a friend, NOT for herself).

All in all, I can honestly say, I love college… though our water supply is definitely spiked with something.

'Not_that_its_a_bad_thing'

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WAG - What? Haven't you been tempted to do something like this?

I'd wager you have.

Some people are simply outraged about the story the story of the teacher who bet a student $20 that they'd get hurt if they jumped out the window.

I can't say I've ever done anything like that (most of my bets have a $5 cap, though they most regullarly hover around a buck), but I will admit I've thought of stuff like that. Ever want to teach a smarmy kid a lesson? I think we all have.

Of course, the number one reason not to make a bet like this is because the kid would probably go for it. Personally, if a teacher challenged me like that, I'd have a hard time turning it down. It's win-win for the jumper.

If you stick the landing, and a second-floor hop doesn't look so bad, you've bested the teacher - regardless of whether or not you collect your cash.

If you get hurt, what's your excuse? The teacher put me up to it. You'd have students beating each other to colloborate your story.

And if you really want to get the teach the teacher a lesson, make the jump, collect the cash, and THEN turn him or her in.

Excepting the fact that $20 didn't exchange hands, that seems to be what has happened in the story. The kid won, and the teacher lost (both his point and his pride and probably his job).

I'm not saying to go easy on the person. It's still wrong.

I'm just saying people should be more cautious about denouncing the guy. You may not have expected something like this, but don't say you'd never "dream of something like this."

Twenty bucks says you have.

You know it. Stop saying otherwise. It's nothing personal, but that's the humans are.

'So_long_tenure_Its_time_to_pay_the_Piper'

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WAG - God’s Been Good to Me

With some major deadlines creeping up on me this week, I've been on the edge of a nervous wreck.

I have a major article due Wednesday afternoon with a source who wouldn't schedule me in until Tuesday morning. I also had a mid-term scheduled for Wednesday. There were also a slew of other assignments due.

I knew this week was going to be a bit much.

Late last week, I was starting to get nervous about soon being nervous, but the true wave hadn't struck me yet. The initial pangs of the actual assault began to ping Sunday evening. Walking to class this morning, I could feel the start of a mood swing, but knew figured things would really go batty Tuesday.

This afternoon, I got this email:

In a message dated 3/1/2004 1:52:22 PM Central Standard Time, Sandydsays [MY INTERNET LAW PROFESSOR] writes:

Hi! I'm not feeling well and will not be able to go to class. Therefore, class is cancelled. Please take the opportunity to enjoy this warm, windy afternoon. I'd suggest a nice walk, preferably with a dog or two.

The exam on Wednesday will be a take-home exam due the next Monday. [!!!]

Take care, and avoid people who look contagious.

Sandy Davidson

So, my schedule will still be tough, but it feels like it has become infinitely more manageable.

I'll still be scrambling to write like the Dickens, but I don't have to worry about going into the midterm unprepared.

You know, when you still have to put on a one-act play, write a 500-page paper, finish scheduling classes, and still knock out a narrative profile in 48 hours, but you don't feel frantic, life is good. And there's only one person to thank for that.

Don't say I didn't give you enough credit in this case, this time Lord.

Please remember that when I'm burning off the type on my keyboard while frenetically composing tomorrow.

'Yes_He_s_always_been_good'

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