Music: “If I could Talk to the Animals” from Dr. Doolitle: the Musical
I recently discovered there was a program called “The Dog Whisperer.”
The idea just cracked me up. First people whisper to horses, then dogs. What’s next? “The Crocodile Whisperer?”
Actually, I believe I’d pay good money to watch that quality, albeit short-lived, program.
WARNING! This program is not intended for a young audience or those with frail dispositions. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
No seriously. We mean it.
Still watching? Fine. Go ahead – no skin off our noses. We only ask you NOT to call our switchboards with complaints when the nightmares hit in a couple of hours. After all, we did warn you.
“Hello folks, and welcome back to the Crocodile Whisperer. As you can see I’ve largely healed up from the injuries I suffered in the pilot.
While me doctors, lawyers, and loved ones have encouraged me to seek a different vocation, I believe the best way to get over an injury is to jump back in the scaly saddle.
As always, I employ the advice me Daddy gave me when I was a wee boy: “Blow in her ear and she’ll follow you anywhere.”
Alas, me Dad died young. Not due to a reptilian debacle, but because me Mom caught him applying his technique with another woman, God rest his soul.
I still visit me parents every Thursday. I drop off flowers for Dad at the local graveyard before joining Mom for “tea” at the penitentiary. In another 10 to 20, we’ll be able to do that without bulletproof glass separating us.
Anyway, if you noticed the large, lumbering beauty behind me, you’ve seen Beatrice. She’s a definite alpha-female around here. Also, she just built a nest and laid her eggs for the season, which means this mum’s maternal instinct is especially sharp right now.
Still, all it will take is a short puff and I’m sure we can get a closer look at her precious young’ins.”
At least that’s how I imagine it would go.
Tune in tomorrow when we aim to examine communication with creatures that are less cold-blooded.
