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Live Paradox

A journeyman’s ramblings: He is no everyman, but one who turns a carefully focused eye on the events of the madcap world around him. He aims to point out what others miss and draw attention to the patterns that exist amongst the chaos. 

Friday, January 31, 2003

7:46 AM -

WAG - Let's see, today I added two new links just to your left. One was a site previously linked to, but not permanently added: the Sluggy Freelance webcomic. It's hillarious and has developed several interesting layers of mythology (aka: for the best effect, start reading from the beginning so you get all the back references).

The second link I stole from Real Life.com. The premise is you're waging a war and everytime your special link is clicked, you get a larger army. Granted, you may not get into role-playing, take-over-the-world-stuff (and truth be told, I'll probably tire of this in a month), but click on it once a day while it's up-your click only counts once every 24 hours. You don't have to join yourself, but it would give me some pleasure; even if I never have the time to play with the army I get.

This also acts as a poor man's Site Hit counter, so don't let me get depressed over how few people actually read this site.

Thanks. I feel better already.

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Thursday, January 30, 2003

9:05 PM -

WAG - Nothing much to report tonight (other than saying "Extended" episodes of NBC's Must-See-TV caused me to have to choose between "Scrubs" and "CSI." Comedy versus corpses. Hard choice, but I went with "Scrubs").

Anyway, the only thing I have to do is homework.

I'm going to curl up in a corner with the Marx's "Communist Manifesto" and Kris Cringle (that's a special kind of Chex mix, for the people out there without Pierce blood [or should I say, people not from my mother's side of the family]).

Any aliteration is purely unintentional because I worked my way through a quarter of the book, and the bucket, before I thought to post.

If I meant to be espeically alliterate, I would have been enjoying chilled Coke instead of lukewarm tap water.

So it's official: no more alliteration tonight, on purpose or not.

With that cleared up, I must go back to reading.

Bye-Bye

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Tuesday, January 28, 2003

7:29 AM -

WAG - An epiphany hit me this morning while I was caught up in the middle of my morning routine.

I now check my campus email more frequently than I do my Hotmail account.

Now there’s a major shift in habits.

I still check both frequently, but the fact that campus email has surpassed Hotmail is a big thing. The majority of students as Mizzou only rarely check their campus email. It is more often used by upperclassmen or upperclasswomen (to be PC). Last year, I would check Tiger Mail about once a month (for the first part of my second semester, after my roommate Andy moved out last year, that’s about as often as I check my dorm mail box as well [Andy had always gotten the mail and I’d never gotten around to learning the combination]).

Due to work, the Missourian, and other higher-level classes, as well the fact I’m on the College of Journalism mailing list (which cranks out about 6 emails on a slow day), I have to check my campus mail more often.

I know this may not be interesting to anyone else, and I promise to get back to ranting about more entertaining rants next time, but I thought I’d just share this because this is what I’m thinking about.

And Lord knows, insanity loves company.

Have a good day.

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Sunday, January 26, 2003

10:56 PM -

WAG - Sunday, January 26, 2003.

I realize Blogger adds in the date at the start of every post (and at the end as well in case one forgets). I merely wanted to type it in once more because I have the feeling this may be one of the last few dates before war with Iraq. Maybe the last...

I would rather go on about how the Raiders played poorly, or chat about Super Bowl commercials, or several other more enjoyable topics, but I feel I should record some thoughts before our country enters into conflict.

The last major milestone that I can see before a war with Iraq is the UN Weapon's Inspector's report, which is to be delivered in the couple few hours. The only other signpost on the horizon is Tuesday's State of the Union Speech, but it would not surprise me if troops are already sent in before hand.

Don't get the wrong impression here. I'm not a war-drum banger (when I hear about people banging war drums, I see it as people who are trying to create a beat and movement where none previously exists. There are also people who sound the call and match up with a beat and direction already provided). I do not relish the idea of war and am not ignorant of the gruesome scenes of battle that exist beyond the sanitized version of war that is seen on television.

Nevertheless, I believe Iraq is a threat to the world and should be dealt with. Sanctions haven't worked. Embargos are useless. Treaties and attempts at appeasement have been uneffective. And the last straw, Iraq has not proved itself innocent of weapons of mass destruction (if UN inspectors don't find anything, that means diddly! Unlike the US court system, guidelines setup by the UN places the burden of evidence on Iraq. It is guilty until proven innocent).

With at least 15 of the 19 nations of NATO, plus other allies, the US doesn't need any more allies. UN resolutions haven't been met, which would trigger UN sanctioned war.

The only thing left is the next report of UN Inspectors, which isn't expected to report anything new.

I seriously expect war in the next few weeks; maybe even as soon as tomorrow. I would not be surprised if on Tuesday President Bush uses his soap box to explain why the US/British led coaltion have moved in.

I do not savor war. As a younger kid, I once did. I can remember pictures of soliders in desert camo setting up for Operation Desert Shield (the buildup mission before Desert Storm started). One can imagine how army commandos and bombs with pinpoint cameras could be exciting and enthralling to a kid (and it wasn't just kids in the country that were caught up).

Now I'm older, and I know a lot more about how cruel life can be. I expect that when Iraq is invaded, Saddam and company are going to cut loose with every single weapon they have (especially the ones they've denied possessing).

I don't smile when I envision the body count, even if the regime change goes quickly. People are going to die. Lives shall be lost. Souls will go on to judgement.

Still, we are fighting for a good cause. Saddam and his family are hideous people. I wouldn't compare him to Hitler, but he and his sons are quite ruthless people. The cronies and thugs who have supported them despite their attrocities aren't nice people either. People will die in Iraq, but people already have died (and are still dying) due to a destructive ruling party. More people will die if Saddam continues to stockpile weapons (a person like him has shown that he isn't collecting them merely as a bargaining chip-see North Korea, who admits to most of their actions).

I don't think this is about oil. I don't think this is about legacy building. I don't think this is merely a ploy to draw our attention away from more important things.

I think this is about winning a safer life for people all around the world.

It may seem ironic that one interupts peace with war to ensure future peace, but that's what needs to be done now. I believe we will trade a shaky, threatened peace now for a more stable, better protected peace in the future.

Can anyone really argue for that kind of trade?

Pray for our nation and our fighters around the world.

Rather than end somberly, here's a verse I read in church today that has as much impact now as when it was written thousands of years ago (isn't it amazing how often that happens...):

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up;

A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to cast away;

A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak.

A time to love, And a time to hate; A time for war, And a time for peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Peace may come after war, but it's ultimate arrival is promised.

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003

9:28 PM -

WAG - Whoa...

Judging by the faintly beating pulse I can feel beneath my fingertips, I apparently survived the first day of classes.

I consider that quite an accomplishment; even though I only had two scheduled classes.

Before I get all kinds of email insulting me, not that I wouldn’t mind the email, let me explain…

I had two classes scheduled for today, but I also put in several hours at the Missourian, the local newspaper in town.

The Missouri Method, which the MU Journalism school operates under, believes that one learns the most from doing. That is the reason why we’re the only campus with its own network affiliate station (KOMU channel 8) and daily community newspaper.

Notice how I didn’t say campus newspaper. There’s a lot of those, but with a much smaller viewership and having much less impact on the community.

Having an impact on the community can be both good and bad, depending on how it’s used. My goal is to use it the best I can; and when I don’t, and we’re all warned it will happen, still hope to learn something from it.

I don’t know if my article is due tomorrow, or will be pushed farther back, but I know I’ve learned a lot about coyotes (and how more coyotes have been moving more urban areas as humans continue to expand more into their habitat as well).

Quick fact: Did you know that coyotes have not just one, but TWO howling seasons? One is from January through February and the other is September through October.

I’ll tell you, I certainly felt like howling myself by the time I left the building.

Fortunately I did find the time before catching a quick power nap before Smallville came on after which I booked it to the front desk to fill the final shift of the day.

I’m tired, a bit drained, but also optimistic and excited.

I’m at least fairly sure I’ll make it to another day.

Time will tell…

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Thursday, January 16, 2003

10:08 PM -

WAG - As I crouch before this keyboard, I briefly review how much ammo I have left.

I have 3 rounds left in my five clip and my one-shot is loaded. Baring any unforeseen misfires or sloppy shots, I have 4 darts left… and 4 opponents remaining. What an entertaining equation…

It’s open season here at Hatch Hall. The latest craze to hit the Honors Floors is fighting with dart guns.

Yes, the same force that brought you “Field Bowling” and the infamous “The Milk Drinking Contest” have reached into their pasts and renewed our pleasure in faux gunplay.

Charleston Heston would be proud.

Starting on a whimsical trip to Wal-Mart (as many college misadventures do), cheaply priced singly shot dart guns were purchased by a small posse of people on the 5th floor.

The ambushes shortly followed.

The next day, the ante was raised with the introduction of a five-clip, rapid fire dart gun (by yours truly). Tomorrow, Nerf weapons will probably be purchased and Lord knows where the arms race will be before classes start on Tuesday.

It’s gonna be an interesting weekend.

I apologize for not updating yesterday and breaking a record chain of rants. I had the choice between another 3 paragraph applogy for only having 3 paragraphs or nothing at all. It was a difficult decision to make. Fortunately I got distracted for an hour, midnight came and went, and the point became moot.

Anyway, life in Hatch has become more lively since the doors opened yesterday at noon. I’m no longer the only one in the wing (in fact about a third of us are here, but that’s largely a rarity in the dorm). A few people came early to beat the “killer” storm that was supposed to cover Columbia in over 10 inches of snow. Later the forecast said a maximum of ten and leaning more toward eight. When the Hatchlings woke up today (many to the regular Thursday morning fire drill [which is something we may have wanted to mention to the new kids before they started evacuating {fortunately some cleaning ladies straightened them out before they got outside}] to a light powdering. We were supposed to get 2-4 inches of snow. This afternoon I was engaged in an argument if we even got the two inches.

The meteorologist may have struck out this time, but if the long-term forecast is right (heh heh…), they get another shot predicting snow fall this Saturday and later next week as well.

Despite the smiling pink flamingos in my window, I have to admit its Winter.

With this weather, I expect Hatch to remain isolated, with most people waiting till Sunday or Monday till they arrive and if the wind chill remains as constant as, there won’t be much frolicking outside.

Still, I can enjoy my warm room (whenever I decide to close my window) and take some comfort in the fact I have the best dart gun in the dorm; and it’s loaded.

At least, for now…

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Sunday, January 12, 2003

11:18 PM -

WAG - It’s my last night in Sullivan for a while. My feelings, as usual, are conflicted.

Both pros and cons await me, and those are just the people on the honors floors, and that both excites and depresses me.

Part of the reason is the fact my schedule is still up in the air despite the fact I’m starting it in about a week.

I wish I could blame this on STAR MU or the university, but this uncertainty is tied to the currently undisclosed hours I’ll be working at The Missourian, the local newspaper.

I won’t find out where the 15 hours I pledged to work will fit in for another week; and I don’t know how well they will fit. It’s not class and it’s not the job, it’s the potentially chaotic combination of the two that has me off-kilter.

Truth be told, when I pray about it, I calm down. I figure God is using this as an attempt to get me to calm down and put my trust in him.

I’m faced with a situation where I have to have faith, or I’ll just go nutty worrying about possibilities or circumstances that may never come my way.

As certain friends can attest, I am a grand master of the “What if…” Game. I’ve used it to construct all kinds of entertaining impossible-to-solve-scenarios in my stories. And when I’m lucky, it’s often helped me find a way out of painted corners. I have found, however, that when I play out scenarios in my own life, things can get out of hand quickly.

I have no idea how many eulogies I’ve composed when people were late showing up. Another game I play to keep sharp is “List another rationale.” You take an action and after the obvious reason is given, such as a person is at a restaurant because they’re hungry, and try to list additional motivations: he’s meeting his long-lost twin, he’s a health inspector looking for a reason to close down the eating-joint, he’s an alien studying our strange earthling ways, or he walked in the wrong door intending to go to a psychiatrist but is too meek to walk out and go next door.

I’m constantly composing stories; even if only about 5% even make it to a keyboard or notebook.

When it comes to composing my own life, however, I’ll admit I need some help if I’m going to get by.

When contemplating what my final update from Sullivan would be, part of me wanted to end it with a moral that summarizes the best lesson I’d learned during Christmas vacation.

The other part of me realizes that I can’t find one thing to represent everything that has transpired or that I’ve experienced.

For once I’ll surrender to reality over fantasy, and throw out a few brief lessons learned (or re-learned):

Time spent catching up with an old friend is priceless.

God is the best therapist, counselor, and friend to get one through the rough times.

Pauly Shore’s career may have peaked with "Encino Man," but at least he was never on a “celebrity” reality show.

Note from 2005: Paul Montgomery Shore "stared in," for lack of a better term, in "Minding the Store," a faux-reality show in 2005.

When one mentions their website in a mass email they will get more signatures in their guestbook than emails in reply.

You can go “home” again, but you can’t expect it to feel the same.

Sometimes never looking back means never looking back.

When in doubt, pray. If you’re pretty sure, pray. Repeat as necessary.

Everyone has a good story to tell or a lesson to pass on if one just listens.

I hope there’s at least one thing everyone can take from reading all of this. Now if you will excuse me, I’m plan on taking advantage of my last chance to sleep in my old bed for a while.

I wish you all a good day.

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12:17 PM -

WAG - Today I saw the new Steven Spielberg/Tom Hanks/Leonardo DiCaprio flick, “Catch Me If You Can.”

As much as it almost pains me to admit it, there were good performances across the board.

Tom Hanks was good, Christopher Walken was great in is short supporting role, and Leonardo DiCaprio…

This isn’t fun to say…

For many males, it can be difficult to praise Leo. I blame this solely on the media machine designed to portray him as a major-league, grade-A, hunky superstar during his “Titanic phase.”

The period that lasted from 1996 up until the 2002 release of the movie "Gangs of New York." During this time, he was cast as a pretty boy stud-muffin who was to die for.

This kind of media coverage started the year before Titanic was released (coinciding with "William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet" [I’m personally always wary of remakes that have to tack the original writer’s name to the title to help the audience remember where it came from. Example: "Bram Stoker’s" Dracula. I rest my case]). Press coverage after the movie came out capitalized (as in tried to make even more money) on his Titanic-fame. This is easily displayed in the campaigns for the easily forgotten flicks "The Man in the Iron Mask" and "The Beach."

I will give him some credit in that at least he did a better job than Kate Winslet did; though that is only saying so much.

I don’t want to blame him personally for the way he was painted. I realize there’s only so much a celebrities can do to impact their image. Cosmetic surgery, allegations of substance abuse, or surprise weddings are all popular attempts at making a difference. Of course, it should be remembered that even in cases where all are used, the end result may still be unavoidable (see Michael Jackson).

Prior to his role as the beloved or be-loathed Jack (opinions often determined by the presence or absence of a Y chromosome), he recorded many critically praised performances in "The Basketball Diaries," "What’s Eating Gilbert Grape," and "The Quick and the Dead" (though his role in the last movie is now more praised due to the fact Gene Hackman offs him). I even have some recollections of when he played “Luke” on Growing Pains. He was good, and I will admit he still is good.

The major thing is tied to the hell that "Titanic" was for males. If one was dating, it was a must-see movie (and as proven by ticket sales, it was often a multiple-must see). One could take some refuge in the special effects - see "Propeller Guy," the elaborate staging, or Kate Winslet, but in the end, for many guys, the best part of the movie was when Jack, the human ice cube, finally went to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Personally, I cracked up at this “tragic” point (afterwards, I also admit, for a moment, based on the murderous looks momentarily directed at me, I thought I was going to become a final, belated Titanic victim).

It’s been my long personal opinion that the annoying aspects of the film outweighed the other aspects of the film. The experience of seeing the movie, and later being swamped by “Titanic-fever” and “Leo-mania” (both terms I can recall actually being used) turned me off to thinking of Leo as an actor. His next few movie choices, with roles relying more on his looks than his acting ability did little to change my opinion.

Now, I will admit that by going back to what he is good at, he’s regained part of my respect. With movies like Catch Me If You Can and Gangs of New York (a flick I haven’t seen, but was praised by friends I trust) I think Leo is back on track to a respectable career.

Though he will probably always be referenced as that “Titanic guy,” I wish him luck in finding roles that will challenge his talents and not insult his audience’s IQ.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go finish making my Celine Dion voodoo doll so I can get that stupid “My Heart Will Go On” song out of my head.

Have a good day.

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Saturday, January 11, 2003

10:49 PM -

WAG - No, I don’t have much right now, but in a pathetic attempt to maintain this unbroken chain of posts, I’m promising to post something soon.

For my friends who like to twist my words, no I’m not a “streaking” advocate; I just like consistency.

No, that doesn’t mean I fear change…

No, that doesn’t mean I embrace chaos…

No, that doesn’t make me anal-retentive…

Would you be quiet?

No, I’m not saying that just because I like to hear myself talk.

No, that doesn’t mean I’m also put off by the irritating screeching I make when I open my mouth.

No, I don’t take pleasure in the irritation.

No, I’m not a sadist!

No, I’m not purposely constructing double negatives to indicate secretly true denials.

Okay, that’s it! I’m posting before it turns midnight and the streak is broken.

No, don’t bring THAT up again!

This one way conversation brought to you by THEM: the people who won’t let you get away with the slightest slip of a tongue and still remind you of your mistakes years after they take place (you know THEM, and you know who you are).

I hate you all and I hope you all have a good day.

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Friday, January 10, 2003

10:02 PM -

WAG - The last Friday at home…

Yep, the end of Christmas vacation is near and I’ll soon be headed back to Columbia; with classes starting up shortly after that.

Today, to start getting back in the groove, I got up at 8:30 a.m. Yes, I realize that is not much of an accomplishment compared to most people (I’m mentioning disclaimer immediately because though I’d enjoy emails, I’d rather not be dumped on by people wishing to compare their schedules that easily trump mine), but for me, that’s not too bad.

I got up early to go and visit Sullivan High School, my alma matter (though they continue to deny it).

Each year that I go back, it gets a bit more awkward with each trip. The school and the people there become less familiar every time I return.

The first part is excusable, because a major overhaul of the high school was started the year after I graduated. Many teachers have been moved around, several new hall ways were created (courtyard areas originally designed in the building plans have now been converted into classrooms and corridors [let me tell you, there are few things that will make you feel like you’re in a Twilight Zone episode more than strolling down a familiar path and seeing 8 classrooms that didn’t used to be there), and the old three-building complex has been changed into one large, mazelike labyrinth.

It’s an entertaining situation where the Seniors are sometimes just as confused as the Freshmen when it comes to finding classes.

Anyway, I had a good time catching up with friends in the hallways and lunchroom as well as chat with (and often thank) favorite teachers. I’m always sure to catch up with my old english teachers (excepting my old journalism teacher who taught me more about negotiating tricky office politics than writing). It’s also common for me to catch up with my drama teacher, history teachers, a counselor or two, janitors, music teachers, and of course, the all-powerful secretaries.

I'll talk anyone familiar who has time.

My sister and I visited together (this was her second trip this vacation while it was the first time for me). This was good because she knew the new layout (and was able to answer such questions like: “Whose idea was it to move the choir room to the opposite side of the school?” “They put the counselors’ office in the old nurse’s office?” “Where the hell did THIS lobby come from?”).

One major thing that was felt was the age difference. I’m a Junior now and the age gap I sometimes feel when around college Freshmen can feel a bit more apparent in high school.

I think that’s due to the fact I know less people in the school with each graduating class. The people who were Freshmen my graduating year are now Juniors. I only know a few people in the lower classes.

I was always outgoing at SHS and dealing with people from all age groups, so it’s weird to see a plethora of strangers where I used to see only familiar faces.

(NOTE: “Plethora” was used for my friends in Honors English IV who tell me they appreciate my usage of Fye vocab words. I will continue to use them as long as I can remember them…

FURTHER NOTE: You should only keep looking for about another 5 weeks, 6 at most. With the semester I have ahead of me, I don’t give my brain much longer than that)

Once again, I come to the reluctant conclusion that I’m maturing, even if it’s only slowly.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to catch up with an old friend. Reminiscing isn’t too bad either, as long as it doesn’t keep one from moving forward.

If you want a punchline wrap-up, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

Have a good day.

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Thursday, January 09, 2003

8:18 PM -

WAG - And now, a review of reality programming starting with a very special “Why Won’t You Marry Me?” Ricki Lake episode.

What can be more real than daytime talk shows that discuss such relevant topics such as “My Dad Won’t Stop Hitting on My Dates,” “Makeovers for Former Convicts,” or “My Girlfriend is a Crack Hoe and So is Her Mother!”

Ricky Lake had a host of couples with commitment problems (it should be noted that it was always the males that were slow to propose).

My personal favorite couple was Shamieka and Conquest (don’t you just love imagining the wedding invitations). Conquest cited attitude conflicts as the reason they’d been living together for 7 years without a wedding.

My personal favorite excuse was along the lines of “Honey, I love you, but I can’t marry you until I divorce my current wife.”

Of course, thanks to the camera-filled world of reality television, we are then treated to the pleasure of having the current wife make a surprise appearance waving some papers calling, “I have some divorce papers I want you to sign”

And the crowd goes wild!

Follow this with a notary public to officialize the divorce and top it off with a marriage proposal and you have some quality entertainment!

Cameras in the courtroom also make for entertaining reality television (you may notice my standards of “entertainment” have lowered in this rant, but bear with me a bit farther).

I love the Judge Judy court cases that last 2 minutes or less. This are the disputes where the solution to the situation is totally clear cut to everyone in the courtroom but the idiot (or idiots) that often cling to a ridiculous excuse.

The shortest case I recall lasted about 30 seconds and ended when the defendant refused to remove his hat while in the courtroom. After being asked repeatedly to take off his hat, he said, “Let me explain why I’m not taking of my hat…”

This was promptly followed by Judge Judy’s dismissive “Goodbye!”

It’s priceless TV moments like this why Judge Judy’s contract was renewed for another 5 years to a tune of over $20 million.

In an environment cluttered with shows like The Amazing Race, Frontier House, and the like, it’s easy to miss of the longest airing reality shows ever: the nightly news.

I’ve found that these are the shows that present the hardest-to-believe realities.

Tonight, there was a person that was charged with impersonating a funeral home director for reasons currently unknown. The same man has already been convicted for impersonating an EMT, Police Officer, and a Fire Fighter.

Leonardo DiCaprio would be proud.

It was further reported that he’d committed this fraud while still on parole for the Police Officer impersonation.

What a constructive use of his time.

All this is on the same night that COPS is airing the “Top 15 Moments of all time” culled from the past 450 episodes. Also tonight it the premiere of “The Surreal Life,” a thinly veiled copy of MTV’s Real World life-in-front-of-the-video-camera format being reproduced with 7 B- (or more accurately C-) list “stars” (don’t blame me for the set of quotation marks. Even TV printed “starts” that way when describing the series). No offense meant to this classy show, but I only recognized 4 out of the 7 names (MC Hammer, known from “Can’t Touch This” fame; Emanuel Lewis, Webster; Corey Feldman, The Goonies, The Burbs, various drug charges; and Jerri, a one-time Survivor-survivor).

When these are the headliners, you feel sorry for poor fools with second billing (and don’t get me started about the “celebrities” of Celebrity Mole: Hawaii).

If you would have told me of the unholy terror that the original reality show like “Survivor” or “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” would eventually spawn, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Now that I’ve seen it, in this age of Joe Millionaires, Bachelorettes, Star Searches, and other contrived American Idols, I realize not having much time to watch TV in college isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

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Wednesday, January 08, 2003

1:53 AM -

WAG - There’s something that’s been eating at me all day. It will probably continue to do so for some time, but I’m going to turn to the old tried and true personal therapy of writing it out to help me deal with it.

Please bear with me as a go on an introspective journey (hard hats are not required, but are recommended, as are kneepads, elbow guards, and a dependable flashlight).

Today I did one of the toughest tasks I’ve had to do all vacation. It was something more difficult than smiling while downing less than tasty (but home-cooked) meals or helping my cousin with his Sponge Bob video game (doing the hard stuff as he tells me to hurry up).

I had to turn in a cell phone.

Doesn’t sound too bad? Let me tell you two brief backstories.

One, I loathe phones. For the longest time, I’ve had a hate-hate relationship with Bell’s cursed creation. The widespread use the cordless, and later, cellular phone has eased my discomfort somewhat, but if I had the choice, I’d go without it.

I realize that is impractical, unrealistic, and all but impossible. If I think of a phone as merely a glorified walkie-talkie I can handle it better, but I’d much rather talk to people in person or online than over a phone.

I personally think the phones in my house have it in for me, but that’s more paranoid thinking that I only take seriously when I’m running a high fever or have been spending a lot of times around paint fumes (one time when I was sick I had the suspicion my doorknob was plotting my death, but it never followed through).

Second, and more important, the cell phone I had belonged to my ex-girlfriend’s mother.

See, now my troubles are making more sense.

They got a new plan at the end of summer. She got some new phones for her family while I got her old phone. I would send a $17 check to cover the month and have my personal cellular phone (for the record, I’m the first one in my immediate family to have a cellular phone [my dad loathes phones more than I do, but that’s more due to the people who are able to bother him more thanks to that menace machine]).

We broke up about a month ago, but I had yet to return the phone. Part of the reason was the fact I wasn’t on the car insurance and couldn't go far. Part of it was laziness. Most of it was planned procrastination.

I figured that I’d put it off long enough and I was going to take care of it today (well, yesterday, but you know what I mean).

I proceeded to stall until 2:00 PM in the afternoon.

Finally, I gathered up the phone, charger, instruction manual (which I’d never consulted, but I had managed to spill Hi-C on), and a check for December’s bill and started the drive to Megan’s house.

I know that road better than I know the back of my hand (because, honestly speaking, I really don’t pay that much attention to it. Other than a scar from my first pocketknife [I sliced my finger across the knuckle 5 minutes within receiving it, but never told my parents because I thought they’d take my knife away] I couldn’t tell you much). I driven there countless times for dates, and over the summer, I covered them doing my job for the Conservation Department. As I drove, a lot of memories came up.

I won’t go into all of them. There was the turnout for the scenic view we sometimes hit. There was the corner where a deer once nearly ran us off the road (well, it put into motion actions that nearly resulted in that effect). There was the house I’d mistaken for Megan’s house the first time I went there (two log cabins in a quarter mile radius! Who knew the odds?).

I took the final curve and the turn onto her road the slowest. The relationship is over, but it still hurt a bit. It’s like when you break a vase. Even after your initial guilt, you still feel bad as you’re left to pick up the pieces (or scrambling to find the super glue and put it back together before your parents come home; whatever works).

Leaving the motor running, I put the Wal-Mart sack I used to keep everything together on the handle of the door. The only one disturbed by my presence was Demon, Megan’s Siberian Husky. I waved at the dog for the last time, got in the car, and pulled away.

On the way back, I rolled down the windows, cranked the music, and headed for home.

I stopped at Wal-Mart to buy the DVD of "Signs" (to help perk up my day and because I was a big fan of the movie in the first place). In the movie aisle, I caught up with a friend and had a good catch-up talk. I rounded out the trip by stopping by the gas station and grabbing a Post-Dispatch.

The day was overall good, even if I waited until the wee hours of the next day (not that I’m sure why I’m calling them “wee”) to write about it. I just had one rough responsibility to follow through.

Megan called briefly in the afternoon to ask why I’d returned the phone and I simply replied it was what needed to be done. Life is filled with many tasks to be performed; especially your life is a circus like mine.

Some tasks are avoided, some are accepted happily, and a few are even pursued. Nevertheless, at some point, we all need to work through them all.

Taking in the good, the bad, and the worse we hope to get to a better situation overall and pray we might even be smarter for the experience.

At least that’s what I tell myself.

Track me down in a couple years and I’ll tell you if it’s true.

Just be sure not to call me on the phone.

Note from 2005: It's true. Still don't call me on the phone, unless you have a good reason.

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Monday, January 06, 2003

9:37 PM -

WAG - Today I’m beginning this post before 11:00 PM in the hopes of getting it done in the same day I began it.

Starting time is 9:39 PM

The calm before the storm…

In one week’s time I’ll be back at Mizzou.

Part of that is comforting. Part of that is a bit depressing.

My personal definition of home, my personal impression of what home is for me, has always been somewhat jilted due to the number of moves I made when I was younger.

I’ve always reluctant to use the term “home.” I talk about “Going back to Sullivan,” “Catching back up with the family” and other euphemisms for returning “home.”

Thinking like this has sometimes led me to feel like an outsider, an alien, but that isn’t always bad.

It’s been said that the goal of everyone who goes to school in Sullivan has the goal to get out of the town. This is said only partially in jest (though some people never look beyond the local Wal-Mart, McDonalds, or packing plant).

Many will never escape, but I just knew that would never happen to me.

My parents added to this gut feeling early on. My mother often commented, with only a slight hint of sarcasm, that “Sullivan is a nice place. Don’t live here later in life.”

I know my parents have plans to move elsewhere later in life (and on two occasions since my graduation, nearly did so) and I know Sullivan doesn’t look like it will fit in my future.

Nevertheless, there is something a bit sad about leaving my family and heading back to school. I realize that I’ll only have opportunities like this for only a few more years.

Adults love to warn college kids that their days are limited and “THEY SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY CAN!”

You know the lecture.

Anyway I realize the last traces of the childhood/adolescence phase are coming to an end (many people retain characteristics of these phases, but the time for which they are still acceptable is coming to a close [more and more 30 year olds are living at home, but it’s not a desirable option]).

An exciting and frightening process.

Since my Senior year, I’ve often used the punchline: “Crap! We’re growing up!”

Soon it may be “Crap! We’re grown up!”

Note from 2005: I can still use that old line for a little bit longer.

I am looking forward to catching up with friends at MU. I’m a bit tired of being the only one up at 2:00 AM. Leftovers (which I never have in college) are becoming more and more trying. And it’s been weeks since I had a midnight snack at Waffle House.

I will be ready to go back to Columbia.

But in the meantime, I think I’ll hold on to the time I still have with my family for as long as I can.

At least for another week.

End time: 10:26 PM

Posting Time: Lord knows… recheck the line at the top.

I pray you all have a good day.

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12:40 AM -

WAG - 2003, what a year… I know it may be a bit premature being as a week has barely gone by, but I’ve already compiled a “Best of 2003 List!”

Here it is…

Best Newspaper: The Sullivan Independent
Yes, that weekly, faithful transcriber of the varied events of a small town wins this first category. Sure, I haven’t seen any other papers to compare it against, and I only skimmed the cover (I used to actually open it up, but since the movie theater in town closed down and there are no movie listings to check, there’s no reason to do that anymore), but it still earns my pick. That and I may end up begging for a job there over the summer so beginning to lay it on thick early couldn’t hurt.

Best Magazine: TV Guide
TV listings and articles about said listings: what could be a better combination. No offense meant to Entertainment Weekly (which came in a close second) or Time (a more distant third), but I find myself returning to this magazine on a daily basis. How many people are willing to pick up Time more than once or twice (if even that much)?

Best Book Read: TO BE DETERMINED AT A LATER DATE
I regret to say that with all the time spent in front of the computer and sleeping I’ve yet to finish a book this year. Maybe next week…

Best Website: Sluggy Freelance
On a lark, and because they were cheap, I picked up the first two years of the comic in book form. I’ve been hooked ever since. Though I’m still working my way through the wacky mythology (it tells the tales of a web designer and his crazy, hilarious adventures among vampires, demons, aliens, and his switchblade wielding rabbit bun-bun [he can fit in the palm of your hand but to check this one may have to sacrifice said hand]). It’s wacky, irreverent humor cracks me up and ranks up with such killer webcomics like Real Life Comics and Schlock Mercenary

Best TV Show: Um…let me think… Maybe I should have rethought the timing of the “Best of List,” or at least waited until I did a bit more. Well...I’m gonna go with Enterprise… No! Andy Richter Controls the Universe… No! There was a good Just Shoot Me rerun… No! I’m going with the NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw.
Call me a news junky, call me a person who’s too busy to actually watch the news when in college, but I like sitting down for the national news over vacation. My dad has a thing about CBS’s Dan Rather and I usually only watch ABC news in the morning.

Best Movie: Back to the Future Part III

This is the closing chapter of one of the best trilogies of all time. It’s a killer sequel that incorporates classic themes from the original along with creative variations and plot twists. The final chapter, where Marty McFly goes back in time to rescue Doc Brown from meeting an untimely death in 1885 is funny, entertaining, and acts as a fitting capstone to the series.

Second Best Movie: Back to the Future: Part 1

What did you expect? Instead of repeating praises of the series I’ll just move on to…

Best Movie of the Year other than an entry in the Back to the Future Franchise (Skipping over Back to the Future Part II and In Lieu of 4th Best Movie of the Year): Wag the Dog

This political satire, seemingly meant to mock the Clinton Presidency, was based on a novel that joked the Persian Gulf War was staged merely to boost George Bush 1.0’s Presidency. It’s reflection on manipulating human nature, politics, and the mass media proved to be prophetic as time went on (I even remember a press conference where the movie was mentioned by a reporter who drew parallels). I think the observations made are timeless, poignant, and hilarious.

Best Toothpaste: Colgate – Mint Flavored, Blue Classic
Call me old fashioned, but even in the 21st century it’s nice to be able to hold on to products one has used for over a decade. It may not be as simple as it once was (now there’s choices to be made between mint with teeth-whitening, baking soda, extra fluoride, or classic with long-lasting or quick-acting formulas and rainbow of colors to choose from), but it’s always been with me. Since my first toothbrush (shaped like an alligator) to my current toothbrush (shaped like a toothbrush) Colgate is still number one for me.

I think that covers everything for now. I may have to revise things as 2003 progresses, but for now, at least the best post of January 6, 2003.

Thus far, of course…

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Saturday, January 04, 2003

2:35 AM -

WAG - It’s late…

Me tired…

But me also happy…

This afternoon I bought the special edition 3-disc "Back to the Future" collection.

I just finished watching the three movies in a row.

Some people I know are Harry Potter Heads. I know others who are hard-core hobbit headcases. There are Jedi-Knights in training and a handful of die-hard Trekies out there.

For me, I always was a major fan of the wacky, smart, and funny time-traveling trilogy.

To each their own.

Now if you will excuse me, the sun is coming up in just a few hours and I need to drag myself off the couch and to my waiting bed.

Vegas odds 2 to 3 I’ll make it.

Time will tell…

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Friday, January 03, 2003

11:00 AM -

WAG - Ah, the second day of the year and things are still going good.

And the streak continues!

Today has been an interesting day.

Many milestones were reached today.

Let me share them with you…

First, I saw the first graphic that said "DECISION 2004."

There it is. It's official. Coverage for the next presidential election is all go; and once it starts, it's a monster that can never be stopped (ballot chads have been known to slow them, as well as lawyers, incompetent voters, and the population of Florida, but the creature still lurches forward continuing to wreck an ugly rampage).

I've heard people debate the next election. I've seen articles making projections. I've seen stories about candidates. Nevertheless, today was the first day where I saw a specially crafted news graphic appear in a broadcast.

NBC imposed the "Decision 2004" decal behind Tom Brokaw when talking about the newest candidate for the Democratic ticket (I'd mention the guy's name, but anyone would be interested has probably heard about it already and feeding the other readers an undesired fact would not be well received [I'll save those for later in this rant] and will not be placed in here. That and I forgot the name already. Edward something; or something Edwards. Oh well…).

Today also contained the first report card of the year.

Well, screen where my grades were on the screen. MU, in an attempt to cut costs, doesn't sent grades out in the mail (which is a godsend for some and troublesome for others). Today I finally decided to brave the diabolical online database known as STARMU (it's much more ominous than it sounds). It's a finicky program that can be tricky to negotiate at times and is only accessible during certain hours that rarely correspond with the average college student's circadian rhythms (let's just say it's a bit hard to check your grades at 3:00 AM in the morning).

Anyway, I discovered my grades, despite all my efforts to the contrary, went up a decimal point. Actually, I went up my GPA went up by .101. Not bad if I say so myself.

Now to work on the other side of the decimal point.

Another milestone was receiving the first Christmas presents of the year. This evening, my family finally exchanged Christmas presents.

One might say we're a bit late (especially considering we've been home since New Year's Eve).

On the other hand, you could also deem us to be early and getting ahead of next year's rush.

Let me explain…

Usually my immediate family passes out gifts the night before we split for Christmas vacation (historically to my Grandmother's Iowa abode). Since I was barely in Sullivan 18 hours before heading up to the frozen north, we didn't get around to it. My mother decided to leave them at the house.

After several days in Iowa, followed by a stop over in Kansas City to see the other half of the family, we finally returned to Sullivan. After a long night drive, we simply unloaded the car and plopped in a DVD (I think there's something creepy about watching Dick Clark celebrate New Year's every year never aging even as his co-hosts and performers do so. I swear that undead vampire must have an unholy deal with the devil, or something).

New Years arrived in the middle of the chariot chase scene in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum." Then everybody went to bed (except me, who went to the internet for a few hours).

Needless to say, no gifts were exchanged.

The next day, between sleeping in late, bowl games, and unpacking bags, we just forgot. After my Dad had gone to bed, my Mom remarked that we'd forgotten presents again. My sister and I shrugged in response and returned to the TV.

Finally, we got to it this evening. We were sure to fit it in before Orange Bowl (Iowa versus South Cal U [my Grandma, being a long time Hawkeyes fan, as well as working for Iowa University for many years, was attending it with alumni friends]). The idea was to get the gifts taken care of quickly and then watch the Hawkeyes triumph over the Trojans. We did our part. Unfortunately the Iowan offense… BAD MIZZOU FLASHBACKS - PAIN! SUFFERING! MUST BLOCK OUT UGLY IMAGES!

Anyway…

Gifts were good, sharing was nice, and the look on my Mom's face as my Dad tossed my sister a gift (which was a glass plate) was priceless.

Yep, January 2, 2003 wasn't bad at all.

Now time for the ever-present challenge: Let's see what tomorrow will bring.

On your mark… Get set…

Have a good day everyone.

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Wednesday, January 01, 2003

12:41 AM -

WAG - 2003... Feels the same...

Let's see...

The bathroom's bobbytrapped, the neighborhood kids sound like they're setting off fireworks before they go out looting, and I'm spending another New Year's one the computer.

Nothing new here.

Maybe in the morning.

Happy New Year everybody!

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