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Live Paradox

A journeyman’s ramblings: He is no everyman, but one who turns a carefully focused eye on the events of the madcap world around him. He aims to point out what others miss and draw attention to the patterns that exist amongst the chaos. 

Thursday, October 31, 2002

11:09 AM -

WAG - It's almost Halloween and the freaks are gearing up here at Mizzou.

It's been a pretty common occurence for strangely garbed college students to appear in the dorms showing of their intended costumes (I would know, I've done it myself).

Supermen, cheerleaders and killer ninja assasins have all passed through the dorms halls.

And don't even get me started on cross dressing...

Well maybe a little...

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is being shown on campus by the Girls Rugby Team, again (they brag about combining cross-dressing with fund-raising on their website. This is the same group that held Prom Rugby last week: a rugby match were members were wore Prom Dresses over their jerseys. Over the match, they slowly deteriorated and or fell to tattered shreds on the field. They also talked the ref into wearing a tuxedo top, soccer shorts, and pink socks pulled up to his knees. This is a classy bunch).

Anyway, it ought to be a hoot.

Tomorrow - pausing to reconsult watch - I mean today, Hatch is also hosting trick-or-treaters on all 8 floors. This is good because it provides a safe alternative to street trick-or-treating on a cold Thursday night and it cuts down on TP attacks (well, maybe OUTSIDE the dorm...).

I just got from a Wal-Mart run picking up candy and gigantic spider webs. I also passed by the DVD section and picked up "Good Morning Vietnam" and "Roxanne," so I'm happy, albeit a mite poorer for the experience.

I should go to bed now. It's getting late and I won't be sleeping much tomorrow night with the midnight madness I'm going to, so I'll just leave you with a random quote from the movie Roxanne, starring Steve Martin:

C. D. Bales: I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream - and I hope you don't find this too crazy - is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, "Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!" That would be bad.

- Goodnight Folks!

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Tuesday, October 29, 2002

12:43 PM -

WAG - Still wresting with the ellusive floating title. I don't know whether it's Blogger or MU's slooow internet connection, but my site no longer instantly updates, so without instant feed back, it's a lot of hit and miss positioning with a long break in between the times I can see whether or not I hit the mark.

It's like William Tell taking shots at his son... while blindfolded.

If I was him, I would have gone through a couple sons by now, but hey, it's not like they didn't already have a high mortality rate back then anyway.

I'd better end this entry before this gets any more morbid...

Did you hear the one about... nope... stopping before I even start.

Bye.

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Sunday, October 27, 2002

9:00 PM -

WAG - Before my comments page is flooded, let me inform everyone as calmly as I can: YES I KNOW THE TITLE IS SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ADS AND THE SUBTITLE.

Being as my HTML experience is for all practical purposes non-existent, please bear with me as I attempt to wrestle some control of my website back from the beast that is the internet.

The odds aren't good (The Internet is favored 3:2 according to the fictional site www.buncho'fodds.com). Hopefully I can pull of an upset and make this site respectable looking (or at least tolerable).

A wise man once said if you shoot for the moon and miss, you'll at least land amongst the stars.

I may not be there yet (If you listen closely enough, you can hear the THWACKING sound of the site not quite clearing the tree line), but as in most things in life, this is a work in progress.

We now return you to your regullary scheduled life, you guessed it, already in progress.

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6:16 PM -

WAG - Trying some new things with the template and page format.

Don't panic if things aren't familar and you're in the wrong place. Here are some tips if you think you're lost in cyberspace:

Look around for familiar landmarks. Mentally retrace your steps to see how you arrived here. Look for any signposts or details that may reveal your location. When in doubt, contact a police officer, or maybe webmaster, who should be able to help you find where you are.

Or worst case scenario, hit reboot and see where the server takes you.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat.

May this guide be of some good use to you, or if not good, only minor evil.

I don't know how to wrap up this little rant so I'll complete this train of thought, put a period at the end, and call it good.

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Saturday, October 26, 2002

5:46 AM -

WAG - Due to some glitch, several items were posted, but not published. Don't think me an idiot just because some of the dates in the entries don't match up with the dates posted (there are several other legitimate reasons to think me an idiot anyway, so you may as well find a genuine one).

If you will excuse me, I have a slug of homecoming events to attend (all of them requiring me to wear a sequined band uniform). Joy.

My public wants me; I must appease them.

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Friday, October 25, 2002

9:49 PM -

WAG - I just checked my poor British excuse for a guestbook (I'm not complaining I'm stating a fact. It IS a poor British excuse for a guestbook, but it's free so I don't mind) and got some interesting news.

I got a note from my good friend Erin Eaton. She still claims to know me despite my numerous character flaws that often prompt cases of amnesia in many acquaintances I have known (Caleb? Caleb Smith? Caleb Michael Smith who used to live near the Middle School? In that blue house with all the boats next to it? Never heard of him!).

Rambling inside reference to Sullivanites beside, Erin informed me she'd added a link to my site in her "Favorite Blogs" section.

Thanks Erin, and may the Lord have mercy.

If you are a new visitor to the site, please ignore the poor, rudimentary site design. Excuse the rambling discords or rantings of seemingly crazed mind. Instead, try to focus on something that doesn't appear the results of a deseased individual like....like...um...check out the choice in font and background colors. Yes!

Truth be told, there's not much sanity here.

Oh well.

If Craziness is your cup of tea, try the Mad Hatter's endorsed blend of The World According to Gap.

If that isn't your taste, may I recomend something else like www.Boring.com There you'll find a darling little website for the Boring Business Systems company. Boasting innovative solutions since 1924, President Dean Boring invites you to learn about Boring Services, check out Boring Office Supplies, peruse Boring Careers, and read Boring Testimonials. If you have any additional Boring Questions, you can contact him personally at dboring@boring.com.

Yes the site is real, and you may be surpirsed about what Boring facts you can learn.

I dare you.

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9:24 PM -

WAG - It be many moons since I last published.

Well, a week.

Life as a journalism student at the University of Missouri is rarely boring, or uneventful. In fact occasionally one finds themselves wishing there weren't so many events. Still, this week has been eventful. I have gotten kudos from a Professor on the article I wrote last Friday, I made the Spirit band for MU's Women's Basketball team,I attended the U.S. Senate Debate in Columbia College, I bought a pink dress for my roomate, I shook the hand of Jean Carnahan, and most importantly, I got paid this week.

Life has been good.

I promise I will recount some of my impressions and observations of the debate, and believe me I have lots of details I'd like to mention that were never mentioned in C-Span's coverage of the event. First, however, I'd like to take some time to dwell on a thought prompted by the debate: The Good Ol' Days.

Things ALWAYS were better in the past. When comparing generations or decades, it often is the firm belief of the elder in the coversation that THEY had it better. The music, clothing styles, kids, neighborhoods, or people in general were always better "in my day."

I've heard the statement made that children are more stressed today than they were in the past. My first inclination is to trust this statement, but as I think about it, I find myself hesistating.

Let's compare the children born in 2002 and 1952.

I'll cut to the chase. Children in 2002 have memories of September 11. They may not understand what they see, and some parents my shield them from some of the more gruesome images, but they have been exposed to it. They can feel the fear some people have around them. Many wonder if America will be attacked again by foreign forces.

Children in 1952 also worry about attack from a evil foreign empire: the USSR.

At this time, children were hearing about the "Red Scare." For two years Senator Joe McCarthy was warning of the dangers of subversive Communists lurking in our midst.

Can we say "Worry about sleeper cells?"

Fifty years ago, American troops were attempting to combat a very familiar "axis of evil" on foriegn soil too. In 1952, American soldiers were locked in a virtual standoff in the Korean War. Since President Eisenhower deployed troops to the area June 27, 1950, a coalition of forces (many part of a newly formed UN) had made little progress in pushing into China-supported North Korea. No declaration of war was made, yet soldiers were still at work trying to save a nation from oppression.

Farther away from Capitol or Bunker hill, children were still being expossed to frequent reminders of the dangers of the world. Can you imagine how children must have felt doing Nuclear Attack drills. Granted, their understanding may also be limited (and no offense, I don't believe diving beneath your desk is going to do a world of good against an atomic fireball), but fears wouldn't be unfounded.

The names of the players may have changed and loyalties are occasionally swapped, but it seems not much has changed in 50 years. Violence and sex in the media are on the rise, yes, but that is countered by the continued desenatization of the masses. If you don't believe me, check out a horror flick from the "Golden Age" of Hollywood and try to stay awake. There may be more scary things out there, but it's an unfortunate truth that it take more to scare people, especially children.

A child from 1952 may have difficulty adjusting to the 21st century, but children who lived through the OJ Simpson Trial, the Okalahoma City Bombing, and the dreaded Y2K bug may not be as stressed as some people think.

Please excuse me now. There's a "I Love Lucy Marathon" on.

I wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to escape into the Good Old Days for a few hours; even if the reality is never as good as the recollection.

TV calling, I must go...

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Friday, October 18, 2002

10:54 PM -

WAG - I got my article done and I even had some spare time.

Oh yeah!

Me need sleep now...

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7:08 AM -

WAG - There won't be a major post today due to the dual reasons of ONE) I have a major assignment in Journalism 306 where I'm suppossed to cover an event that starts at 7 PM and have the article turned in by midnight and TWO) Assasin John Deprisco (who has made seven serious kills attempts now forcing me to score three counter shots to remain alive) is going home this weekend and is determined to scratch my name of his list before I leave.

As you can guess, I'm not going to make it easy for him.

Have a good day. This is me going incomunicado...

Bye-Bye...

Note from 2005: I spent half the afternoon hanging out in the engineering building before heading to the event I was covering. Sad, really, but effective.

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Wednesday, October 16, 2002

9:10 PM -

WAG - I just survived an assasination attempt, and boy am I tired.

This isn't a hyperbole. I'm serious!

Let me explain...

In order to promote a "better sense of community" in the Hatch Honors Floors, a "friendly" game was instituted: Assasins.

Everyone is given a slip of a paper and a murder weapon (a green sheet of paper to be folded into an airplane) and told "Have at it boys."

I was out of the dorm most of the day due to an shooting Man-On-The-Spot Scenes for JC Rocks, a late afternoon Ethics Lecture, and Church. I arrived back in Hatch in the middle of a battle zone.

An unofficial war has broken out between 5th and 6th (to see which floor is wiped out first). Little did I know the 6th floor girl with my name had already been axed by the guy who lives two doors down from me.

You can imagine what happened next...

He snuck up behind me and "fired". He scored a potential "mortal" wound (the death shot must be a head shot) that would have counted if I didn't hit him with the same paper airplane within so many seconds.

Little did he know that my working with church kids has kept me in good shape when it comes to sprints. In Sprint #13, or something, I redeemed my life.

I am tired, frantic, and extremely paranoid. Any one who has seen me right after I've read a conspiracy theory book, or when I'm in some other neurotic state know have an idea how freaky I'm acting.

It may not have been so bad if John hadn't tried two more attempts since the first. I spotted him from 10 meters away sixth floor, where I'd sought refuge, on the second attempt. On the third, a large "Death Squad" came up from 5th floor (you know, safety in numbers). Knowing who may killer was, I let the majority of the crowd slip past me. Then I saw John's evil grin just a few feet away.

The following memories is a blur of me darting through about a dozen people, from my own floor, sprinting the length of the hallway, and doing a kick/plant/turn to see if I'd killed anyone myself in my escape attempt.

No injuries...It's all cool.

My question is HOW IS THIS SUPPOSSED TO BE A FREAKIN' SOCIAL ACTIVITY? I think the Romans were less barbaric when they fed slaves to the tigers. At least you'd know who was for you and who's against you. In Assasins, you don't have that luxury.

If a stranger appears on the floor, everyone notices. The cop-outs were not up for this kind of psychological warfare have already forfeited and taken their paper bullet.

In a way, I envy them, but it's never been in my nature to give up (even when I should). I told my roomate it's the perfect example of "Fight or Flight." If this was a team competition, I'd be on the front lines, but since this is Man vs. the world, I'm aiming to be a survivor, not a warrior.

It's gonna be a fun weekend.

Excuse me now. I need to finish tying all the bed sheets together for my cloth escape ladder. For those of you who don't remember details like this: I live on the 5th floor...

It's gonna be a long night...

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Sunday, October 13, 2002

11:05 PM -

WAG - Okay, there seems to have been some questions about the title.

When I say "Gap," it's not JUST a play on TS Garp from the Irving novel, it's alto mocking Gap the retail store.

We live in a "modern" society not quite envisioned by many futurists.

We were supposed to have peace, unity, and utopia.

We have chaos, craziness, and capitalism (I'm not bashing capitalism here, I'm just saying it's not what some writers had in mind).

It's a nutty commercial society. Television advertising takes up more time each year, sporting events have long lines of corporate sponsors waiting to tie in their participation with their PR (Johnson's Cottage Cheese: The OFFICIAL Curd-Based Dairy Product of the 2004 Olympic Games), and one can't walk to class without being assaulted by some kind of media.

Sometimes this is good. Sometimes this is bad, but it's always ever-present.

The World According to Gap is meant to comment upon all facets of the "modern" world I come into contact, be it the book I'm reading one week or the wacky people dancing on the television trying to convince me to buy their pants.

I apologize I was only able to work in two jokes into the title. I'll work harder on that in the future.

Apologies also go out to anyone who happens to tune into my website when I'm making changes. One minute the letters are black, then they're blue, then green. Script appears and disappears out of nowhere (though now there is a Comments Page at the bottom of the screen). All that shifting can put a person on their guard without reason.

Not that a little paranoia ever hurt anyone.

Just remember to draw the line before you find yourself wearing a aluminum foil hat.

Earth metals don't stop the alien mind scanners anyway... Goodnight folks!

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8:36 PM -

WAG - The Existence is Now Known

I just sent out the first email annoucing this site's existence.

It has begun....

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8:25 PM -

WAG - I said I wanted to put together at least 5 entries before I mass emailed this site to friends and let the sunlight expose my work.

Well, here I am and I'm not sure what to put here. I'm torn between recounting the wacky tales from my weekend (and the abuse I and others suffered at the hands of the St. Louis Rams Association [and how we dealt some back]) and explaining the meaning of the title.

Please bear with me as I toss a coin....Tails! Crap, I forgot to designate what Tails meant. One moment.... Heads!

So the title is "The World According to Gap." It's a play on the title of John Irving's book "The World According to Garp." It was about the adventures of an aspiring writer and the wacky events he got into. Though I wouldn't recommend the book to everyone, I always thought it was filled with colorful characters and had a killer title.

I'm also an aspiring writer who can't seem to escape the craziness of the world around me (though I don't try too hard).

Dreamers have long made predictions of what the 21st century would be like. It was thought that androids, transporters, and Moon-Shuttles would be part of the daily routine. Much to the chagrin of people like Jules Verne or H.G. Wells, if they were still alive today, the vision of solar system colonization and replicators has yet to be realized.

We do have malls however.

I find myself trapped in what must be one of the craziest, most nutty periods in history. I believe the 21st century must be one of the easiest eras to mock, ridicule, or just plain laugh at.

Just consider this a collection of rants, observations, and non sequiturs from a wanna-be writer trapped in the 21st century: The World According to Gap.

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Friday, October 11, 2002

8:52 PM -

WAG - It's the Friday night before the Marching Mizzou trip to St. Louis (probably the last trip the band will take depending on the Football team's record...think about it...no offense, but as I said, probably the last trip we'll take).

I was planning on adding a medium lenth diatrade, but have been invited to go to a late night birthday party for a friend. I also have packed for the previously mentioned trip. Guess what's going to get sacrificed (I mean besides sleep). Bingo!

Bye-Bye

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Thursday, October 10, 2002

7:55 AM -

WAG - It be Thursday... It's been a long week filled with many ups and down (and lets not forget those wacky loop-de-loops). I've been accepted to the University of Missouri's Journalism School. As long as I keep my grades up, and pass Journlism 105 with a good score, I have a semester guaranteed.

Boy that seems so simple on paper.

Actually, it shouldn't be too hard as long as I keep my nose to the grindstone (not that I've ever figured out how that is supposed to help someone other than sand down one's honker), it should all turn out.

Now all I have to do is talk my legs into getting up from the chair and going to class...

Com'on boys! Please?

This is going to take some time. Have a good day folks!

Pretty please... Lefty? Righty....?

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Monday, October 07, 2002

9:35 PM -

WAG - Alright. If my eyes don't deceive, and Lord knows they do all the time, I believe the Internet has decided to let my creation live...for know.

It will probably end up like a scene out of Mary Shelly's "Frankenstein" when the villagers like the friendly doctor, but are a little worried about his habit of raiding the local cemetary and the fixation on "giving life to previously dead things." In the end, they decide enough is enough and storm the place with pitchforks and torches.

This being the 21st century, the rioters will be armed with their handguns of choice and lighters.

My goal is to make it to Friday villager free. The odds are against me, but that's normal. I live in a college dorm, I'm used to that.

The trick is knowing when is the right time to leave town.

Uh oh... I think I hear the cries of an violent, enraged mob... Or maybe the guy accoss the hall just popped in a new rap CD.... Either way, I should sign off, just to be safe....

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9:12 PM -

WAG - Hello. This will be my second attempt at a blog site. I first started one at the close of my first semester in college right before I took my last final (yes, I know I should have been studying, but I got an A anyway). Due to reasons unknown by me, or possibly repressed, the internet ate my blog.

Being too upset to try again, and the fact I had a test to take, I never resumed that blog.
Once again, however, I am making the attempt to set the story straight, or at least get my view of the world out (and yes I am doing this instead of homework). With the trouble I have finding time to crank out a long, rambling email (because I so rarely update people, I always seem to go long when I do), and wanting to hone what I perceive to be my writing "skills," here's a second attempt.

As I cringe before I press the PUBLISH button, may this be a good start to a better form of keeping in touch with people and may a nasty Mongolian curse descend upon Blogger if it consumes my creation again.

Here goes something...

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Tuesday, October 01, 2002

1:30 PM -

Note from the canonical readjustment:

This is the first entry for this blog. It was made on Tuesday, June 07, 2005 (despite what it may say elsewhere).

One of the reasons why this site was created was to signal a new chapter was starting. I don’t want to lose touch with the past, however, so I have reintroduced past entries and backlogged them so they appear with their original same time and date stamp.

While I like having all my online posts gathered at one site, I wanted to make a distinction between the two halves. I am altering the time of this single post to let those who look know that it is the first Live Paradox post.

I’d didn’t want the genesis post and the subsequent mission statement to get lost in the mix, which is why links have been provided.

Also, as a rule of thumb, you should remember know “World According to Gap” are posted with a “WAG” header between October 2002 and March 2005 (with two epilogue posts appearing in June).

We know return you to the original website, already in progress…

LP - Re-enter alpha


Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end…

So here we find something that is familiar but somehow new and previously unknown.

Saddle up. We're aiming to strike out for the unexplored territories, again.

Frontier ho!

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