- I pick this music because it always comes to me when I’m in crowded airports due to the powerful images of the music video
From the notebook of Caleb Michael Smith, Esquire: Recorded over the course of multiple flights and stopovers on Dec. 12, 2005, with some polish and supplementation after the fact.
On the drive to Kansas City International Airport, my grandfather asked me if I was nervous about flying. I paused for a moment to consider the question and then truthfully replied, out of all my concerns, flying was towards the bottom of the list.
I’ve flown many times to many destinations. I’ve been on planes of different sizes ranging from a jumbo jet that carries hundreds to a small little prop job with barely enough room for four, and that’s counting the pilot. I’ve flown commercial, charter, and freelance.
Of course, I’m making my first flight since I started watching ABC’s “Lost.” Upon receiving my flight information, and learning I was in seat 21F, I thought to myself, “Crap! I’m a freakin’ tailie! If we crash, I’m going to be on the crappy side of the island.”
Note: Notice how I did not fully take into account the lack of large bodies of water between Missouri and Wyoming. In my defense, however, considering how wacky and improbable things get on that show, I believe I was justified in thinking it was still somehow an option.
Looking at an assignment on a piece of paper is one thing, but walking to the back of the plane and seeing there was only one row of seats behind me is still a humbling experience. Of course, since I got placed next to the window and the seat next to me was left vacant, things weren’t all bad.
Upon taking off, I was quickly reminded that some things are easy to forget until you get up in the air. When walking around on the ground, people primarily think two-dimensionally. When you add some altitude to your perspective, the third dimension is more discernable. I’d forgotten how clouds look more defined when viewed from the side or from above. Also, no matter how grey, dismay, and dreary it may be on the ground, you can always fin plenty of sunshine if you go up high enough.
I normally try not to spend much time gawking out the window, but this is the first time I’ve flown in winter. With the scenery being ice and snow-tinged, there’s more character to observe down below. In addition to that, I’ve never really flown over mountains before. In multiple trips to Florida or to the Southwest, I’ve seen many forests, swamps, and deserts, but I hadn’t previously gotten to look at noteworthy rocky terrain. I hate looking like a tourist, with my eyes glued out the window, but with a view like this, it’s worth it.
Flashing back a bit, security measures have never really bothered me, though they currently remain on my mind. I may have passed through the scans and x-rays okay, but the two guys ahead of me were pulled out for “random” extra screenings. I’m not going to allege racial profiling, but I would wager that the color of their skin and the foreign language they spoke probably factored into the selection equation.
I felt a bit weird as I walked by those who were temporarily delayed. When I was waved on through after my luggage, they guy who was in front of me also started forward until he was quickly and firmly told that he needed to stay “on the mat” for a little longer.
I remain conscious of this because the guy and his friend boarded, belatedly, and sat down in the row behind me across the aisle. They talked animatedly through the first half of the flight and laughed quite a bit, so I guess they weren’t too put out by the experience. Nonetheless, while one hears about these things happening, it’s still weird to see it happen in front of you.
I really only have two complaints about the flight (other than the quality of peanuts, but that’s such a standard concern that it barely seems noteworthy). One, the change in cabin pressure has wrecked havoc on my ink pens; especially the red, liquid magazine roller track pen I formerly clutched in my hand.
I think it burst when I was momentarily paused, reconsidering a phrase. When I looked back down I saw a small drop of ink on the page. When I stopped to further consider this, I realized my fingers were movie blood red.
I would like to hope an ink-stained applicant for a copyediting position might gain more points in the presentation, but I still scrubbed on my fingers the best I could with tissues and saliva.
In recording this, I’m currently employing a fine point, felt tipped blue marker. It isn’t my typical writing implement, but it has the benefit of not bleeding all over me.
My other complaint is directed at the in-flight music player. This is the system designed to please music lovers who hate being separated from their CDs when the planes take off and land. The stated concern is that extra electronic interference might jam communications from the tower.
Tower: “You’re coming in steady, Flight #192, on a standard vector. The one thing you need to keep in mind is…”
- Static fills the channel for a moment before another voice cuts through the crackling.
Christina Aguilera: “It’s about time that I came to start the party. Sweat drippin’ over my body. Dancin’ gettin’ just a little naughty. Wanna get dirty.”
- Fireballs fill the runway for a moment as a plane tears through the tarmac.
I understand the rationale for the system. I also understand the selections are slim compared to the average audiophile’s library (these are the people who, upon hearing that music companies were aiming lawsuits at people who had downloaded 1,000 songs or more, argued that the bar should be set much higher because that’s only a beginning of a proper music collection). However, if an airline is going to offer a channel, I would expect it to function properly.
I normally skip Radio Disney when I’m driving around out of principle. When I’m high in the skies, and dealing with only a handful of options, however, I’m more apt to sample everything at least once.
I was surprised to land in the middle of a rotation of “Music Inspired by The Chronicles of Narnia – The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” I’m a fan of many of the artists included and was willing to give the Disney owned tracks some extra attention.
However, it quickly became apparent that something wasn’t right with the plane’s playback system. There would be stretches of smooth playing interspaced by longer periods of garbled, note warping interference (like someone was twisting the tuner by never fully homing in on the station). As time went on, the smooth sections got shorter and the strained sections got longer. Then, the clear sections started to jump back on themselves and only advance the music a few seconds. It only got worse as time went on.
Being stubborn, I stuck with the station longer than I should have. Thanks to that, I heard the chorus to “Turkish Delight” about 20 time before I gave up.
By that time, Gwen Stefani was done singing about hollering back girls on the pop channel, and the latest Sheryl Crow CD was being featured. While I would still turn back to see what was on the other channels, I largely stayed here for the rest of the flight.
My notes keep going, but this seems like a good place to break up the narrative. More plain plane notes to come tomorrow.
