So… It’s been a crazy week. I’m going to start telling full stories Monday. I’m tired, hungry, and have less than an hour before the library closes, so I know I’m not going to get everything in today.
The highlights include:
-- Working at the night editor, successfully, when my supervisor took some well deserved comp time, leaving me the end-all, say-all editor designer Monday night.
-- Hearing about, touring, and landing an apartment. It has two bedrooms (one of which I will eventually convert into a guest study/guest bedroom for all the people who have promised to visit), a living room, a kitchen, a nice bathroom, and storage/the uncarpeted portion of the basement. I’ve met my upstairs neighbor, who moved in on the same day I did, and the person seems to be nice.
-- This is closely related to the previous point, but it was getting long so I split stuff up: I have a friend who has just put his house on the market, which should go fast, and I have inherited some of his furnishing. I am told I will probably end up with more, maybe even coming home from work to find my items dropped off. When my friend told his wife about me joking about it being like Christmas, she said yeah, Christmas at the orphanage. But Virginia and I agree, it’s a Christmas nonetheless.
-- I’ve paid another phone bill. Not as noteworthy as the other items, but still, an accomplishment nonetheless.
So that’s it for now. Regular communiqués should resume on Monday without a foreseeable interruption… until mid-May that is. That’s when I have some trips coming up, but that’s another story.
For now, let me offer some samplings from my notebooks. It’s been a while, and I know some people who are going through withdrawal. Since I’m over a month behind anyway, stalling another week won’t help.
To those of you who recognize the gap, I apologize for the delay. For the rest of you who weren’t directly involved in these conversations, enjoy.
From the Notebook: No Rhyme or Reason... But pleanty of Absurd Logic
It’s a dirty Job, but someone’s got to know it:
“Didn’t his wife turn into a pillar of salt?”
“That was Lot.”
“Thank you for playing ‘People of the Bible with Three-Letter Names.’ Next up, Eve!”
“You have nice penmanship.”
“He never says that about any of my notes, so he must mean it.”
“Yeah… What is this? ‘Stork, stork, pyramid?’”
“Share you feelings over there. We don’t like feelings over here.”
Another shakes his head in agreement.
Some items in care packages don’t make the trip so well:
“Gummy Lifesavers are not supposed to be harder than regular Lifesavers.”
Commonly-heard conversation trump card:
“Oh yeah? Obviously, you’ve never ridden in a monster truck.”
On the movie, “The Ghost and the Darkness” –
“It’s based on a true story.”
“There are no demon lions in a true story.”
…
“You say horses eat people. Lions actually eat people.”
“If horses can be evil, lions can be more evil.”
A pickup line to use at Red Cross Cancer benefit:
“Hey! I’m against cancer, too. We have something in common.”
“If I was in Amanda’s position [as a page setter], I would subtlety alter the puzzles to make them insolvable.”
“This is why we do not grant you such responsibility.”
“That would be hilarious.”
“You have been tested and found wanting.”
Reading a story about a wedding at Yankee Stadium:
“‘Blind baseball reporter gets married at home plate…’ or so we told him.”
About an impersonators press release:
“Oh. I didn’t realize ‘Elvii’ was the plural of Elvis.”
“It’s going to be a long week.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s a good thing I stocked up on beef jerky and circus peanuts… Why did I say that?”
Point-counter point:
What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? ‘Where’s my tractor?’”
(Prolonged paused with hanging mouths)
“He didn’t get my joke. It’s too sophisticated.”
“He’s a mutant from another planet!”
Envisioning gaps in the new security logic:
“We get secret passwords, but we all have to write them on the same paper?”
“‘Pussy willow?’”
“Who’s ‘Big Boi?’”
The lips say no, but your body language says otherwise:
“You can’t bribe me with candy.”
(Grabs candy and throws it in a drawer)
One complains when we pull a logo from online:
“Can we abuse your intellectual property?”
“See? This is why we don’t ask you to do stuff like this.”
“It’s not abuse in a cheap way.”
Plight of the copyeditor:
“No one’s going to read my whole story.”
“Well, be definition, I technically have to.”
“I’m going. I left my phone at home, so if you need me, too bad.”
On meeting Maverick’s James Garner:
“I met him at an IHOP in Casper.”
(Interrupting) “I’ve heard that.”
“They’ve all heard my stories.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Not as sorry as we are.”
Ethics versus apathy:
“I feel bad throwing this council packet out. It’s so thick.”
“Well, if you feel so guilty about it, you can co across the parking lot to the city hall’s recycling bin.”
CRUNCH!
Strange grammatical questions arise when writing about Jews in Nazi Germany:
“Is there an exclamation point after ‘Heil Hitler?’”
“How hard are you heiling?”
said...
said...
You know, your posts with all of the random funny things, all remind me of me.
said...
Yeah, where are you Mr? Get posting!
-British Live Paradox Fan Club