When one is working nightside at the paper, there is a palpable change in the work environment in the evening. Sometimes, after the sun has been down a couple hours, some things seem funnier than they would appear in daylight. I’m not trying to excuse the phenomenon or the resulting actions; I simply want to explain the concept.
Keep this in mind when you read the quote log that concludes with a series of hobo-related comments.
And Jacqueline Schmidt, aka Gypsy Moon, aka the Queen of the Hobos, please accept my apologies in advance.
Juggling the phone:
Fumble, fumble…
“Everything’s under control.”
“When you have to say that, things are never under control.”
Upon returning from the West Coast:
“You don’t look any tanner.”
“We didn’t get to go outside when the sun was out.”
A male reporter relates how on one of the group’s trips out in California, he caught the eye of two guys and was told by the female members of the troupe to stare at his shoes”
“So you were leading them on?”
“I didn’t even see them.”
“So you were playing hard to get.”
I didn’t catch the context on this, but it still makes me laugh:
“He died the way he lived, beating an animal with a stick.”
“Don’t stand too close to me. God’s going to strike me dead.”
“Where are my pencils?”
“We may have looted your desk once we were done with Stephanie’s. We were in a mood.”
“It’s hard to stop once you start looting, it really is.”
Coming back from dinner after a day filled with technical troubles:
“Is everything okay?”
“Yep. No smoke coming from the computers.”
“Well, there was smoke earlier, but we beat them until they stopped.”
“Well, as long as they stopped.”
Someone brings in a book of antiquated insults and slurs:
“Hmm. ‘Meretriculate – to deceive, as does a whore.’ I’m writing that down.”
“I will pay you $50 to go to City Council dressed as Aunt Jemima.”
After going through the checklist for the printer:
“And then you can do my laundry.”
“Uh… that’s not in the stylebook.”
“You mean you would do it if it was in the stylebook, because that can be arranged.”
A photo is turned in of a defaced statute:
“Justin, why did you spray graffiti all over the WWI monument?”
“Because I was always a fan of the Kaiser.”
“A fan of the Kaiser, or did you just like those pointed helmets?”
“I just really liked the pointed helmets. And I was upset about the treaty.”
“That was a pretty bad treaty.”
“Worst treaty ever!”
How does one become a mining engineer, besides study, that is:
“Or guess really well on the aptitude test. ‘She scored a 97, but she put down C every time.’”
“We need a harder test.”
On the front page being black and white:
“Of course, this will be the day two cars of clowns collide in the street.”
“In two little, mini cars.”
“Blood and gore and balloons everywhere!”
More bad names for children:
“This is my kid, Chumbawamba.”
“He gets beat up a lot – don’t know why.”
“But when he gets knocked down, he gets up again.”
Half of a phone conversation when a reporter is sent out on a possible fire:
“No fire.”
“Tell him to hit a hobo on the way back and take a picture of it for the front page.”
“You’re supposed to hit a hobo and take a picture of it for the front page… How many?”
“Tell him it’s a personal challenge.”
The boss weighs in on the assignment of antagonizing hobos:
“I’m holding you two responsible if he is kidnapped by hobos.”
Imaging the reporter’s life among the hobos:
“Can you imagine if he got Stockholm Syndrome?”
“We’d get him back, dressed in rags, and he’d be like ‘Ahh! Soap!’”
Whispered: “What are we going to do if he actually hits a hobo?”
“I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to say it was your idea.”
Sometimes the brain refuses to let go of topics it has latched on to:
“Amanda, could you check for obituaries to help insert some sanity back into the conversation.”
“There could be hobits!”
Research is performed on the subject:
“Did you know there is a queen of the hobos?”
“She’s not much of a looker.”
The reporter returns:
“So, what was the final score?”
“No fire.”
“No… The hobos.”
“I’m not going to kill any hobos for you or the paper.”
“We didn’t ask you to kill hobos. Psycho!”
Caleb Michael said...
Good to hear from you Brianne.
I got a box set of Carole King CDs and thought of you... and all the times I threatened you for being around when I was singing Carole King songs.
As to your other points:
-- I plan to get to the Isles of Britain sometime in my life.
-- Reading your blog isn't hard when you keep it as entertaining as you do.
-- Hobo quotes are always hillarious.