- I hate to change lyrics, but I’ve had this pun flittering around my head for a while.
By the time you read this, I’ll probably already be in Wyoming, or at least more up in the air than I normally am (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, metaphorically, and other –ally’s).
Wherever I am, you can probably bet I’m sleep-deprived, excited, scared, and a host of conflicting emotions all at the same time. My fingers will probably be ink stained and I hope to be having the time of my life (hopefully one of the better ones). It should be informative and interesting, regardless.
I’m not sure how posting will be for a while. My big, clunky computer is not making the flight with me and I’m not sure what the paper’s policy is on personal internet use (I’ve asked, but have yet to get that clarified). There is a library near work with public internet access, though it may take a while to get a library card.
We’ll be playing things by ear for a while… not that this will be a new development.
I know I’ll have a lot to write about. The tricky thing will simply be finding the time to record those impressions and put them online while learning the ropes of a new job and trying to land more permanent housing than a motel suite.
“Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome...
Of a still verdictless life.”
It’s been interesting trying to cram my life into four little bags. Books, clothes, knick-knacks. How little can one survive on, I’ve had to ask. I have an answer, and it’s a trial by wire to see if it works out. I’m working without a net, so those of you who stick around for ringside seats may be in for a show. Life is always crazy under the big top, and I’d better move on before I mangle this metaphor much more.
I’m elated and sad. I’m beginning a new chapter, again. The last one seemed really short. I’ve turned a number of pages over the last few months, all leading up to this. I’m keen to see what happens next, even as I find myself pulled away from familiar faces and places.
Since leaving MU, and spending time apart from the place I spent over four years, I found myself missing my friends but being thankful for the family support I enjoyed. This time, I’m leaving the family behind as well. I know e-mail, phone cards, and blogging will maintain lines of communication, but it we will be farther removed than ever before. That was the benefit of going to school in-state. I got to leave home, but hugs, fresh baked cookies, and parent-paid-for Wal-Mart trips were only a few hours away. Now that I’ll have a major mountain chain between me and them, we’ll have to see how both sides adjust to the difference.
“So what, so I've got a smile on.
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.
Don't believe me (Don’t believe me…)
When I say I've got it down.”
After getting out of college, I had the mental image of myself running toward a gaping canyon. I was moving at top speed, and while I never seemed to get closer to the edge, the opposite side, conversely, seemed to keep moving farther back. As I progressed, I found the jump becoming more and more improbable to complete or even contemplate. Despite this, I was even more determined to try and found myself pushing myself even harder toward the chasm.
In my mind’s eye, I recently looked down and realized I had jumped. There was nothing beneath me. When I wasn’t paying attention, I had made the leap and was flying across the expanse. My forward momentum was still sending me toward the ever-receding side. No, proper physics hadn’t entered the situation, but at this late of date I wasn’t expecting it to. The wait now wasn’t to see whether I jumped, but to see if I landed.
I wager I’ll still be waiting at the end of the day, but I hope to have better indication of how things will turn out. I have a guess, of course, but I’m admittedly biased.
“Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, Wyoming, why?”
Time will tell.
said...
Wow. That's pretty much how my thought process went when I was en route to Spokane. A combination of "what the heck am I doing," "wow, this could be a great opportunity," and "oh my goodness I'm terrified."
It's the first step -- not the rest of your life. Take from it what you will, and have a good time.
And hey, you're closer to my place than you used to be!
-steph
Caleb Michael said...
Yep, we'll have to work out some sort of weekend thing sometime when we each have time off and spare time to go 800 or so miles.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to go to the airport.