I finally spotted snowflakes today.
Previously I’d been missing the brief appearances of Suzy Snowflake (a sprite I was introduced to in kindergarten who ranks somewhere between Frosty the Snowman and Jack Frost).
I’ve seen a lot of updates where people were getting excited about the first snow fall. I just missed it in several places (arriving too early or leaving too late). Ice I’d woken up to. I’ve been able to see my misty breath more clearly (which is my annual sign that I need to start thinking about switching out of shorts). I’ve also started revisiting my old friend, the wind chill charts (sure, you can listen to the weather people for that sort of thing, but that’s a simple calculation I like to perform on my own). Still, nothing powdery… until today
I feel like it’s Christmas season now. I don’t have to get irked off at all the people trying to foist it on me prematurely. I’m not talking about the spirit of giving and remembering God’s best gift of all, but the crass, commercialized version.
With Thanksgiving out of the way, businesses can unreservedly go whole hog in their Christmas pitching. Radio stations have started their once-a-year rotation of holiday classics and covers (you have a mix because people get nostalgic for the originals, but remakes by Kenny G or barking mutts are cheaper to get permission for).
Also, Christmas lights were reappearing (or simply being plugged in again after a 10-and-a-half-month hiatus of dimly hanging over the garage). On some lawns I see plastic reindeer, winged angels, and mischievous elves all crammed together. It makes you wonder what they would talk about to pass the time at night…
Donner: Alright? Whose deal is it now?
Gabriel:I shuffled the deck last time so I guess that makes it Mr. Molar’s turn.
Hermey: Cute, cute… Haven’t heard that one before.
Donner: Can we cut the jokes and get on with the game?
Hermey: Sure, sure… Just tell Ol’ High n’ Mighty to cut me some slack!
Donner: Fine, fine…
Hermey: It’s not like everyone can have a title like heavenly choir director.
Gabriel: Not to toot my own horn or anything, but…
Donner: Stop, stop, stop. Sigh… Look. That joke was clever the first time you used it. We ALL laughed – even the penguins with the little wool hats next door thought it was a hoot. But when you try to work it into every conversation, it loses something, you know?
Gabriel: Okay. Please, I would humbly ask for your forgiveness.
Hermey: Whatever you want. Okay, the name of the game is Five Card Stud. Sixes and red ladies are wild.
Cards are dealt out
Donner: I only got four. Give me one more.
Hermey: Oops. Here you go.
Donner: Thanks.
Hermey: What do you want?
Gabriel: I am very satisfied with what I was originally granted. I’ll keep the cards I have, thank you.
Hermey: I figured… What about you, Antlers?
Donner: I’ll trade these two…
Hermey: Okay. And dealer swaps for three.
Gabriel: I’m all in.
Donner: What? Don’t you want to play around with the wagering a bit?
Gabriel: There’s no reason not to be direct and to the point when big things happen.
Hermey: So much for a neutral poker face.
Donner: Forget it. He can underplay his motives, but that doesn’t give him a sweat hand. I’ll take that bet.
Gabriel: A brave, yet foolish decision. I will pray others show you mercy in times of your impending poor fortune.
Donner: Thanks, but no one’s said my chips are yours yet. What about you, Herm?
Hermey: Look… Dental school bills are pilling up and…
Donner: If it’s too rich, you don’t have to make excuses.
Hermey: No, no, it’s that… One moment.
The elf ruffles around in his pockets before dropping something shiny in the middle of the table
Donner: Is that what I think it is?
Hermey: Yeah…
Donner: A tooth? You’ve just bet a tooth. What is it, gold or something?
Hermey: Yeah…
Gabriel: Solid, too.
The deer and the elf stare at the angel for a second
Gabriel: What? Angels just can tell these things. Okay?
Donner: Far be it for me to call an angel a liar. Sigh… Herm? I’d ask where you got it, but I don’t think I want to know.
Gabriel: You’re right. I do know and you don’t.
The deer and the elf stare at the angel again
Gabriel: (Points at himself) Angel? Hello? Why do we keep forgetting this? Is the halo and harpsichord too subtle or what?
Donner: Fine. I guess that puts us all in for the money.
Hermey: Nothing left to do but show our cards…
Gabriel: And start singing hallelujahs…
Donner: You can hold off on swinging your baton as long as I have four Kings. What do you think of those deer droppings?
Gabriel: I would be more impressed if I didn’t have four Aces.
Donner: You had to red queens AND sixes wild, didn’t you Herm…
Hermey: Well…
Donner: The guy doesn’t even have a regular ace. He just upgraded himself with three sixes and the Queen of Hearts.
Gabriel: Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
Donner: What?
Gabriel: He merely outlined the rules. He was not the all-powerful creator who put into motion the fundamental rules that that guide this world, including, but not limited to, the laws of probability. If you have a problem, take it up with the Maker.
Donner: You arrogant, twisted…
Gabriel: Don’t make me turn you into venison, you secular destraction from the true meaning of the holiday.
Donner: Oh you did not just say the V-word! I aught to…
Gabriel: Oh, I aught to….
Hermey: You both aught to look at my cards.
Donner and Gabriel: What?
Hermey: Royal flush.
Donner: All diamonds.
Gabriel: Solid.
Hermey: Yep. (Pulls his winnings toward him) Besides. Someone is going to miss this tooth if I don’t get it back by the morning. Nice playing with you guys, though.
Gabriel: You, too.
Donner: Same time tomorrow?
Hermey: You know it.
Happy Holidays, everyone.
