Day Two: Surveying
Day Three: Good Fearing
Day Four: Failing Fears
Day Five: Love to Hate
Day Six: Fight or Flight
Day Seven: Eyeing the Storm
This is the part of the Blog we give fuel to our critics who argue that I’m mentally unbalanced (of course, this is accomplished in regular posts as well, but the distinction is even clearer in this case). This is also where we get to refer to ourselves in the third-person (and later plural singular and then by a series of grammar-warping pronouns).
I’d also like to note I fully align with neither of the two philosophies proposed by the dueling personalities. To have a strong, fair debate you need to believe in what you’re saying, so I’ve split my outlook between two voices. As always, I believe you can only find the truth if you examine both viewpoints.
We’ve flipped coins backstage. Prior to the start, we established that the first speaker would be the one who won the best of five flips, based on earlier complaints. Our first speaker one, and despite the protestations and death threats made by the loser (who proposed a “multiple-suicide-homicide” scenario), we will now begin with our discourse.
MEdiator: The topic to be batted about today is about fear in America, specifically is America ripe for another senseless freak out like Orson Welles’ 1938 “War of the Worlds” broadcast, of which today marks 67th anniversary. Discuss.
Me One: I fear America may panic itself into another needless hyperventilation. Look at the dangers broad cast on the news. Crime reporting is at a record high, though statistics show the nation is experiencing lows. When planes crash, the next month will be flooded with updates about the “dangers from the sky” even though airplanes are the safest way to travel and car accidents will claim a greater number of lives in the same amount of time. We worry about the deadly spectres of diseases like AIDS and HIV and fail to take basic steps to better our own health by eating right and exercising well. We are whipping ourselves into a frenzy and we can’t be far from the edge. This nation is a hair’s breadth away from being swallowed alive by the fear’s we’ve created. If given enough time and enough mis-directed energy, we will hype ourselves to death.
MEdiator: Your response?
Me Two: I think believe my opponent is wrong. I also believe that candies like black licorice, those little black and orange wrapped toffees, and suckers are unfairly underrated handouts and shouldn’t be badmouthed. You got it for free! Why should you complain just because your sucrose came in a form you didn’t prefer. Eat it or give it to someone who would appreciate it, like me. End discussion.
MEdiator: Um… Is that all you want to say. Don’t you want to wax more on the topic on hand?
Me Two: Oh yeah. That reminds me. I also miss those little bottles made out of wax that had that sugary juicy liquid inside. You had to make sure they didn’t end up at the bottom of the bag (or plastic skull/jack o’ lantern/bowl of choice) for fear it’d get crushed and would ooze out on your other goodies. That’s an easy way to ruin a stack of Pixy Sticks.
MEdiator: I mean is there anything about fear in America you’d like to address?
Me Two: You want to talk about fear? I hate the fact that we can’t have candy cigarettes anymore. Those were cool, but now you can’t market candy cigarettes for fear of getting sued over sugar. They call them “candy sticks” now, but that doesn’t fool anyone who remembers the old days where you’d walk around November 1 with little white prongs sticking out of your mouth, taking them out to blow an imaginary puff of smoke. Nowadays, they’re just harmless little non-tobacco sticks. Right… Wink.
Rebuttal?
MEdiator: Excuse me. That’s my line. Um… Rebuttal?
Me One: Sure… I’d like to contest my opponent’s earlier statement that America is not heading toward self-destruction. While I wish I had specific points to contest, rather than candy commentary, I will briefly list some additional facts to support my own conclusion. There are true dangers to be feared facing the world, but we rarely ascribe them the proper respect we’d need to seriously address the situation. We worry about kids bringing guns to school, but we spend our money more on metal detectors and cameras rather than additional counseling services. People complain about the exploding prisoner population, but funding is cut for educational and rehabilitation programs that could help end the cycle of poor choices (which is too often passed on to the next generation). We waste our time and resources on flashes in the pan. Those sparks catch our attention and are easily addressed, but we do so by ignoring the long raging fires that are encircling us. That is why it is inevitable that we’re going to get burned.
MEdiator: Your response?
Me Two: First, I am offended by the supposition that I’m exclusive concentrating on candy. In my defense, I didn’t make the “Fun Size” joke about the miniature candy bars that everyone makes this time of year and ceased to be clever around 1993. Second, I thought the answer was obvious and even proved by my opponent, so I moved on to other topics to make the most of my allotted time. To wit, I believe the nation won’t have another nation-wide fright-fest because our attention is already to splintered, as stated by my imbecile adversary. You may have many of the ingredients that were vital in 1938: citizens concerned with a war abroad and threats at home, a economy straddling the fence between renewal and collapse, and public that is easily bewildered and enthralled (look at today’s movies and television programming. How does half of that stuff get made?). But even if the pot finally starts to smoke, our national concentration will be so distracted, we won’t see anything happen. We will be alternatively checking our stocks and consulting the weather channel and seeing how badly our sports team did and bulking up on celebrity gossip and we might catch a snippet of the pending nightmare, but a commercial break will come and well switch to the latest reality tv blend. Ignorance is bliss, and this country will prove it by being fat and happy and clueless.
MEdiator: Concluding remarks?
Me One: We’re in danger of falling prey to our own creations. The media has created countless boogey-men. Ebola, killer bees, road rage. Despite the reassurances the lottery-like odds of such things occurring should give us, we are told threats like this can kill us… and they eventually will be right. With the distractions they provide, we’ll eventually be done in by the dangers we should have been focusing on, and in this indirect approach, we’ll prove the pundits right. I blame the talking heads on the screen for fooling us and the empty heads at home for believing it and letting them get away with it. The monster hiding in the closet is lack of knowledge. He is real and he is deadly. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Me Two: Beware of boys crying, “Wolf!” Statistically speaking, they’re unreliable and considering how well armed people are today, it’s the wolf who should be worried about us. You want facts instead of putdowns, fine. For me, the most bone chilling section in “The Culture of Fear” – which has been liberally referenced without citation by my opponent, is the fear that didn’t occur. At the end of the book, written in 1999, the author asks what it will take to prompt an honest response to serious threats such as hunger, dilapidated schools, and health care. He wonders: “Will it take an event comparable to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor to convince us that we must join together as a nation and tackle these problems?” My sorry answer is no. We’ve seen such an event, and though it made our nation pause, we sometimes appear to have made little progress.
The week of 9/11, the song I listened to most was “Great Big Stupid World” by Randy Stonehill, which listed a number of daily distractions we concentrate on rather than the serious issues at hand. Now that we’ve returned to “shark attack” alerts and in-depth meditation on “celebrity romances,” I see no reason to change my tune or expectations now.
MEdiator: Please make your final, summarizing comments.
Me One: Be knowledgeable or be afraid.
Me Two: Great, big, stupid world.
MEdiator: Thank your for sticking with us and I wish everybody a good (Martian) landings.
