And they should know what I think about that.
For the rest of you, let me spell things out. Whenever you turn on the TV, flip through the back ads of a magazine, or look at posted fliers, it seems those blessed with “perceptions far more advanced than are own” are easily found.
Granted, Miss Cleo isn’t around any more, but she has many “soul sisters” that were keen to fill her void (though some wisely decided not to pick up her accent).
All you have to do to get in touch with them is dial onto a website or call a number (and keep a credit card on hand. Don’t worry. The first five minutes are free). Some may scoff at the blatant capitalism, but they would counter that going through such “official” channels prove that they are genuine. The fact they’ve set up a solid business infrastructure lends them more credit as opposed to a person who is set up on a sidewalk advertising their services with a hand-lettered sign (I’ve seen those people. Either they failed hotline work or simply aren’t applying themselves enough).
Don’t worry about the minute-by-minute “entertainment fee.” We all know that’s a “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” disclaimer. Those actually seeking entertainment can find it easier and cheaper. Those who stay on the line rationalize it as a courtesy nod to a legal system that refuses to acknowledge their prowess. And they are free to continue thinking that as long as predictions don’t go wrong and they try to retaliate with a lawsuit. It shouldn’t surprise you that psychics – in their all-encompassing knowledge – know the legal system extremely well. And anytime lawyers get involved it isn’t going to be pretty.
Some people prefer to spend less and simply watch harmless psychic fare. Network and cable stations know how to cater to such tastes (even if “The Ghost Whisperer” is one of the stupidest titles ever imagined. Yes, I get that it was a play on the “The Horse Whisperer.” No, that doesn’t actually score it any points). Some show “real” psychics who connect audience members with those who have gone “beyond.”
I do believe in psychics. They appear in the Bible (though rarely were they batting for the good team). I’d wager most genuine psychics do more than dabble in parlor game style theatrics. Those who say “gifted” people are as widespread as their advertising would indicate are merely full of it (“it” being whatever material you wish to mentally cram down their throats).
I recently renewed my belief in this viewpoint after an afternoon of mental shrieking.
Ever messed up and not been in a position to openly wail about it? There are few things as discordant as smiling nodding politely while your brain bellows “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!”
While some psychics tell you they have a filter developed and/or treat “background thoughts” like static, I’d wager these silent primal screams could cut through the sieve of any psychic within “earshot.”
Now it would be real easy to make statements without providing any proof of your claims. Many professions take that tact – telemarketers, fad diet gurus, news pundits, etc. – and while it takes little effort to propagate their message (once an audience is tapped, of course) I would like to aim slightly higher.
I decided to be scientific in my approach. I picked up a couple of books on parapsychology from the library and formulated a plan.
Thus, I designed a series of experiments in the category of thought projection. The procedure wouldn’t hold up to standards required by major peer-reviewed science publications, but I figure my work is just as bankable as the results of other so-called “experts” that argue their work proves Extrasensory Perception (ESP) exists (I’d also wager my results are more likely to be repeatable, another indicator of solid research).
Question: Can one’s loud mental outcry elicit a response on a crowded street?
Expectation: Crap, no!
Procedure: Walk a distance of 100 to 150 meters mentally concentrating on broadcasting message. Thoughts should be clear, convey strong emotion, and repeated at a booming volume. One will look for responses across four lengths. Two times one will “scream” negative messages, one will “call out” a positive message, and the final length will be normal-level mental musings, to act as a control. One will look for any response that indicates a “gifted receiver” perceived the extreme thoughts.
The messages conveyed were not directly recorded, for that would slow the communication and reading a “prepared” thought may come off as too stilted or artificially composed.
Quick note to FBI dataminers To those of you whose job it is to comb through domestic sites using key words like “bomb” to find plans for imminent destruction, you will not find them here. This is just a probing of local psychic perception and not a walk-through of something more serious. You would think something like this would be common sense, but my legal counsel suggested otherwise. I should note that while my lawyer, David E. Kelley, is not paid a binding retainer, he, nonetheless, has taught me much about the legal system through his shows “Ally McBeal, “The Practice,” and “Boston Legal.” I am told his show “Girl’s Club” was also about lawyers, but I, and the rest of the country, never watched it.
Legalese aside, what is to follow are selections of the messages projected.
Length One: Dirty Bomb
Selected thoughts:
Hey! I’ve got a dirty bomb. One of those nuclear things? Ever watch the movie “Sum of All Fears”? Yeah, one of those. I’m talking serious radioactive fall-out. Look at me! I’m wearing a camo-print raincoats and have a lumpy backpack. Don’t I look like the type of guy who would carry around a dirty bomb? I’d start running if I were you. This dirty bomb is really dirty, like Christina Aguilera dirty. Don’t look at me! The flash could cause you to go blind, if it doesn’t kill you first. I’m getting tired; I think I’m going to set it off now just to save the trouble. Hear comes the mushroom cloud.
Perceived psychic reaction Nothing.
Length Two: Anthrax
Selected thoughts:
Anthrax! I’ve got anthrax here! I’m not talking about that stupid old 80’s band, I’m talking that deadly spore-y powder stuff. See me walking toward the post office? I’ve already got my own stamps and envelopes and everything. I’m one drop box away from spreading first-class mayhem. Think of your favorite personality – politician, celebrity, or media master. I’m sending a letter to them. Now think of your least favorite headline maker. Can you picture them getting a letter in the mail from me? Well too bad, ‘cause I’m still going to send a letter to your favorite person… or maybe to you. You know how the postal service is. It’s not flour or cocaine in these envelopes. It’s anthrax!
Perceived psychic reaction Nothing.
Length Three: Puppies
Selected thoughts:
Free puppies! Who wants a cuddly little ball of wonderful fur? Everyone needs a puppy? If you’re a dog-lover you know what I mean. If you’re a cat-lover, you need to see what you’ve been missing. Don’t you want to see a cute little waging tail? Look at all the pockets I have: I have room for a handful of puppies, but the supply is limited. Better stop me now and ask about the puppies. Do it soon or I may choose to keep them all for myself. Does your apartment ban pets? It doesn’t matter! These puppies are sooo sweet and endearing that they’d covert even the worst Cruella DeVil. Find out why dogs are man’s best friend or rediscover your love of the most perfect animal ever
Perceived psychic reaction Not surprisingly, nothing.
Length Four: Regular ramblings
I had no idea peanut butter sandwiches can turn neon yellow if you leave them alone like that. That was freaky. I’d forgotten I’d left them in that front pocket. That’s what I get for swapping backpacks for a couple of weeks. That’s plenty of penicillin for someone to swallow. I really shouldn’t have just dropped them in that parking lot when I discovered them. It wasn’t very Earth-conscious of me, but I was afraid the bags might bust if I keep carrying them around. Maybe if they’re still there when I come back – and I have no reason to think someone else would touch them – I’ll put them in the dumpster… unless they’ve already walked away under their own power.
Perceived psychic reaction Nothing, but if someone was psychic could you blame them?
Conclusions: Either I was surrounded only by fellow jihadists who were equally dedicating to spreading mayhem and were all cat-lovers, or psychics don’t abound as much as the mass media postulates that they do, or all area psychics were sharp enough to recognize a crackpot when they see one and knew better than to get involved.
I know what conclusion I think is real; and I’d wager you do too even if you’re not psychic.
