and ultimately gave civil servants and extra day off, too”
The second part, while not a part of the original rhyme, certainly has become an important part of Chris’s impact.
The reason why this post is late is because the public library was closed. One feels a unique sensation when they find a place is unexpectedly closed after you’ve hiked two miles to get there. Granted, part of that feeling was in my heels because I’m breaking in new boots, but the other half is farther up in the gut.
Fortunately, I wasn’t alone in my oversight. I turned the corner on the heels of two guys who were equally chagrinned about the library’s timing.
One of them remarked, “It makes sense that the library would be closed on a day when many people would wouldn’t be normally free could come and drop by.”
He meant it as an ironic mark, but I understood the worker’s viewpoint. I know several people who try to schedule themselves so they miss the heavy shifts. I especially recall a Pizza Hut worker who strictly instructed her friends to order takeout from Dominos (backed up by thinly veiled threats if we didn’t comply).
Anyway, since I was out, I decided to find a nice shady spot downtown to contemplate the situation. I found a nice sunny spot at the Governor’s Garden (located right next to the gubernatorial mansion) and got to thinking…
HOW IS COLUMBUS DAY STILL A HOLIDAY? I wrote in my notebook.
This isn’t a rhetorical question. I’d like to know why it’s still on the books. To me it seems like a holiday left on the calendar because those in charge like having the extra day off.
It’s like President’s Day, another seriously suspect holiday. You’re not going to forget Columbus’s name just because you don’t have a holiday. You will recollect the name just as well (or as poorly) without the yearly reminder. Millard Fillmore, anyone? Franklin Pierce? I’d bet that if you’re not a presidential buff or a distant relative, you wouldn’t know that they’re the 13th and 14th presidents, respectively.
As for Columbus Day, the time off (and unrelated sales) have taken center stage rather than the man. And if you consider this a black holiday, getting extra time to think about it isn’t going to help. In the same was that the 4th of July is cool received by the English, there are still groups of people today that don’t appreciate Chris’s watermark.
"Remember when we Europeans first started showing up unannounced?” Yeah. Just thought I’d remind you. Awkward silence. The Niña, the Pinta and the Santa María … Good times…"
We really should have stopped celebrating this in 1992. I mean the 500th anniversary would have been a good wrap up date. Other countries would be free to keep celebrating Lord knows how much the Spain still loves St. Chris, and to a lesser extent, Portugal – but America should call it quits on this holiday.
I mean the whole premise of the holiday is fundamentally flawed. Columbus didn’t discover “the Indies.” He wasn’t even the first to hit the Americas. He just bumped into some islands that he subsequently mislabeled and started perpetuating the misconception.
Granted, there are some people who claim Columbus really did set foot on the American mainland. He only changed the logbooks, these people say, to keep from causing political trouble if he encountered ships from other countries. Of course, they have yet to offer definitive proof and mainly of them are blood relations to ol’ Chris (and thus, are a bit biased concerning his battered reputation).
While we are offering alternatives histories for Columbus, we shouldn’t neglect to mention both the Vikings and the Chinese who supposedly visited both American coasts prior to Columbus’s arrival.
Of course, neither of them are known to have had the gall to claim to discover a place long inhabited by other peoples. That’ like marching into a stranger’s kitchen and planting a flag in the middle of their living room.
Explorer: Look at this marvelous land. From henceforth, this land, Blunderia, shall become a kingdom ruled by me on behalf of my beautiful benefactor, the Queen.
Cue a beer-bellied “native” holding clutching a bag of chips and opened jar of salsa. He clears his throat for lack of knowing what else to do.
Explorer: Why what are you doing here in Blunderia?
“Native:” Doing where?
Explorer: Blunderia. You just missed the ceremony where I officially claimed this place.
“Native:” You can’t claim this place… Blunderia. It’s 248 B.
Explorer: Of course I can. I just discovered it.
“Native:” But I already live here.
Explorer: But I didn’t know that until after I planted that flag… You’re going to have to go.
“Native:” Now?
Explorer: Don’t make me pull out the disease infected blankets.
“Native:” You can’t do this.
Explorer: History’s on my side in this one. Sorry, though.
“Native” puts down his food and stalks out angrily muttering about “guys with foreign accents and flags”
Explorer starts munching on the discarded chips, settles back into an easy chair, and clicks on the tube.
Explorer: Ooh! My kingdom gets HBO.
Or something like that…
Now that we’ve been doing this for 513 years, you’d think we’d come up with something better to do. I’m not saying that I want to axe a holiday; I’m not that mercenary. I’m just saying, pick a better reason to hold a holiday or call it what it is.
So a year for now, should our nation continue to participate in this celebratory charade, I’d encourage you to wish each other a “Happy Christopher Columbus-couldn’t-find-India-if-his-life-depended-on-it-but-if-we’re-willing-to-extend-his-time-in-the-spotlight-I-might-as-well-take-a-breather-myself-Day.”
It’d be wordy, but it’d be accurate.
Solon said...
"Do you have a flag?" - Eddie Izzard.
Happy late Indigenous Americans' Day!
said...
There really is a good reason that the U.S. should be thankful for Christopher Columbus. If he hadn't taken his trip, there wouldn't have been all the handy abandoned villages (Disease is fun!) nor readily available slaves that allowed the first settlers to survive and thrive. So, without "Chris" there probably wouldn't be a United States of America to be celebrating.
Food for Thought.
Caleb Michael said...
Hey Keith,
What's your e-mail? I've been trying to get it through other channels (or at least have been thinking about it), but haven't gotten it yet.