WAG - An open letter to writer’s block:
To whom in may concern,
I hope this missive reaches you rapidly and in good condition.
My name is Caleb Michael Smith. I believe you’d heard of me. You’ve been harassing me all day in addition to troubling me in countless past encounters.
Remember the final draft of the research paper in Honor’s English IV in high school? The essay on entertainers of the 1910s and 20s? Recall the trial that was biological science and malaria? All the word problems in geometry? How about the fourth-grade project on the environment of ants?
Ring any bells? I thought so…
I’ve been taught to tackle obstacles straight-on when that approach seemed prudent. This does not work in every case – for there are times when the choice to use that tactic was ill advised and others times when the judgment was sound but the execution was poor.
So here we go again.
I’ve been having trouble expressing my thoughts - something that is largely your fault. I was going to compose a long, well thought out argument to convince you to direct your halting efforts elsewhere, but you stymied that as well.
Here is a select listing of some other abandoned compositions you recently interfered with:
- An emotional plea appealing to your sense of honor and honesty
- A request of boon that bases its arguments on your sexy good looks
- A directory of people who I think would be better off enjoying your “services”
- A list of the contributions to mankind I intend to make if you’d remove your monkey from my back
- A much pared down list of potential societal offerings that seems more reasonable (so much for the time machine and the machine through which you can fax a pizza – Delivered in two minutes or less, or your toner back!)
- A catalog of select personal items I would consider paying in ransom
- A complete inventory of personal possessions and the names of a few people who owe me money.
- Terms of conditional surrender
- Terms of unconditional surrender (I was halted when trying to pick the words of humility to go with the waving of the white flag)
So after all this, and as you know, I’ve given up trying to find the sensitive words to communicate this next thought tactfully, LAY OFF!
It’s been a long day, I’ve had to chase down too much trouble over the last 48 hours as it is, and you aren’t helping things.
Sigh…
Your burden further restricts me to stumpy phrases. Fine.
You try my patience! You make things so complicated! You make me agitated! You stink like skunk!
Sigh…
Only three-word phrases? Or less? Do hyphenated-words count? Okay.
I hate you! You no fun! No like you! Die, die, die!
Sigh…
Wait a minute… This formerly blank page is filled with words! Not all of them are eloquent or finely crafted, but there they are.
Hmm…
Thanks Writer’s block. It seems you’ve come through on my behalf for a change.
Heh, heh, heh.
Take good care of yourself! Say, “Hello!” to the strife and skids for me. I know we’ll meet again, but for now, I bid you good leave.
Forgive my premature departure, but I have some writing to do.
Take that, sir!
'Score_one_for_the_home_team'
