WAG - Plotting the method to the madness
I've asked myself recently, where has my time been going? What have I been up to that has sapped my extra time and rendered me a poor utilizer of my time.
To solve this conundrum, I decided to examine my own motives, drives, and code of conduct. Here, I present to you the culmination of my inner-investigation: my own personal rules.
By reviewing these edicts, you too can observe how I function, and hopefully come to the same conclusion on how I came to be where I am right now.
And without further ado, I present:
My Personal Rules of Conduct
Rule 1: First rule of personal conduct, there are rules of personal conduct.
Rule 2: Consult Rule 1.
Rule 3: Move arms more rapidly to simulate an increase in movement.
Rule 4: Paper beats rock just because it does.
Rule 5: If you don't go to bed when I ask you, the gypsies will come and take you away.
Rule 6: In a fine restaurant, always be sure to use the proper utensil, tip the waiter generously, and never lick your plate when someone is looking.
Rule 7: Lucky numbers are a farce and symbolically tying concepts to numerals based on theoretical outcomes and expectations is grossly pathetic.
Rule 8: You put your right foot in and you shake it all about.
Rule 9: Red always goes first in checkers... unless you setup the board before I could claim the red side, in which black goes first.
Rule 10: Always keep one loaded in the chamber along with a full clip.
There is no Rule 11. Get over it.
Rule 12: Don't mix oil with water, nitro with glycerin or African bees with American honey bees.
Rule 13: Giant checks are for photo ops only. Don't try to cash them.
Rule 14: If he hollers, "Let him go," einey, meany, miney, moe.
Rule 15: The white zone is for loading and unloading ONLY!
Rule 16: Embezzling millions of dollars at the expense of poor, underpaid workers is unethical, reprehensible, and something you and I will probably never be in the position to do, so we don't have to worry about it.
Rule 17: (Note: In lieu of Rule 17, I'm going to insert a random paragraph from a recipe I've recently rescued from the recycle bin to my right. It's not really a rule, but if you follow it, you should make a tasty Coca-cola cake) Combine cola, butter and cocoa in saucepan. Bring to a boil. Remove from heat. Pour over sugar. Add vanilla. Blend and pour over hot cake. Prinkle with chopped nuts if using. Cool completely before cutting.
Rule 18: The postman always rings twice. I don't know why.
Rule 19: Don't bring in da noise if you aren't going to bring in da funk as well.
Rule 20: Those who own poodles should expect to be mocked and shouldn't be so surprised when I fulfill that expectation.
Rule 21: While not calling after 10 p.m. (9 p.m. Eastern time), isn't really an official rule, it's certainly a polite guideline to follow.
Rule 22: Just because Mr. Rogers and Barney love you the way you are, it doesn't mean that I have to (though I might).
Rule 23: The sun rises in the east and a gorilla sits wherever he wants to.
Rule 24: Wear safety belts. Buck gravity before it bucks you.
Rule 25: Saying you have, "No comment," is, in fact, a comment.
Rule 26: Super-sizing your meal means your heart attack will hit 15 minutes earlier than what it would if you would had requested the regular order.
Rule 27: Don't wear white after Labor Day... or Arbor Day... I'm lysdexic and I really don't remember...
Rule 28: The "man" is refered to as singular, despite the fact he's obviously plural. That's the way he/they like it.
Rule 29: The odds are you've started scanning this list a long time ago, so I need no worry about fully formulating thoughts and completing them.
Rule 30: We were all created equal. But as George Orwell noted, it's just that some are more Equal than others (the rest of us are more Sweet and Low).
Rule 31: Disco is not coming back. Ever.
Rule 32: Whatever you do, don't drink from the glass on your left. I'll tell you why later. Don't speak of this to the cops... who may or may not be showing up shortly.
Rule 33: If someone tells you, "You have a spot on your tie," don't believe them for they just may be planning to flick you in the nose when you look down.
Rule 34: This space for rent.
Rule 53: Don't mock dyslexic people. Like it they do not.
Rule 36: Hit the save button frequently.
Rule 37: If you go on long enough, you find order breaks down and the law isn't what it used to be. Rules become suggestions, suggestions become food-for-thought, food-for-thought isn't enough to nourish anybody, so you end up doing whatever comes naturally. Chaos abounds, all of society's pillar's collapse, entropy wins so you're better off giving up.
Rule 38: If you're going to wear sandals, please don't wear socks.
Rule 39: If you get this far, though I really don't know how you could follow all of these and not have been incarcerated by now, buy yourself a lemonade and take the rest of the month of... or afternoon... whatever your boss is more likely to let you get away with.
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