WAG - Five Minute Sunday Round-up

As has become usual, I was not able to watch the Oscars live. I hope my parents taped it so I can watch it during Spring Break (which is also usual), but I've made a better use of my time than staking out the red carpet with the River harpies, watching Barbra make celebrities cry, and seeing what outrageous outfit Cher brought this year.

Church was amazing today. We celebrated women's ministry tonight and had a speaker with an incredible testimony. She was healed after suffering through various physical ailments (which stole away over 80 percent of her muscle efficiency). Though she meant to concentrate on women's ministries, our service turned into an impromptu healing service. It was very touching. Many people expressed needs or impairments that had remained unspoken for years. It was a blessing to watch others be touched.

I also went out to eat with the speaker, pastors, and friends afterwards. We squeezed a group of 20 people in the International House of Pancakes (which is double the previous record of mob's I've eaten with there).

It was fun, moving, and much more entertaining than the passing out of naked miniature gold men.

'No_offense_Billy'

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WAG - Woke up this morning, got myself a paper…

Oh my...

Upon glancing through the paper this morning, I realized two things about Sockdolager:

One - I forgot about the extra time that needs to be put into the production features. Due to all the extra formatting, topics that are written about one week won't appear until the next week. So the edition about the town's questionable motto won't come out 'till next week.

Two - Despite a facetious claim to be a closet “Nixon Republican,” the feature appears even more liberal today.

Of course, that is probably due to the fact it is asking whether or not Columbia is liberal, but that shouldn’t totally excuse it.

Check it out and see.

Note: The page is in Adobe Acrobat form. I figure the paper presents it this way because the online text-only version didn’t do the layout justice.

The definitions of the different degrees of liberalism wasn’t bad, and the liberal quiz was sorta good (it would have been better if it didn’t appear that it was written by a liberal trying to imagine what extreme beliefs of conservatives are [I could be wrong about the writers of the test, but that’s how it appeared]), but there was one feature that was mentioned by everyone.

The political map of Missouri (outlying everything from the Springfield Church of Ashcroft to Rush County [near Cape Girardeau] to the Jefferson City Pork Lovers) by itself is going to prompt the writing of a lot of letters. I’d wager they won’t all be happy.

Of course, it will just add a pinchful of tender to an already raging debate. Already there’s a discussions going on in the J-School asking whether or not this feature belongs.

An email was sent out where the head editor of the section, a student, tried to explain where there were coming from and why they took the approach they did.

The most interesting paragraph has been cut and pasted here:

How it got started This project all started because we felt the paper, which is staffed by student reporters, was lacking a student voice. But we quickly realized that attempting to create a traditional editorial page would not be very wise. We don't know enough about enough issues to regularly take positions on them. And we wanted to create a format that would take advantage of one of our distinct traits: our youth. We are also were extremely tired of the traditional debating lines that exist within the media. To us, the commentary in the media is too often just an extremely predictable shouting match.

Okay, I admit that you have good intentions, but you’ve just said that you don’t understand the format enough to be able to replicate it. If you don’t know how to mirror the fundamental format, what makes you think you can improve or transcend the original.

The word around the newsroom is that the feature’s days are numbered. I still hope the group can pull out something redemptive, but the window of opportunity will be closing soon.

Good luck Sockdolagers.

'You_need_it'

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WAG - What’s a Motto With You?

The Columbia Missourian has been introducing some new features over the last few weeks.

Along with a new Sunday format that appeared last week, there’s a whole new column called the Sockdolager.

“What the heck is that?” you may ask. Many had the some question (with the severity of their query varying depending on their personal interest and the expanse of their cursing vocabulary).

Before it first premiered, there were teasers for the section. There was a large portrait of a stern faced Abe Lincoln speaking the strange, foreign term. To add to the impact, each letter was of a different size, and in some cases, of a different font. The “g” was especially spirited.

Anyway, beneath that was the caption reading:

The opinion page for people who don’t like opinion pages

And farther down, printed much, much smaller than that was:

(And for those who do)

It certainly piqued my interest and looked forward to the first edition on Friday.

I wasn’t disappointed.

In the opening edition, it explained the largely unknown etymology, or history of the word.

Traditionally (among history buffs, I suppose) the term, was among the last words Abraham Lincoln heard before he was shot. “Sockdolager” implies a decisive argument that imparts the finishing blow. In Tom Taylor’s play, “An American Cousin,” the line, “Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, you sockdologising old man-trap,” was uttered just before John Wilkes Booth took the stage (after shooting the president).

It then went on to promise “smart, biting commentary” on a weekly basis.

That was followed by the directions, ingredients, and warnings for various common products like:

The Atkins Diet - Directions: “Stop using and ask a doctor if you’re losing weight but suffering chronic chest pains, or you’re using Atkins as an excuse to regularly eat at fast food chains.”

SUVs - Ingredients: “A truck body with a few extra seats added.”

And my personal favorite, Wal-Mart - Warning: “Do not look directly at in-store Orwellian signs that read ‘Prioritize… Economize… Exercise.’” or “Keep out of the of Target.”

Wow, a Missourian feature with verve and attitude. No, not just regular “attitude,” but attitude in italics. Where was this when I was in J-306, I asked myself. I didn’t agree with all the punch lines, but I was curious how I could get involved with something like that.

Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to wait too long.

An email came across the journalism email list serve Wednesday, from the executive editor of the Missourian, asking for help on behalf of “the good folk in Sockdolagerland.”

Apparently, the group was looking for help in mocking Columbia’s latest attempt to reinvent itself.

Note: This is from the town that is trying to get people to call the downtown area “the district.”

The newest makeover was revealed after a $45,000 initiative to come up with a new town motto took 18 months to come up with this:

“Columbia: The smart, innovative, artsy, eclectic, clever, savvy, vibrant, too-dynamic-to-fit-into-a-short-tagline city.”

For those of you playing Concerned Taxpayer: the Home Game, that’s $2,500 per month, per word.

I’m sure part of the money went to buy a dictionary, to design the snazzy logo, and to pay for the call to the Guinness Book of World Records (to submit it for the longest town motto), but how the rest of the money was spent is best not contemplated.

Anyway, the Sockdolagers were looking for help compiling a Top Ten list of the 10 slogans Columbia rejected before choosing the final clunker that we’re now stuck with.

Since it’s not very often you get a request from the executive editor of the local paper to lampoon such a deserving target, I submitted my own list of 10 mottos that would best the “extremely long and painful” slogan currently in effect.

To remind you what I was up against, here’s the motto one more time:

“Columbia: The smart, innovative, artsy, eclectic, clever, savvy, vibrant, too-dynamic-to-fit-into-a-short-tagline city.”

VERSUS

#10: Columbia: The smarmy, insistent, angst-ridden, eccentric, crafty, savant-like, vivacious, too-long-winded-to-fit-into-a-short-tagline city.

#9: Columbia: Could we BE and more Mid-Missouri?

#8: Columbia: Yeah, at times we have occasionally been excessively wordy to an extreme.

#7: Columbia: The Missouri One, NOT the One with All the Cocaine

#6: Columbia: Ask about our District

#5: Columbia: Don’t Ask About our Tiger Spot

#4: Columbia: Soon a Major Motion Picture from New Line Cinema

#3: Columbia: Checkout our Guinness Book of World Record entry

#2: Columbia: How ‘bout them University Scandals?

and Number One:

Columbia: Home of the $45,000 Howler

I don’t know if any will make tomorrow’s cut, but I do take some pleasure in the fact I was invited to the dance.

'Duck_Mr_Lincoln'

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WAG - Wow wee wah wah wow!

I’m thunderstruck.

Today I read two stories that blew my mind.

First, Mizzou beat #7 ranked Oklahoma. We were unranked, facing the best team in the Big 12 (which was also a potential #1 seed in the NCAA tournament), and pulled out a surprise win at home after double-overtime.

Wow…

The second story is just too weird to describe. Don’t take any chances folk. Just read the story and lock your doors tonight. You’ll feel that much safer.

'Beware_the_Barbie_Man'

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WAG - Can you speak Martian?

I know people who have learned how to speak and write in the Middle Earth Elfish language. I know people who know a spattering of Klingon. This weekend I even read about a person who took Harry Potter, a book filled with many terms new to us “muggles, ” and converted it into ancient Greek.

I thought I’d gotten my fill of quirky language related stories until catching this article which outlines the newest lingo that’s been created to help NASA scientists working with the Mars lander twins.

Quick quiz: What does “MER-A ratted Adirondack yestersol while solar groovy, even though it was high tau in Gusev.” mean in English?

Time up! Pencils down. Pass your papers forward.

Translated, it reads:
Spirit, the first Mars exploration rover, used its rock abrasion tool to grind into a rock nicknamed for an Eastern mountain range one Mars day ago while receiving adequate power from its solar panels, even though there was a large amount of dust suspended in the Martian atmosphere above its landing site, named after a 19th century Russian astronomer.

I am ticked by the fact that all the shorthand, jargon, and nested acronyms (where the individual letters of an acronym often referred not to full words but to further acronyms) are developing into its own unique language.

NASA has reportedly been doing it for years, but current users of online Instant Messengering systems, should find it no surprise that shorthand comments are becoming the standard.

Is this grossly oversimplifying language, or is this simply a new twist in the development of language. Will grammar, spelling, and structure be steadily reduced and limited over time, as humorously suggested by Mark Twain? Could our vocabulary be systematically whittled down to make the general populace easier to control as suggested by George Orwell (in his book, "1984," which I’m sure many Illuminati Grand Viziers curse for letting the “big brother concept” out the bag a bit too early for their liking)?

IMHO = %-) Translation:(In My humble opinion, this makes me brain dead)

BYKT (But you know that)

HTH (Hope that helps)

GTG (Got to go)

CUL8R (See you later)

Translation provided by Computer World.

'TTFT_Ta_ta_for_now'

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WAG - Current prognosis:
Full Pantry, Empty Stomach

No change expected anytime soon
"I’m not feeling good…"

At least that’s what I wrote in my notebook while sitting in the meeting for prospective summer staff members. I spent most of my time doodling and checking my temperature.

I’m fairly sure I’m coming down with something.

I could list some of my symptoms, but that some people would not appreciate such details.

That being said, I do have to say that I find the whole timing ironic. Today, I went on a Wal-Mart run (to pick up supplies for student staff appreciation week) and came back with a plethora of soups, crackers, noodles, chocolates, various rice products, and a pack of gum.

My eyes tell me it all looks scrumptious. My gut feeling, however, has voted otherwise and, alas, has been utilizing its veto power.

I don’t know if this is a 24-hour bug or not. With the way my luck has been lately, I’m trying not to hazard a guess for fear of what time frame my paranoid subconscious will submit.

I am fortunate that I have no classes tomorrow. I have some staff meetings and a lunch with friends (which I will cancel if I feel I’ll be too contagious), but otherwise won’t be doing much.

I’ve been thinking about how my sick days have changed over the years.

Really, the whole concept of taking a day off due to sickness hasn’t been a sweat deal since middle school.

Back in elementary school, I didn’t know how to make the system work for me. A parent would stay home, but I’d never see them. I would sleep all day, emerging only to take the medicine that was thrust down my throat, and then returning to my cocoon beneath my blankets. Homework was never a factor, because there really wasn’t much. My one-page short story might be turned in a day late or I might have to make up a test covering the 6-times table, but after 5 minutes of effort, I’d be all caught up.

In middle school, one knew how to play the game. One would stake out the couch so one would have unlimited access to the television during conscious moments. I have many warm memories of being curled up in the living room with a good book, watching episodes of Designing Women and Murphy Brown (though I’m only now getting many of the political jokes), while a parent would cook me hot meals. Also, by this point in my schooling, I could better appreciate a day away from the “grind” of 2 and half -page essays and pre-pre-algebra math. It might take 30 minutes to get everything in order, but all things said in done, between the tomato soup and the basking rays of the television, it was a sweet deal.

In high school, sick days began to lose their luster. My high school days were packed with dozens and dozen of things to do; and that was just my extra curricular activities. To miss a day of school was to have a lot of stuff to make up and/or miss out on. I’m woken up a few mornings knowing I shouldn’t go to school, but then went anyway. I can particularly remember a day spent shivering then burning up with fever and going back and forth several times in a single Spanish class. If I did stay home, I was old enough to work the microwave to feed myself, so there was no need for parental pampering. Also, the selection of syndicated television shows I had access to went downhill and there wasn’t as much to watch. Though the papers or projects I “labored” over back in high school pale compared to my work nowadays (and I have a pretty easy semester), it still took a decent chunk of my time to make up for missing practices, meetings, or assignments. When it came down to it, a sick day was rarely worth the effort.

And as far as college sick days are concerned… Crud… Though many people will offer advice and be sympathetic, one should expect no pampering in the halls. Teachers understand that people will be out, but there is no big extension on any projects. And if you have work too, that has to be taken care of as well. Once again, you find yourself the only one brokering your day off. At best, it’s not pleasant. At worst, we don’t want to think about things like that.

Most importantly, and this applies to all cases, one is sick during a sick day. I know some other people used to practice the art of faking it, but if I ever cop to being sick, it’s usually something serious. Being under the weather is never pleasant, but it’s not the break it once used to be.

Starting in high school, being confirmed in college, and from here on out, I know this to be true: being sick is just more work.

Great. I’ve come to a greater personal truth. I almost feel better…

Here’s hoping the extra work stops soon.

'Ugg___check_please'

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WAG - Origins and Continuations
- Journeys down the Journalism Path

Living in the Journalism and Mass Communications Community has provided some unique thrills over the last few months. It’s nice being around people who actually pay attention to elections (often because the results will be on an upcoming quiz, but that’s a step up for many people). I have a better chance of having a conversation about media ethics here than when I lived in among the members of the honors tribe in Hatch Hall.

Those are all nice and dandy (well at least “nice.” I don’t have the attention span to look up “dandy” right now. Maybe later…), but today had an extra special treat.

Tomorrow will be the unveiling of the newly renovated Cramer Chronicle – now the Floyd Factor.

Never heard of it? Neither have most people in Cramer…yet.

Last semester the in-hall publication intended to be run for students by students was neglected by residents on both sides of the equation. People stopped writing and not much of a ruckus was raised about it.

There were some interesting articles in the sporadic run – about once a month if student staff members made sure people were assigned stories – but mostly it was just filler stories. Some of the contributors really cared and did work hard, but the end result only rarely reflected what had been put into the process.

I believe the Chronicle passed away shortly after the World Series ended. The final meeting, held during Game 2, only drew 6 people in the lounge. That number wouldn’t be so bad until you have to disqualify four people. Two people were there solely to watch the game and two were student staff members (including yours truly) whose presence was mandatory. A final one-page issue was cranked out by the remaining faithful, but afterwards the Chronicle died a quiet, unnoticed death.

A new life came two weeks ago when, while just floating a balloon, I asked the Cramer Council (a group made up off all the floor officers in the hall) what should be done about the old Cramer Chronicle.

The Governor of the Ground Floor said he and some of his friends had been talking about this recently and would be willing to undertake the revamping of the publication. I stared at the other student staff member present at the council meeting (who was the other staff member who witnessed the previous end of the paper) who looked back at me with a face that, I would wager, mirrored my own shock and incredulousness.

“Where were these people last semester?” was our question. A shrug was the only reply.

Anyway, flash forward 14 days and tonight I was reading the final draft of our newly emerged phoenix. It has wit, attitude, and most importantly, is filled with articles that the writers would want to read – even if they didn’t write it themselves. They show much progress.

I am tickled at the thought of residents putting together their own packaged publication. It seems extra appropriate due to a talk I had with my editing teacher this afternoon.

She wanted to get to know her students a bit better and went through a series of questions ranging from what do I like to read to what plans did I have for the future.

As I openly admit, I’d like to be a columnist. My teacher told me I was doing “a good thing” by working to write a little every day. It’s one thing to state a goal, and the broad strokes are easy to remember (get degree from college, try to get newspaper internship), but not everybody remembers to do the simple things as well.

I know my writing has improved in the course of working on this website (You think this is bad? Whew… The stories my English teachers could tell…). I knew this was good practice publishing daily (and producing more than the general “Boy I’m tired/busy/not going to post anything else other than I’m not posting” post). I’ve even thought that selections from the site itself could later be included in a portfolio when applying for a columnist gig.

I’ve pondered all these small pieces before, but today was the first time I put them all together to consider how this site is a stellar practice that should help me professionally.

I am proud of the fact I’ve kept this puppy running for so long. I’ve read that most sites are maintained for a few weeks. I can think of several sites that have gone under(developed) due to reasons ranging from apathy to hectic schedules to the parents found out too much information from skimming the archives.

The fact this site still exists, is a great accomplishment in itself, but today I realized a greater testament.

All the hours I’ve put into this site haven’t been wasted, but rather shall return with interest some day thanks to the writing skills I’ve been constantly honing.

At least that’s the idea…

I have a long way to go before I can look forward to cashing in some dividends. No one is beating down my door in a desperate quest to procure my services.

I have started down that path, however.

And I take some extra pleasure today because I am glancing over my shoulder and seeing some people are starting down the same trail.

Welcome back Cramer Chronicle, or from now on known as, the Floyd Factor. We’ve missed you, but are glad you’ve rejoined the party…and brought some friends.

I hope we all make dandy company some day.

'Dandy_definition_First_rate_or_Very_good'

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WAG - To plot the unexecutable plan

I think I’ve been handled an unsolvable task and given a very short amount to do so.

Thus, this post should be short, but I feel a need to explain myself – if only to get my gold star for posting today (or at least a checkmark).

I’ve been very busy today. The hall is hosting an overnight for prospective MU students (5 in all and all from out of state) in conjunction with “Meet Mizzou Days” where there will be a multitude of activities for potential future alumni.

I worked with other student staff members to give a tour of campus (with an emphasis on the J-school buildings [and dropping by some friends at the Missourian]), give them an opportunity to sample dining hall chow, and went to a guest lecture given by one of my former professors (who did a dynamite job).

So far, the staff has been running a great show.

Tomorrow, however…

About a month ago, someone said the staff would volunteer to run a table at the “Activities Fair” in the morning.

This promise was then subsequently forgotten until about 9 p.m. when my boss brought it up again.

Guess who was given the task to try to pull together residents to work a table from 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. on a Monday morning?

Hint: His first names rhymes with Caleb?

Give up? I wish I had…

Strangely, after talking to the fifth staff member about the probable trouble there’d be finding willing applicants at this time in the evening (because those people crash early), song lyrics started running through my head.

This happens a lot, being as my mind is more suited to recall pop culture rather than more important subjects like math or science.

Ask me perform some trig calculations, I’d probably impale myself on the sharp end of the compass while fiddling with the protractor. And don’t ask me about the makeup of plant cell. All I know is that they have an extra protective membrane (maybe?), and are green because of chlorophyll, and that I received a concussion the same year I was in Biology, so the fact I can still recall my own name is a great thing in hindsight.

When it comes to providing my own internal soundtrack, my brain can’t help but spit out music cues.

Thus, I found myself hearing To Scheme the Improbable Scheme from Pinky and the Brain (the lyrics are at the bottom of the previously linked page).

It’s a parody of “To Dream the Impossible Dream” from The Man of La Mancha, the Don Quixote musical. Later, my inner-radio station tuned into the actual lyrics of the song. This site will sing you the song, though if you are a person who prefers to view the lyrics sheet, this site will do you some good.

Thus, as I attempt to round together a group to face this challenge, I can take some comfort in the fact that though I may not triumph in my quest, at least the accompanying music will be ironically appropriate.

'Scheme_Dream_Move_on'

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WAG - Will this make the wire?

During the conversation with my friend yesterday - see yesterday's post - we discussed the fact that Dean is still in the race despite the fact he's yet to land one 1st place win.

Why was he still around, was the question discussed. With the bulk of the Democratic delegates still up for grabs, his strategery isn't too bad. Dean still is second in the overall delegate race and will benefit as more people drop out of the race (see Clark’s departure).

The other general reason why one stays in the race is that one never knows when a scandal can kill or at least hamstring a frontrunner. For those of you who don’t remember, or haven’t studied this era, the 1988 Democratic nomination race is a perfect example.

Sen. Gary Hart, who had nearly clinched the nomination in 1984, was the new “It guy” 3-years later when he challenged the press to tail him. Note: If you’re going to taunt the press like this, don’t be surprised when it comes back to bite you in the tail.

Rumors of extramarital affairs lingered beneath the surface until a Miami Herald reporter broke the story of Hart’s relations with 29-year-old model Donna Rice. The piece-de-resistance of the story was the picture of Rice sitting on Hart’s lap while they sailed on the good ship “Monkey Business.”

On May 8, 1987, Hart dropped out of the race and Michael Dukakis got his chance to run.

Of course, as we learned in 1992 with the Gennifer Flowers affair, sometimes these things can be re-spun, redirected, discounted, and buried.

Anyway, there was an early morning announcement on The Drudge Report this morning that promised big news that could shake up the Democratic race.

Checking back up this afternoon, it detailed long-stewing allegations that Kerry has been trying to hush up an affair.

It is said that several news outlets have been investigating this story, and we’ll see if that is true.

Drudge also claims other Democratic candidates have been aware of these rumors and that General Clark has even made the off-the-record comment, “Kerry will implode over an intern issue.”

This is being floated as a reason why Dean made the announcement he wouldn’t drop out if he still failed to carry Wisconsin.

Note: Drudge has before made the statement that 80 percent of his FLASH scoops are accurate. That means another 20 percent are questionable. It will be interesting to see which category this story ends up in.

Meanwhile, I don’t know how far this may spread, but now foreign presses (and a handful of US publications) are starting to pick this issue up.

Here are some links culled from a Google news search:

Editor and Publisher

World Net Daily

The Scotsman

Coming soon a media machine near you?

One final thing to keep in mind. In 1998, when Clinton had another round of "lady trouble" and Drudge was the one credited with breaking the story (after Newsweek spiked (journalism definition: killed) the item), it took 4 days for the mainstream American press to pick it up.

Start the stopwatch and we’ll see…

'Film_at_Eleven_Maybe'

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WAG - No, PLEASE Kerry On…

Boy I’m tired tonight.

Yes, I know that sounds like the typical start of a cop-out post, but I promise you it’s not…sorta.

Mondays and Wednesdays are my heavy days and with the couple of extra things I’ve been juggling lately, I’m about ready to crash… once I get through 20 more pages of Walden.

Anyway, rather than leave my faithful viewers in a lurch (you know I try to watch out for all 3 of you), let me offer this as an acceptable sacrifice:

I caught up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen previously this semester. This is the type of scene I’ve repeated many times. It turns out in different ways based on the character of the person involved and the flexibility of their schedule. Some I’ve had impromptu lunches with, others I’ve escorted them to their classes, and a few only lasted two words (“Hey!” “Hey!”).

Fortunately today, my friend had a bit more time to talk, and him being a fellow news junkie, our talk turned to politics and the approaching 2004 election.

Note: If you haven’t already been saturated with the coverage of this event yet, I even you and want to know if I can share your spider hole with you.

Of course, as a wanna-be journalist/columnist/freelancer/someone who makes enough cash he doesn’t have to share a home with his relatives, I find myself in the same situation as a criminal lawyer who has a police scanner. You hate yourself for tuning into such things, but you know it’s good for business.

Anyway, we were discussing recent primary events, and whether or not well bought into the Dean fanatics (Disclaimer: we didn’t like him, but will still thought he had the Democratic ticket all sewed up… for a time), and Kerry came up.

Specifically, I brought up the subject how Kerry shouldn’t be poking a stick at Bush’s Vietnam-era actions for fear the spotlight will fall on him as well.

I then went on to highlight several examples, many of which my friend hadn’t seen in the media… yet.

Getting back to my room, and having a dash of free time, I whipped together a list of sources to document the claims I made.

And now, after nearly a page in introduction, I offer to you, the treasured audience, this slightly edited letter (with more HTML codes to make the links prettier and all personal references deleted so none of his liberal friends with learn of his fraternizing with me – unless he chooses to tell them).

I hope you enjoy and/or learn something.

----------------------

Kerry’s Rolling Stone F-Bomb Interview

Yes, Kerry may be the candidate who looks the most presidential (personally, pretty boy Edwards to me seems… well… see the nickname attached), but I had issues about his professional demeanor.

How’s his potential presidential conduct? Look for the answer to the question, “Did you feel you were blindsided by Dean's success?” and try to spot the word that belongs in Carlin’s “7 words you can’t say” riff.

Service: The Military vs. the National Guard vs. Conscientiously Objecting
And how they’re all equal

I also mentioned that Kerry made some comments in 1992 concerning Clinton’s lack of record and how “many served in many different ways.” At the time, the message was lay off the candidate who didn’t do any kind of drilling and stop using “Vietnam” as a purely political device.

A copy of the speech is available at the Wall Street Journal Opinion Page.

I did not have political relations with that woman, Miss Hanoi…

Though he may proudly tout his service record now, and that I will never attack, I have long questioned his dedication to the military with his conduct after his discharge. Even before his legislative career where he voted to cut funding of many important programs, he worked to undercut those who were still embroiled in the conflict.

One person who he worked with was Jane Fonda, sometimes known as “Hanoi Jane” for appearing to value the word of the North Vietnamese over her own countrymen and women. Fonda, Kerry, and others worked to protest the war effort and question the conduct of American soldiers. Jane’s actions may be remembered, but Kerry’s role and his relationships have been mostly forgotten… until earlier this week.

Newsmax broke the story that first featured the photograph of a rally where Kerry appears to be a few rows behind Jane.

Note: Kerry has yet to been specifically questioned on this – though aides have. Though we do not know for sure that it is him in the photo, he is on the record for attending this protest.

Some final Kodak moments

For more Kerry photos (from Boat Rides with JFK to more recent events) you can check out the Vietnam Veterans Against John Kerry site.

Granted, one should take their commentary with SEVERAL grains of salt, but don’t hesitate to dive in. I do give them credit, however, for stating their intent from the start and not attempting to interject these issues into the news posing as an unbiased observer.

That being said, the pictures don’t need their captions to say a lot.

The sections/photos I’d suggest you peruse are how Kerry got his Silver Star (no photos, but it does recount the truly heroic act), Kerry discussing a demonstration with Ted Kennedy, Kerry being arrested with other protestors, and the cover image of the book The New Soldier (which is co-authored by Kerry) that some say mocks the famous image of the Iwo Jima Marines. At the very least, the image does mock veterans.

If Kerry wants to bring up the Vietnam record (he may not be openly questioning Bush, but he is attempting to benefit from the question), he needs to be careful what else may slip out of Pandora’s often-referenced box.

It’s almost enough to make you vote Kucinich.

Just something to think about…

'Careful_what_you_wish_for'

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WAG - A treat for my Sis...

Tonight is Gilmore Girls night.

I don't quite recall when the tradition started last semester, but my sister and I regularly call each other on Tuesday nights and “watch” our favorite TV show at the same time.

The local commercials may be different, but the timing of everything else matches up perfectly. That way we laugh or gasp or otherwise react to the show at the same time and share in its merriment.

Yeah, it may sound a bit cheesy (because it is), but it’s still fun.

Anyway, that’s why I found it quite appropriate that an article about certain Gilmore Girl cast members appeared on CNN.com today. Spotlighting the actors who play the elder generation of Gilmores, Kelly Bishop and Edward Herrmann, seems the perfect way to close a Tuesday night.

Thus, I leave the link for my sister to click (for she would not have found it herself) as well as any others who can appreciate good banter.

In conclusion, I will leave you all with my favorite snippet of trans-generational Gilmore speak (as selected from the Internet Movie Database Gilmore Girl Quotes Page:

Emily: You were on the phone?
Richard: Long distance.
Lorelai: God?
Richard: London.
Lorelai: God lives in London?
Richard: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai: Your mother is God?
Richard: Lorelai...
Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.
Richard: Lorelai.
Lorelai: *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard: Make her stop.
Rory: Oh, that I could.

Not that we’d want her to.

'Carry_on_GGs'

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WAG - Heh...heh...heh

Okay, to summarize a VERY long story...

Let’s just say that from 4:00 p.m. Thursday to 5:00 p.m. Sunday life was frantically busy – mainly in areas of Residential Life. Though the situations have largely quieted down, due to confidentiality concerns and the fact I’m tired of running through these stories, nothing more will be recounted here other than to say “it was a looong weekend.”

Here’s to an optimistic start of another week!

'Next_phase_New_wave_Dance_craze_Anyways'

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WAG - When looks kill.

I was thinking I wasn’t going to have anything to post about. I feel a bit run down, nothing big happened today, and I went through several news sites looking for something to pique my interest.

I was just about ready to give up when a teaser line at CNN.com caught my eye. The link to the article read ”Murder case cancels beauty pageant”.

Apparently, the annual Miss Savannah competition is being called off due to all the bad press and scrutiny associated with the pageant after the reigning Miss Savannah was charged with murdering her boyfriend.

Don’t you hate it when that happens?

These girls had their outfits, routines, cheerful pre-planned interview answers, and in some cases, “cosmetic” surgery all lined up, and it’s all for naught after a beauty queen went after some former football jock who was allegedly judging another “contestant.”

I also find it interesting that the lady who was arrested wasn’t even the original Miss Savannah. The original went on to win the title of Miss Georgia, leaving the runner up to take up the mantle… and unfortunately also her second amendment rights.

Okay, more seriously…

Reading an initial account of the shooting, I thought it was interesting how people reacted to and reported the case. Some sites had tongue in cheek reports while others were more straightforward (as in less cheeky) accounts of the crime.

There was one major difference, however. The Pageant News Bureau (which I didn’t even know existed) apparently tried to bury the story. Not only did they not report that Redmond had been arrested, but when it finally came time to announce that the pageant was canceled, all they ran was a one-sentence brief stuck between the results of Miss Texas Teen America and Miss Trinidad and Tobago 2004.

In reporting the update, since officials have been debating whether or not the show should go on for over a month, most people repeated the standard AP report (like the CNN story).

It’s a shame. There’s more to this story than an easy “ta-boom-ching!” One could get past the “an in a bizarre note” lead-in and come up with a much more interesting story. After graduating summa cum laude with a double major in English and pre-medicine, this girl’s life has spun out of control. I didn’t see any articles concerned about that.

In the official rationale for canceling the contest, a spokesman for the pageant’s board of directors said, "This environment is no place for a local contestant to adequately prepare for the Miss Georgia Pageant."

It may be too late to stop one girl from inadvertently turning herself into a punch line, but I give kudos to the pageant organizers who took the difficult steps to save other girls from suffering the same fate.

'Drop_Dead_Gorgeous'

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WAG - Please! Know MO politics!

In accordance with directions given by the management of this site, we are revoking a post based solely on primary results and choosing rather to go with an “In the News” column riffing on a randomly selected article.

Full Disclosure: This site will host a few comments on the primary. The author has a current events quiz tomorrow and needs to brush up. Also, when we said “randomly selected article,” we meant whatever article made us laugh the most after reading it and/or spawned the quickest quasi-clever comments. Thank you.

Very Short Comments on the Democratic Candidacy Electoral Process

Today, the headline in the Columbia Missourian was “Apathy, indecision reign in mid-Missouri.”

I couldn’t have said it better.

I am thankful to say I didn’t pay much close attention to this race. I could blame it on being busy, I could blame it on media saturation, but to tell the truth, I lost all interest in this race last Wednesday when I read two things.

First, I read this article from The Boston Globe. In this piece about Kerry moving forward after his win in New Hampshire, he had this to say about his plans to move on to Missouri:

“I guess I'll ride a bucking bronco or a bull or something," Kerry joked. "I'm game. Whatever they got."

Mr. Kerry. We don’t really do that in Missouri. We may have our rodeo aficionados, but it certainly isn’t a defining characteristic of this state. You can make a multi-topic statement about our river culture, our northern farmers, our gateway to the West, our Ozark beauty, but don’t try to oversimplify the state by equating all of us with a bumpkin who will vote for the candidate who can stay on a mad cow the longest.

That, Mr. Kerry, is only one reason why you would not get my vote, even if the race was between you and a Magic Eight ball. I’d wager the spherical oracle would be right a bit more often. And it has the added bonus of having not having feet or a mouth; meaning it couldn’t get one stuck in the other.

Speaking of foot in mouth, the final tally that killed my curiosity was when I looked at polling data that had Kerry leading all others by at least 30 percent. That statistic never really waved.

Thus, I relearned an old lesson.

I used to say, " I hate the ignorant things people do."

Then I had my first real job, working in the Lawn & Garden department at Wal-Mart.

That summer, I revised my mantra and decided to live by a more simplified philosophy:

"I hate stupid people."

Note from 2005: I later re-revised my motto to say, "I hate the ignorant things people do, not the stupid people who do them - though it is very difficult to draw that distinction at times.

That being confirmed, let us move on to more interesting topic of conversation (and I’m not talking about one that rhymes with “Joe -drops-out-of-the-race”).

Curse You Matthew Broderick!

It was almost a real life War Games for a moment.

The plot of this article, and the 1983 movie classic, is about a hacker who works their way into a U.S. weapons lab. Both feature new comers; this is the first charge for 16-year-old Joseph McElroy, and War Games was the first film 21-year-old Broderick had a top staring role.

Each playful character was simply messing around and meant no harm. McElroy wanted to use the advanced server to download movies and music quicker and Broderick wanted to play video games.

Both tales occur in times of great tension and stress. Matt conducted his funny business towards the end of the Cold War and Joseph, like the rest of us, is living in a post-9/11 world.

Of course, a major difference pops up when you make the distinction that Matt was an actor and Joe was opening up a gateway into a genuine military computer system. When nuclear researchers noticed a drain on the system, they feared they were experiencing a wireless-based terrorist attack. The computer network was shut down for three days, the US Department of Energy sounded a full-scale alert, the authorities were alerted (including Scotland Yard), and much panicking resulted.

All this because some British teenager wanted to get his music a little bit faster.

Upon hearing about this story, I instantly flashed back to Matt’s 80’s hacker movie. A guy was messing around in another computer system and accidentally caused America’s master nuclear computer to think Las Vegas was nuked. And it started to respond accordingly, much to the chagrin of the Soviets, American military leaders, life-loving individuals around the world, and Matt’s girlfriend (played by Ally Sheedy).

I read the movie novelization back in high school and it’s long been on my bookshelf (after I stole it from my parents’ bookshelf). It’s a bit dated in places; and not just the whole Cold War spot-the-hidden-Communist mindset. I loved the subplot about phone freakers: the people who replicate specific beeping noises to obtain free long-distance telephone calls.

Note: I would include more examples, but after conducting a full search of my Mizzou archives (as in I checked the bookshelf on the left AND the right), I came to the conclusion the book was left in Sullivan.

Though a bit old fashioned, I liked the plot about the perky teenager (David Lightman) who bring the U.S. Military to the brink of Defcon 1 (the end), but still gets the girl in the end.

Though I don’t have access to the book, the Internet Movie Database helped me pick out some of my favorite lines:

Broderick’s boring parents, which is the rationale given for him withdrawing into the electronic world:
Mr. Lightman: This corn is raw!
Mrs. Lightman: I know, isn't it wonderful? It's so crisp!
Mr. Lightman: Of course it's crisp! It's raw!
Mrs. Lightman: No, it's terrific! You can just taste the Vitamin A and D!
Mr. Lightman: Could we have pills and cook the corn?

Military Intelligence:
General Beringer: Gentlemen, I wouldn't trust this overgrown pile of microchips any further than I can throw it.

Artificial Unintelligence:
David Lightman: Is it a game... or is it real?
Joshua, the Doomsday Computer: What's the difference?
David Lightman: [muttering] Oh wow.

And finally, when Mathew/David teaches the supercomputer the futility of nuclear conflict by repeatedly playing tic-tac-toe (another pointless no-win game):
Joshua, the Doomsday Computer: A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?

Isn’t that a good lesson to learn. Now let’s apply it to Joseph’s case.

Though the hacking occurred in 2002, McElroy’s case was only decided today. Joe was given the “benefit of the doubt” by the judge since, despite his intrusion into certain rudimentary systems, he didn’t access anything confidential. Of course, regardless of the intent, the shutdown of the system cost over $50,000. It’s not near-nuclear extinction, but try explaining that to the average American taxpayer.

Today, McElroy is a first-year engineering undergraduate and has a really cool bullet point in his resume. Though he may have learned his lesson, he may not have the time to take up chess any time soon.

This is where we Yanks who are fitting the bill can have the last laugh: Where Matt’s character got to freely walk out into the sunset at the end of his escapade, Joe is going to have to serve out 200-hours of community service.

Think about it. A dedicated computer programmer, who lives in rainy, dismal England, will have to spend 200-hours outside and away from the computer. It may not kill him, but it’s sure to make him think twice about messing around with nuclear systems in the future.

At least we can hope.

'Lets_play_Global_Thermonuclear_War'

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WAG - Game ON!

I’m not sure whether or not I’ll be going to church tonight.

The weather that was originally forecasted for today seems to have gotten caught up in Kansas a little bit longer than expected. As it is, Columbia is supposed to get slammed before midnight.

My church (Praise Assembly of God) had service this morning, after calling the pastor at 5:15 p.m., the 6 p.m. service is still iffy. I believe residents are watching the game in the lounge, but since the church question is still up in the air, I’m sticking in my room for the start of the game.

So, until I can get a more reliable future forecast, I guess I’ll just have to watch the Super Bowl.

Oh well…

If you come here tomorrow, you should find a critique of selected multi-million dollar commercials. For those of you playing the numbers game - of the economic sort – according to Ad Age magazine, 30-second Super Bowl spots are costing between $2.25 million (early in the game) to “as little as” $1.8 million (in the 4th quarter). During the broadcast of the game there are 62 commercials (excluding pre-game and half time) and I’m told a little football, but not too much as to be distracting from the ads. At least, that’s how it typically is.

We’ll see if the Patriots and Panthers can make it a bit more interesting.

Stay tuned.

'Timeout_Delay_of_Service'

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