Hello folks, and welcome to a slightly belated February 14 Update.
Hi, I’m your host Caleb Smith. Please allow me to guide you through my series of observations of the beloved and beloathed holiday.
February 14 is one of those holidays you either ignore, love, or have to spend a lot of money celebrating it so you’d BETTER FREEKIN’ ENJOY IT!
I experienced Valentine’s Day as a single person for one of the first times in the last two years. From this position, it was a relief to know that all the money I spent yesterday was spent on myself (well, accepting the $5 bucks I lent to a friend at Taco Bell, but you know what I mean).
On my trek across campus yesterday, it was entertaining to see the number of guys clutching balloons, fresh flowers, and heart-shaped boxes of candy. It was even more entertaining realizing how few of them wore an accompanying smile.
As one person walked past the bookstore, a buddy hollered at him poking fun at the TWO bouquets he was lugging.
“I hate this holiday!” he called back to his friend; hoping to retain a grasp on his masculinity.
But it was too late.
He originally lost hold when he opened his wallet and slammed his money down on the counter.
Guys get hit hard on Valentine’s Day, but not due to the gifts they have to buy and stick in heart shaped boxes wrapped in red wrapping paper and topped with a bow. It’s not tied to finding the perfect gift that had better not come from Wal-Mart. And it’s not the hours spent looking for a card with the right message (ACTUAL THOUGHT-PROCESSES PEOPLE GO THRU: “Do I get a card that has the word ‘Love’ in or do keep searching for one that isn’t that serious?” “Do I get a card that has some lovey-dovey poem thing or a cutesy card?” “Should I just get a blank card with a teddy bear picture on the front and compose my own stupid insightful message?” “What about ‘Luv’? I mean, if it’s mispelled doesn’t that mean it’s not that serious? Right?” and my personal favorite “HOW THE HELL CAN HALLMARK GET AWAY WITH CHARGING $2.78 FOR THIS THIN PIECE OF POSTERBOARD?” [I don’t mean to solely trash guys with this, because I know some ladies who have gone through the same mental deliberations]).
Guys get hurt because they’re expected to foot most of the bill on V-Day.
I had a nice short talk in the elevator with a guy who had flowers, a wrapped present, and a two heart shaped balloons. We joked about how the guy spends $20+, or more if he’s smart, and the girls can get away with sending just a card; and that’s just the presents.
Ladies, be honest, what would think of the guy who asked you to chip in for the movie or the meal on Valentine’s Day? I rest my case.
Well, being single meant I got to save my money; or at least spend it on myself.
Yesterday I got to celebrate a parallel-holiday I first learned about last year, but wasn’t allowed to participate in: Singles Awareness Day, or SAD.
I know some people who planned to celebrate SAD by watching painting their nails, watching SAD movies alone, and crying.
My goal was not to take it so depressing an extreme.
Personally, I went out with 4 friends to see "Daredevil" this weekend. All the high-minded, classy movie reviewers had panned it, so I knew it would be good (in the cheesy way I was looking for). Of the group of 5, 2 were a couple and the other three were single. Of the three singles, two were guys and one was, the only other option, a girl.
The girl offered to be kind enough to let the other two guys pay her way to the movie, so they could claim to be taking someone out, but we both declined.
There can be something rewarding in saying, “ONE ticket for Daredevil please.”
Anyway, the movie was good (not many explosions actually, but lots of slow-motion fighting, and as a friend noted, the leads all looked good in leather [though when Ben Affleck was looking all pensive in the rain, I couldn’t help thinking that the water really couldn’t be good for the outfit]). As we started to file out of the theater at 11:50, the comment was made that in 10 minutes it would be okay to be single again.
That sparked a discussion how being single isn’t a bad thing. I’m not jealously bitter of those who do have a significant other. I also wouldn’t be opposed to having one either (or them having me), though it seems I would really need to finish the semester first for fear of driving two people insane.
I know a person who violently touts the advantages of being single. She scares me.
She had an ugly breakup once, and let’s just say she has yet to cope well.
I don’t want to turn into her, but she does make some good points:
One doesn’t need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy, successful, or content.
A person without a boyfriend or girlfriend can still go out by themselves and have fun.
All men are the DEVIL!
Okay, I may not agree about the last one, but the fundamental message is solid: being single is okay.
Being St. Valentine, on the other hand, is hard.
To jump back to the history lesson I started this entry with (“You know, in hindsight, it’s not surprising that St. Valentine was a martyr,” for those of you who are too lazy to scroll up to the screen [though I thank you for sticking it out this far]), let’s have a brief profile on the venerated Valentine.
According to a site I plagiarized heavily from, St. Valentine, or Valentinus had a rough life.
He was a Christian priest who was best known for marrying other Christians in secret, because getting married in a heathen temple wasn’t really an option. Giving any aid to Christians during that time often earned one an automatic execution served up by the Romans, the grand champions of killing.
He was caught and kept in jail for a year. When Claudius the II, the emperor, visited, Valentinus witnessed to him and tried to get him to denounce the Roman gods. The emperor wasn’t convinced, but he was impressed enough to offer Valentinus life if he would swap sides and pledge allegiance to the Roman gods.
Tradition states that Valentinus’s reply was as follows: “I say of thy gods none other thing but that they were men mortal and merchant, and full of odure and evil."
Not surprisingly, very shortly after he slammed the emperor, he was delivered to the Roman executioners who beat him with clubs, stoned him, and finally lopped off his head.
As my friend RJ says, “And that’s why you don’t mess with Italians!”
Anyway, a couple hundred years later, when Christianity became more widespread (partially due to the fact people weren’t executed as often for practicing it), church leaders where looking for a Christian holiday. Lucky St.Valentine was selected as the patron of love. An annual banquet was established, and several hundred years later the Hallmark cartel forces guys to spend ridiculous amounts of money to demonstrate their “love” all in Valentinus’s name.
I’m sure he’d be pleased.
And if you think that was rough, you should check out some of St. Valentine’s more recent adventures.
CNN reported that a fragment of St. Valentine’s skull was finally returned to the basilica from which it had been stolen 24 years ago.
He’s honored, respected, dead, and still can’t catch a break. Maybe with this piece returned he can get some peace.
Okay. That’s a foul. I apologize to Valentinus for the cheap shot, but he’s taken much worse, so he can handle it.
Here’s to you Valentinus, and I wish you much a well deserved break from poor puns and the curses poor, frustrated boyfriends guys lay upon your name.
At least for another year.
Thank you for getting this far, and have a good day.
